Simply Single

New Blog

2010-10-01T13:53:00.000-04:00

The past few months have brought a lot of change into my life. Most of it had a lot of drama attached to it. After looking back at a lot of the blog entries posted here I have decided that like everything else in my life right now, the blog needs a fresh start. This blog contains stories, thoughts and comments about people and things that are no longer a part of my life anymore. Maybe its time to try something new and lighten things up.

I invite you to try out the blog located over on Tumblr:
http://happinesssoldseparately.tumblr.com/

See you there!

Doggie Death Suit

2010-07-14T13:03:00.000-04:00

Today's NY Post has article about Percy a french bulldog who died after being left in a hot van and then put into an empty apartment to die alone from heat stroke. People I know you think its cute to take your dog along with you when you run errands or are out and about during the day. But please, please, please think twice about exposing them to long periods of heat and humidity. Leave them home in a well cooled house, its much safer than being left in a hot car or being walked all around town on hot pavement.

Here is a link to the article:
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/doggie_death_suit_Lf36XZF8f5Xpvq9rKJsSZL

As I was grabbing the above link I also came across this article. A Labrador saved its own life by honking the horn until he was let out of a hot car.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,596683,00.html

If you are an owner of a "flat faced" dog like myself (my pride and joy is my beloved Pug Tyson!) you should already know that heat and humidy can be deadly to these breeds. If you don't already know this, or know someone who should be aware of this information please pass it along!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Brachycephalic-Dogs-(Flat-Faced-Dogs)-And-Summer-Safety-Tips&id=2327936

Brachycephalic dogs (pronounced: bracky-seh-falic) are short snout or flat faced dogs. Many of these are small breeds of dog, commonly called lap dogs, although some are larger. The term "brachycephalic" comes from the Greek, "brachy" means short and "cephalic" means head. Of the dogs of this type the most common include:
Pugs,

Boxers,

Boston Terriers,

Yorkshire Terriers,

English and French Bulldogs, and

Cavalier King Charles Spaniels, among others.
They are very popular breeds that are typically pampered by their owners. Many are recognized pedigree varieties. Like all dogs, these flat face dogs love to play and romp around outside the house in the summertime. However, the summer is a time when owners should be on guard for potential trouble with these breeds. High heat and high humidity affect all dogs, but these weather conditions are especially difficult on all brachycephalic breeds.
The problem is one of natural anatomy design. Brachycephalic dogs have an upper respiratory tract that is awkward and downright obstructive. In fact, "obstructive" is the word most often used in describing their peculiarly problematic airway anatomy. This physical characteristic is referred to as the "brachycephalic syndrome" which provides a facial design that may be cute, but is otherwise an efficient design for breathing. As a result, a number of problems may occur as the result of extremes in temperature.
Panting is the way dogs cool themselves. It is the manner that dogs regulate their body temperature. However, because of their airway anatomical design, the brachycephalic breeds of dogs pant much less inefficiently than other breeds. Air does not pass in and out as easily or as quickly. This is why these breeds sometimes sound as if they are out-of-breath for no reason. On top of this, high humidity impedes their breathing process and at times may cause their breathing to become very noticeably labored. Complicating this is a tendency for their airways to become easily inflamed and swollen in stressful conditions.
Curiously, the flat face design encourages saliva to evaporate from the tongue more quickly than it otherwise would. This impedes the cooling effect the tongue has on the blood circulating through the tongue. This in turn makes the body cooling process far less efficient than in other breeds.
Inefficient panting, airway sensitivity, and an ineffective cooling design means that in hot weather conditions the brachycephalic dog is especially vulnerable to rapid overheating. High humidity complicates this situation. Of all breeds of dog, brachycephalic dogs are the most likely candidates for heatstroke, which is an especially dangerous problem.
Summer Safety Tips
You should take special precautions for brachycephalic dogs in hot, humid weather. These include:
* Go for "walkies" in the cool morning and evening, avoid the mid-day sun.
* If you must keep your pooch outside in hot weather, make sure you provide plenty of cool fresh water, and provide a shady place to rest-making sure that the area is shady throughout the entire day. This is very important.
* Of course, it is always best to keep brachycephalic breeds indoors in air-conditioning during hot weather.
* Also, never leave any pet (or children) in a car on a warm or hot day. Temperatures inside a car can easily rise to 120 degrees Fahrenheit under the summer sun. Even if the outside temperature is only 70 degrees, the inside of a car can cause heat stress and even heatstroke.
While a brachycephalic dog is a pleasure to own and is particularly convenient for apartment living, these breeds have their own unique requirements. However, by taking a few precautions you can easily avoid potential danger. But a little inconvenience is no problem when talking about the abundant personality and keen intelligence that make the flat faced dog so especially desirable and well-liked.

