There has been a situation in my personal life concerning what I thought was a solid and mutual friendship that has been eating away at me since I returned from New Orleans. I need to vent. And with luck some of the readers of this blog may be able to relate to the frustration that I am feeling over this situation. Now I need to put up a disclaimer that this is my version of the events and as you know every story has three sides. The person telling the story, the other person (people) involved in the story and the truth. This is my version as I remember it.
This friend has been in my life for 10 yrs (actually just shy of 10yrs). We met at work and after a layoff we remained friends. (There is a 20 year age difference between us, her kids are my age!) Over the 10 yrs lots of life events have happened to both of us and we have had the highs and lows that every friendship has. Often I have turned the cheek and let things roll off my shoulder and let them pass without fanfare. However this latest string of events has really, really gotten under my skin.
Perhaps the best way to tell this story is to start with the present and work backwards. As you know I recently had the chance to visit New Orleans. It was completely unexpected, it was financially a really inexpensive deal and it was an opportunity for me to spend some time with my sister. When the trip was being booked there was some drama starting over the VA Beach trip that is scheduled to happen at the end of June. Based on what was being stirred up over that I made the decision to keep my New Orleans trip quiet and not let the cat out of the bag until the last minute. I was really looking forward to it and really didn't want anyone to get me down before I left. So the trip was in motion and I was ridiculously excited about it. What happened on the trip was completely unforgivable and it was done to me by someone I considered a really good friend.
So here is the situation in a nutshell. Every year for the past few years I have been going to VA Beach for a long weekend with my friends. Last year I went with this friend and another friend. Me and the other friend fronted the money for the friend this email is about. That money has never been repaid. So this year my guard was up. Long story short after discussing and planning and arguing thru January and February the trip gets booked in March. Well the hotel gets booked in March and everyone pays me. Now April rolls around and the flights get booked. They were expensive than they would have been months earlier but that part of the story is way to long. So everyone pays me but this friend. She is notorious among our friendship circle for not covering her debts. So immediately I am thinking, oh here we go. So I get her to confirm to a date to pay me. She starts to whine that if she pays for the flight and can't buy groceries. I was like sorry you owe me money. Then it was a new tactic..oh I have to buy my grandson a bday gift. Again sorry you owe me money. Yes that seems really bitchy. But prior to me booking the flights she bragged on FB how she goes out drinking with her daughter and blows money, she bought a Wii, she bought a TV...so she has money to do those things but is giving me a hard time about paying. After some heated emails she pays. Now all we have to do is sit back and wait and go on the trip.
Not exactly. From February to the present everytime me and this friend made plans she backed out. Or she changed them last minute and didn't include me. Or better yet would just not show up and you would read that she took off to VT to see her kid. I could have gotten all worked up and upset about this but honestly I didn't. I was saving money by staying home, I was getting stuff done around the house and honestly the more time we spent apart the more I realized that I was enjoying not being around her. She has at times been very negative, she is not a person who is happy when good things happen to other people, she plays the victim and after a while it drains you.
So life is going along and I am really excited about the trip. But along the past few months I have gotten emails from her complainging about the trip cost, the dates, the hotel. One day I got a scathing email ranting about how I was trying to ruin her trip and she wanted out. I immediately went back and asked her what the real problem was and she said nothing and things were back on track. After a while I started to get nervous everytime she emailed me because I wasn't sure what to expect. A week before the New Orleans trip she emailed me to make plans. She had no idea I was leaving for my trip and I simply told her I had commited to plans for the next two weekends. The reply went something like...you are avoiding me what is your problem. My reply was to simply point out that the last 6 times we had confirmed plans she never showed up or bailed. She wrote back that she can't even talk to me anymore. Ok um...well not sure why cuz I didn't do anything!!!! The very next day I got an ecard containing an apology from her. She was admitting that she kept ditching me and didn't want to fight.
So off to New Orleans courtesy of my sisters company (they covered the hotel) and my frequent flier miles. Woo-hoo off to relax and have fun. Until I made the fatal mistake of posting a pic from one of my tours. Instantly the blackberry is vibrating and I have an email from her demanding her trip money back. My reply..sorry its paid for and non refundable and too bad. She never paid me back for last year so honestly if she is set on cancelling then she can kiss the money goodbye. Like an idiot I engaged her and emails were flying back and forth for the remainder of the day. She decided not to go and went so far as to access my expedia account and make changes to the trip. Thankfully she only cancelled her flight but somehow she also manage to lock me out of my account. It was hurtful for a few reasons. Obviously I am on vacation and she knows it. It's posted on FB yet she decides to start this email fight and won't let it go. She attempted to bring down my vacation and thankfully the friends I was with wouldn't let her. The last email to her was to tell her that I felt she had done irrepairable damage to the friendship and I would never speak to her again.
What is really bothering me about all this is that it didn't need to happen. The trip was booked. It was $488pp for flight and hotel which honestly is nothing! There was never a fight, or an attitude as she claimed I had. I was being smart with my money and chosing to stay home on the weekends and not go to the dive bars she hangs out at so I had money to spend on the trip. Every plan we have made since February she has chosen to exclude me from at the last minute. Ok whatever..honestly (and I am 100% honest about this) I didn't care. I figured she was hanging with other people and I would see her for the trip. But it didn't stop there. What really bothers me is that she went on to call me names (princess, your royal highness and some other ridiculous names). She accused me of being a terrible friend to her and that is absolutely 100% not the case. I could spend hours making a list of what I have done for her verses what she hasn't done for me but honestly what is the point. She attacked my character, my personality and my friends. As I was reading the emails I couldn't help but think then why the hell have you been my "friend" for the past 10 yrs.
In life there are moments you never forget. And in friendship its the same. There are friendship moments that you will never forget and celebrate and there are the bad times too. What I have come to realize is that there are more bad times with this friend than good. I can honestly say that when she needed me I was there. I was there for family events, holidays, parties, funerals. I helped her move several times. I let her stay in my home when she had no place to go. When she was down and out and had no money I paid for her drinks, dinner and once even a trip. I have given her clothes with tags on it, home accessories I didn't need when I moved. I introduced her to my friends who accepted her into the friendship circle. Yet none of that was reciprocated. When I was struggling to make the mortgage payment two summers ago (that was the one year with no VA Beach trip) she went off and lived her life and left me home alone. I never did that to her. When I lost my Bacie she didn't come to the wake because there was 2 inches of snow and she couldn't possibly make it. My freaking loser ex...who I loathed at the time made it to the wake and to this day that is the only good thing I remember about him.
Am I princess? Maybe I am. I work hard, I do a horrible commute and at the end of the pay cycle I pay my bills and buy myself nice things. I am loyal to a fault to my friends and they are one of the most important things in my life. I would never intentionally treat a friend the way she has treated me. I am reliable. If I tell you I am going to do something I do it. If owning my own home and spending my money traveling makes me a princess then so be it!!!
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