Allen MacAlister is a veterinary medical student and he writes about the diagnosis and treatment of dog allergies in articles on his site: Dog Allergies.

Hot cars are death traps for dogs

2010-06-15T14:45:00.000-04:00

Five reasons not to leave your dog in the car this summer, even for “just a minute”
SACRAMENTO, CA (May 18, 2010) – United Animal Nations (UAN) is imploring pet owners to avoid leaving their dogs in hot cars this summer – a practice that can lead to serious illness and even death.
Leaving a dog in a hot car is dangerous and often deadly. Visit MyDogIsCool.com to learn more.
“Often people leave their dogs in the car while they shop or run errands, but doing so when the weather is warm can literally be a death sentence for your pet,” said UAN President and CEO Nicole Forsyth.Forsyth offered five reasons why leaving a dog in a hot car can be deadly:
1. Dogs are especially vulnerable to heat-related illness because they can only cool off by panting and through the pads in their feet.
2. Even on seemingly mild days, an enclosed car can be deadly. In a Stanford University study, when it was 72 degrees outside, a car’s internal temperature climbed to 116 degrees within one hour.
3. Enclosed cars heat up quickly. In a study by San Francisco State University, when it was 80 degrees outside, the temperature inside a car rose to 99 degrees in 10 minutes and 109 degrees in 20 minutes.
4. A dog’s normal body temperature is between 101 to 102.5 degrees; a dog can only withstand a high body temperature for a short time before suffering nerve damage, heart problems, liver damage, brain damage or even death.
5. Studies show that cracking the windows has little effect on a car’s internal temperature.
Already this year, UAN has received reports of dogs like Snuggle, a Maltese/Lhasa Apso who was locked in a car while her owner visited a Tampa, Florida amusement park. When Snuggle was rescued, the temperature inside the car was more than 90 degrees and her core temperature was nearly 106 degrees.
ShareThis

To learn more about the dangers of leaving dogs in hot cars, visit www.MyDogIsCool.com.

Follow UAN on Twitter and “like” us on Facebook.

*** FACTS ABOUT DOGS AND HOT CARS ***
What happens to dogs left in hot cars?
Exposure to excessive heat causes the body’s cells to stop working properly and release dangerous chemicals, which can lead to nerve damage, heart problems, liver damage, brain damage and even death. Essentially, all of the dog’s organ systems shut down at once.
Signs a dog is suffering from a heat-related illness include:
Excessive panting

Excessive drooling

Increased heart rate

Trouble breathing

Disorientation

Collapse or loss of consciousness

Seizure

Respiratory arrest

Visit MyDogIsCool.com to get educational materials, like this visually powerful poster.
What is United Animal Nations (UAN) doing to protect dogs from the dangers of hot cars?

UAN operates MyDogIsCool.com, a repository of free resources to help people spread the word about the dangers of leaving dogs in hot cars.

MyDogIsCool.com offerse educational materials, including:
“Don’t Leave Me in Here – It’s Hot!” fliers that can be left on windshields

Free downloadable posters that can be hung in store windows to remind customers not to leave their dogs in the car on a warm day.

A weather forecasting tool that indicates if it is too hot to leave a dog in the car.

What should people do if they see a dog in a hot car?
If the dog looks distressed (see above signs of heat-related illness), call the police, the local animal control agency or 911 right away.

Leave your name and phone number with the person who takes the call in case the responding officers need more information.

Go inside the nearest business(es) and ask the manager to make an announcement.

United Animal Nations (UAN) focuses on bringing animals out of crisis and strengthening the bond between people and animals through a variety of programs, including emergency sheltering, disaster relief services, financial assistance and education. Learn more at www.uan.org.

Oh the drama among women!

2010-05-28T11:38:00.000-04:00

There has been a situation in my personal life concerning what I thought was a solid and mutual friendship that has been eating away at me since I returned from New Orleans. I need to vent. And with luck some of the readers of this blog may be able to relate to the frustration that I am feeling over this situation. Now I need to put up a disclaimer that this is my version of the events and as you know every story has three sides. The person telling the story, the other person (people) involved in the story and the truth. This is my version as I remember it.

This friend has been in my life for 10 yrs (actually just shy of 10yrs). We met at work and after a layoff we remained friends. (There is a 20 year age difference between us, her kids are my age!) Over the 10 yrs lots of life events have happened to both of us and we have had the highs and lows that every friendship has. Often I have turned the cheek and let things roll off my shoulder and let them pass without fanfare. However this latest string of events has really, really gotten under my skin.

Perhaps the best way to tell this story is to start with the present and work backwards. As you know I recently had the chance to visit New Orleans. It was completely unexpected, it was financially a really inexpensive deal and it was an opportunity for me to spend some time with my sister. When the trip was being booked there was some drama starting over the VA Beach trip that is scheduled to happen at the end of June. Based on what was being stirred up over that I made the decision to keep my New Orleans trip quiet and not let the cat out of the bag until the last minute. I was really looking forward to it and really didn't want anyone to get me down before I left. So the trip was in motion and I was ridiculously excited about it. What happened on the trip was completely unforgivable and it was done to me by someone I considered a really good friend.

So here is the situation in a nutshell. Every year for the past few years I have been going to VA Beach for a long weekend with my friends. Last year I went with this friend and another friend. Me and the other friend fronted the money for the friend this email is about. That money has never been repaid. So this year my guard was up. Long story short after discussing and planning and arguing thru January and February the trip gets booked in March. Well the hotel gets booked in March and everyone pays me. Now April rolls around and the flights get booked. They were expensive than they would have been months earlier but that part of the story is way to long. So everyone pays me but this friend. She is notorious among our friendship circle for not covering her debts. So immediately I am thinking, oh here we go. So I get her to confirm to a date to pay me. She starts to whine that if she pays for the flight and can't buy groceries. I was like sorry you owe me money. Then it was a new tactic..oh I have to buy my grandson a bday gift. Again sorry you owe me money. Yes that seems really bitchy. But prior to me booking the flights she bragged on FB how she goes out drinking with her daughter and blows money, she bought a Wii, she bought a TV...so she has money to do those things but is giving me a hard time about paying. After some heated emails she pays. Now all we have to do is sit back and wait and go on the trip.

Not exactly. From February to the present everytime me and this friend made plans she backed out. Or she changed them last minute and didn't include me. Or better yet would just not show up and you would read that she took off to VT to see her kid. I could have gotten all worked up and upset about this but honestly I didn't. I was saving money by staying home, I was getting stuff done around the house and honestly the more time we spent apart the more I realized that I was enjoying not being around her. She has at times been very negative, she is not a person who is happy when good things happen to other people, she plays the victim and after a while it drains you.

So life is going along and I am really excited about the trip. But along the past few months I have gotten emails from her complainging about the trip cost, the dates, the hotel. One day I got a scathing email ranting about how I was trying to ruin her trip and she wanted out. I immediately went back and asked her what the real problem was and she said nothing and things were back on track. After a while I started to get nervous everytime she emailed me because I wasn't sure what to expect. A week before the New Orleans trip she emailed me to make plans. She had no idea I was leaving for my trip and I simply told her I had commited to plans for the next two weekends. The reply went something like...you are avoiding me what is your problem. My reply was to simply point out that the last 6 times we had confirmed plans she never showed up or bailed. She wrote back that she can't even talk to me anymore. Ok um...well not sure why cuz I didn't do anything!!!! The very next day I got an ecard containing an apology from her. She was admitting that she kept ditching me and didn't want to fight.

So off to New Orleans courtesy of my sisters company (they covered the hotel) and my frequent flier miles. Woo-hoo off to relax and have fun. Until I made the fatal mistake of posting a pic from one of my tours. Instantly the blackberry is vibrating and I have an email from her demanding her trip money back. My reply..sorry its paid for and non refundable and too bad. She never paid me back for last year so honestly if she is set on cancelling then she can kiss the money goodbye. Like an idiot I engaged her and emails were flying back and forth for the remainder of the day. She decided not to go and went so far as to access my expedia account and make changes to the trip. Thankfully she only cancelled her flight but somehow she also manage to lock me out of my account. It was hurtful for a few reasons. Obviously I am on vacation and she knows it. It's posted on FB yet she decides to start this email fight and won't let it go. She attempted to bring down my vacation and thankfully the friends I was with wouldn't let her. The last email to her was to tell her that I felt she had done irrepairable damage to the friendship and I would never speak to her again.

What is really bothering me about all this is that it didn't need to happen. The trip was booked. It was $488pp for flight and hotel which honestly is nothing! There was never a fight, or an attitude as she claimed I had. I was being smart with my money and chosing to stay home on the weekends and not go to the dive bars she hangs out at so I had money to spend on the trip. Every plan we have made since February she has chosen to exclude me from at the last minute. Ok whatever..honestly (and I am 100% honest about this) I didn't care. I figured she was hanging with other people and I would see her for the trip. But it didn't stop there. What really bothers me is that she went on to call me names (princess, your royal highness and some other ridiculous names). She accused me of being a terrible friend to her and that is absolutely 100% not the case. I could spend hours making a list of what I have done for her verses what she hasn't done for me but honestly what is the point. She attacked my character, my personality and my friends. As I was reading the emails I couldn't help but think then why the hell have you been my "friend" for the past 10 yrs.

In life there are moments you never forget. And in friendship its the same. There are friendship moments that you will never forget and celebrate and there are the bad times too. What I have come to realize is that there are more bad times with this friend than good. I can honestly say that when she needed me I was there. I was there for family events, holidays, parties, funerals. I helped her move several times. I let her stay in my home when she had no place to go. When she was down and out and had no money I paid for her drinks, dinner and once even a trip. I have given her clothes with tags on it, home accessories I didn't need when I moved. I introduced her to my friends who accepted her into the friendship circle. Yet none of that was reciprocated. When I was struggling to make the mortgage payment two summers ago (that was the one year with no VA Beach trip) she went off and lived her life and left me home alone. I never did that to her. When I lost my Bacie she didn't come to the wake because there was 2 inches of snow and she couldn't possibly make it. My freaking loser ex...who I loathed at the time made it to the wake and to this day that is the only good thing I remember about him.

Am I princess? Maybe I am. I work hard, I do a horrible commute and at the end of the pay cycle I pay my bills and buy myself nice things. I am loyal to a fault to my friends and they are one of the most important things in my life. I would never intentionally treat a friend the way she has treated me. I am reliable. If I tell you I am going to do something I do it. If owning my own home and spending my money traveling makes me a princess then so be it!!!

The aftermath

2010-05-20T13:11:00.000-04:00

My travel over the past few years has taken me to some amazing places. Even though each of these places were geographically separated and they each had their own amazing personalities there was one common thread that was woven into my visit to all of them. I was there after a major disaster had occurred.

Fall of 2001 was my first time visiting NYC. NYC is one of the most amazing places to visit and explore. It was even more amazing to be there shortly after the terrorist attacks of September 2001. Ground Zero was still smoking, New Yorkers were uncharacteristically polite and helpful and the city was still cleaning itself up from the plume of dust and debris that covered it when the buildings fell. For lack of a better explanation it was creepy to be in the city right after this major life changing event happened and have it be so close to the most joyous of seasons...Christmas. As you looked down 5th Avenue you were faced with the most absurd vision. A decoration clad street that looked down upon the smoking wreckage of the two most prominent buildings in the city that had in an instant become a tomb for so many who couldn't escape. Since then I have visited the city yearly and over the years it has gone back to being the old NYC or so I assume. I was never able to visit the city before the Sept 11th attacks so I guess I can never comprehend how deeply the city and its citizens were affected.

A few years later in December 2004 the largest Tsumani to ever hit ground struck several nations along the Andaman Sea and Indian Ocean. In 2007 my first international trip, the first stamp in my new passport was Thailand. Phuket, Thailand. Patong Beach to be exact. Patong Beach took a direct hit from the Tsumani that claimed 200k lives and standing on the beach a mere three years later it was hard to imagine that it had actually happened. Hotels, restaurants, stores and homes for the most part had been rebuilt or repaired. At every major street there were Tsunami evacuation signs a constant reminder of the terror that struck these simple and peaceful people. On a day trip to the tropical forest we noticed a large navy ship sitting in the middle of a field a monument to the lives lost when the tsunami hit. It was easily three miles in from the ocean. The Thai people are resilient. They buried the dead and they rebuilt and they moved on. Being there and talking to them and seeing where it actually happened was an awe inspiring experience. There honestly is no way to really describe what it felt like to stand on the white sand beach and look out onto the perfectly calm ocean knowing that on that morning in Dec 2004 tourists did the same thing and only a few minutes later were hit with a 33 foot high wave.

In May of 2009 I had an opportunity to join my sister and a dear friend in Washington, DC. DC was also affected by the Sept 11th terorrist attack. We didn't have a an opportunity to see the Pentagon we only got a glimpse of it from Arlington National Cemetery. What we did notice was that every museum and/or attraction has a security checkpoint. Places like the FBI and the White House no longer give tours. Sept 11th robbed us our innocence and our feeling of security and in some places its more evident than others.

Present time...May 2010. After a few stress filled months my sister announced she was heading to a conference in New Orleans and mentioned I should join her. As luck would have it I had enough frequent flyer miles to take a free trip down there. Having never been to New Orleans I was seeing the city in the aftermath of Katrina and I was there right smack in the middle of the oil spill.

Upon our arrival in New Orleans we did what all visitors do we headed to the French Quarter. While walking thru the quarter we noticed that there didn't seem to be any damage or visible signs of damage that could have been from the hurricane. And we were too far up river to actually see the oil slick. But the very next day the wind shifted and was blowing up river from the gulf. And with it came the smell. At first we weren't sure what the stench was and finally I asked our French Quarter tour guide if that was oil we could smell. Yes it was and it was nasty and made you realize the damage it was doing to the wildlife and water in the gulf coast. Time will eventually show how far reaching the damage from the slick will be. We happened to catch the local news one night and the weather man was actually tracking the movement of the spill. The big concern was it catching the jet stream and spreading.

On our last day in New Orleans we did the super city tour. As the bus left the French Quarter we got up into the area known as the 7th ward. This was an area hit extremely hard by the hurricane and subsequent flooding. There were some houses that were boarded up and abandoned and still had the markings from the first responders on the front of the building. As we continued to drive toward the lake we passed through the area known as Lake Shore and again more of the same. This neighborhood abuts the levee and its about 6-8 below sea level and was another hard hit area.When the levees failed and the flooding happened it took weeks for it to finally receded. FEMA trailers are still in some yards. Over grown house lots remain where a house once stood. Most of the side streets are still being repaired and are closed to thru traffic. It's astounding the amount of damage that hasn't been fixed. Why? Well we have all heard the finger pointing by the different government agencies and the insurance companies and the citizens. Insurance companies have stopped insuring some homeowners because of the high cost of the hurricane. As the tour went on I couldn't help but have this thought....New Orleans was destroyed by this hurricane and yet no other country came to our aid. This really bothered me. So much so that I came home and googled Hurricane Katerina in an effort to learn more.

I was amazed to read the following on wikipedia: Over seventy countries pledged monetary donations or other assistance. Notably, Cuba and Venezuela (both hostile to US government themselves) were the first countries to offer assistance, pledging over $1 million, several mobile hospitals, water treatment plants, canned food, bottled water, heating oil, 1,100 doctors and 26.4 metric tons of medicine, though this aid was rejected by the U.S. government. Kuwait made the largest single pledge, $500 million; other large donations were made by Qatar and United Arab Emirates (each $100 million), South Korea ($30 million), Australia ($10 million), India, China (both $5 million), New Zealand ($2 million),[115] Pakistan ($1.5 million),[116] and Bangladesh ($1 million).[117]

India sent tarps, blankets and hygiene kits. An Indian Air Force IL-76 aircraft delivered 25 tonnes of relief supplies for the Hurricane Katrina victims at the Little Rock Air Force Base, Arkansas on September 13, 2005.

Israel sent an IDF delegation to New Orleans to transport aid equipment including 80 tons of food, disposable diapers, beds, blankets, generators and additional equipment which were donated from different governmental institutions, civilian institutions and the IDF. The Bush Administration announced in mid-September that it did not need Israeli divers and physicians to come to the United States for search and rescue missions, but a small team landed in New Orleans on September 10 to give assistance to operations already under way. The team administered first aid to survivors, rescued abandoned pets and discovered hurricane victims.

Countries like Sri Lanka, which was still recovering from the Indian Ocean Tsunami, also offered to help. Countries including Canada, Mexico, Singapore, and Germany sent supplies, relief personnel, troops, ships and water pumps to aid in the disaster recovery. Belgium sent in a team of relief personnel. Britain's donation of 350,000 emergency meals did not reach victims because of laws regarding mad cow disease. Russia's initial offer of two jets was declined by the U.S. State Department but accepted later. The French offer was also declined and requested later.

In the aftermath of the Haiti earthquake many Americans (some that I personally know) all complained that no one ever helps us when something bad happens. Well apparently they do, we just don't advertise it.

All that said...New Orleans was amazing. Yes we did Bourbon Street and drank like hooligans. But we also did some really great tours, learned a lot about the area and met some really nice people. If haven't been already...then get off your butt and plan a trip.

Spring is here and its time for my rebirth

2010-04-02T10:18:00.003-04:00

The last five years have been about spring cleaning for me," says Jen. "Now it’s time for my rebirth. I love trying new things. I can’t just be put in a box.” Jennifer Aniston

While reading the Harpar's Bazaar article about Jennifer Aniston this quote just jumped right out at me. My spring cleaning has been going on for just about year. It started with finally severing the ties with the ex (ah yes finally even my myspace page came down) it continued with my move and a fresh start in a home that is filled with so many precious and happy memories and its finalizing with a feeling of control over my life my finances and my future.

Ironically I read this article after a truly horrible fight with someone who was very close to me. Facebook is ultimately going to be the death of personal friendships and contact. I say this simply because it seems more and more people are using it as their main and in some cases only tool to communicate. A life long friend kept posting stuff from an online game on my page. Finally one of this ridiculous pictures infected my PC with a virus. I am very particular about what goes on my facebook page as I have a lot of my co-workers as friends. They don't need to see gaming stuff, inappropriate pictures or disgusting remarks on my page. So I sent and email to this friend asking her to stop and I explained why. What happened next is completely ridiculous. Not only did she "unfriend" me...but she became combative when I tried to email her about it. It got the to point where we have ended the friendship and we will never speak again.

How did all this go so wrong between us? I am a giver. I give relentlessly, whether you want it or not, and I expect some sort of friendship back. There was a time when I was a big part of this friends life and then there were times when we went our separate ways. Friendships always go through the ringer when people fall in love, get married, get divorced, have kids, or not get married, not have kids and cultivate a career, sometimes your lives change and that’s when you see whom your real friends are. The ones who are superficial fall away, and the ones who are in deep stick around. There are friends I’ve had for decades and sometimes we don’t talk for a couple of years because we’ve been too busy having babies or working or something. We ALWAYS circle back, even if it’s just a hit and run email to let them know we’re thinking of them. Everyone's lives are busy and none of us are out there curing cancer so in my eyes that doesn't make any of us any better than the rest of us. And if your only source of communication with your friendship circle is to post status updates on your FB page then you deserve to be forgotten about. Get the hell off the computer and call a friend and have a freaking conversation.

What hurt the most about the demise of this friendship (and yes at this point its 100% unfixable) is that rather than just say what was bothering her she brought up every issue and every negative thing that has happened between us in the past 30+ years and tried to make it sound like I was a horrible person. For a split second I almost believed her. But then I stopped and started to do some serious thinking. And I realized that I am a good person and a great friend. My friends are like my family, I do everything I can for them and sometimes I really think they don't always realize it. This "friend" proceeded to tell me everything she hated about me, she gave a list of every fault she found with and basically eluded to the fact that its a wonder I have any friends at all.

Of course these comments hurt my feelings. Some of them made me cry and some of them really pissed me off. After a few rounds of nasty emails I basically realized that no matter what I said and what I did it was never going to be good enough for her. Apparently there is only room for one person on her pedestal and the person is her. Well I have heard its lonely at the top so time will tell.

So that said...we are here on Good Friday getting ready to celebrate Easter. Easter is the holiday that celebrates rebirth. And the fact that it happens in the spring, the season of rebirth its appropriate that all this friendship drama has happened now. I am going to take inspriration from the season and I am going to immerse myself in my own rebirth. Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed by all of the relationships in my life...work, family, friends...everything and everyone. And sometimes when you are feeling beaten down you need to take some time. Time for yourself. To think and figure out what is going to make you happy. You are the only one who can truly make yourself happy. No one else can do it for you. And since the start of the new year I have felt anything but happy. So with the good weather coming I plan to take some me time and really think about what I want out of the next year of my life. I am going to set goals, I am going to make plans, I am not going to be afraid to be alone and most importantly I am really going to reevaluate my friendships and make sure that the relationships in my life are heathly and not hurtful.

I truly hope everyone takes my lead and does the same. Sometimes its good to do a little spring cleaning!

Sisters

2010-03-25T09:32:00.002-04:00

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter

'Don't forget your Sisters,' she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters.
Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.'

'Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too. 'You'll need other women. Women always do.'

What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married?
Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature
work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.

After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:
THIS SAYS IT ALL:
Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.

BUT.........
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers,
Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.

What I Think About When I am Running

2010-01-15T12:38:00.004-05:00

The new year has started and with it the resolutions. Like so many American's out there I am on the "let's get in shape" bandwagon and hoping to have some great results by this time next year. So me and some of my friends are back on our myfitnesspal.com accounts tracking our calories and the routine of getting back to the gym has started again.

One of my other resolutions is to no longer look back at the past and dwell on it. It happened, things that occurred can't be changed and spending energy looking back isn't going to help me move forward. During my Costa Rican vacation there was a lot of quiet time during tour bus rides, hikes, and flying. Most of the flight home from Atlanta was spent deep in thought about that very day last year. I flew home from Puerto Rico literally at the same time I was flying home from Costa Rica and stepping off the plane at Logan set off a series of events that lead to what I feel was one of the worst years of my life. You read the blogs so there is no sense in repeating history (see, already sticking to my new resolution). This time I prayed things would be better this year.

So at 4am Monday morning the alarm was going off and surprisingly I found myself at the gym stretching for what would be my first run since my Disney trip in Nov. Having to adapt to running in a hot, crowded gym with the possibility of running into people I did not want to see sort of kept me from diligently working out. But those were excuses and having changed my routine has me feeling a lot better about my workouts.

As the run went on my thoughts really started to drift. Last year running was the furthest thing from my mind. Shin splints and pure laziness had left me to waste time on the elliptical every day. Then life intervened and I no longer felt the gym was an option, so suddenly here I was running. Not only running but running longer distances each time. Suddenly I was enjoying something that I used to loathe and setting goals to attempt a half marathon.

There is a certain solace in participating in a solo sport. Things like running, cross country skiing and crew allow a person to just become part of the scenery. In some sense my runs provide me with a span of time to decompress from my life. Its a time that allows me to think about where I have been, what I did to get to where I am, what I am doing right and most importantly where do I want to be tomorrow. In a sense my sneakers have become my therapist. Just this week life had me a bit down. Three friends engaged in 3 weeks and although I was excited and happy for them I couldn't help but think...why not me? So the next morning I laced up and set out to run a 3k. My mind started to make a list of pros and cons of my life and after a while I started to think that although my life is very different from a lot of my friends its not bad either. Being lost in thought stretched my run from a 3k to a 5k allowing me time to really figure out that although my life isn't going the way I planned, its definitely headed in the right direction and as a result I hit my goal of getting back to 5k runs.

The new year has just began and my goal is to run 500km this year. Last year from Aug-Dec I ran 196km. Not to bad for a beginner. This is definitely going to give me plenty of time to have some self therapy sessions. One doesn't know what life will throw at them until its happening. I find solice in the fact that no matter what happens to me this year I have my running time try to sort it out.

The Happiest People

2010-01-07T15:27:00.000-05:00

Hmmm. You think it’s a coincidence? Costa Rica is one of the very few countries to have abolished its army, and it’s also arguably the happiest nation on earth.

There are several ways of measuring happiness in countries, all inexact, but this pearl of Central America does stunningly well by whatever system is used. For example, the World Database of Happiness, compiled by a Dutch sociologist on the basis of answers to surveys by Gallup and others, lists Costa Rica in the top spot out of 148 nations.

That’s because Costa Ricans, asked to rate their own happiness on a 10-point scale, average 8.5. Denmark is next at 8.3, the United States ranks 20th at 7.4 and Togo and Tanzania bring up the caboose at 2.6.

Scholars also calculate happiness by determining “happy life years.” This figure results from merging average self-reported happiness, as above, with life expectancy. Using this system, Costa Rica again easily tops the list. The United States is 19th, and Zimbabwe comes in last.
A third approach is the “happy planet index,” devised by the New Economics Foundation, a liberal think tank. This combines happiness and longevity but adjusts for environmental impact — such as the carbon that countries spew.

Here again, Costa Rica wins the day, for achieving contentment and longevity in an environmentally sustainable way. The Dominican Republic ranks second, the United States 114th (because of its huge ecological footprint) and Zimbabwe is last.

Maybe Costa Rican contentment has something to do with the chance to explore dazzling beaches on both sides of the country, when one isn’t admiring the sloths in the jungle (sloths truly are slothful, I discovered; they are the tortoises of the trees). Costa Rica has done an unusually good job preserving nature, and it’s surely easier to be happy while basking in sunshine and greenery than while shivering up north and suffering “nature deficit disorder.”
After dragging my 12-year-old daughter through Honduran slums and Nicaraguan villages on this trip, she was delighted to see a Costa Rican beach and stroll through a national park. Among her favorite animals now: iguanas and sloths.

(Note to boss: Maybe we should have a columnist based in Costa Rica?)
What sets Costa Rica apart is its remarkable decision in 1949 to dissolve its armed forces and invest instead in education. Increased schooling created a more stable society, less prone to the conflicts that have raged elsewhere in Central America. Education also boosted the economy, enabling the country to become a major exporter of computer chips and improving English-language skills so as to attract American eco-tourists.

I’m not antimilitary. But the evidence is strong that education is often a far better investment than artillery.

In Costa Rica, rising education levels also fostered impressive gender equality so that it ranks higher than the United States in the World Economic Forum gender gap index. This allows Costa Rica to use its female population more productively than is true in most of the region. Likewise, education nurtured improvements in health care, with life expectancy now about the same as in the United States — a bit longer in some data sets, a bit shorter in others.

Rising education levels also led the country to preserve its lush environment as an economic asset. Costa Rica is an ecological pioneer, introducing a carbon tax in 1997. The Environmental Performance Index, a collaboration of Yale and Columbia Universities, ranks Costa Rica at No. 5 in the world, the best outside Europe.

This emphasis on the environment hasn’t sabotaged Costa Rica’s economy but has bolstered it. Indeed, Costa Rica is one of the few countries that is seeing migration from the United States: Yankees are moving here to enjoy a low-cost retirement. My hunch is that in 25 years, we’ll see large numbers of English-speaking retirement communities along the Costa Rican coast.

Latin countries generally do well in happiness surveys. Mexico and Colombia rank higher than the United States in self-reported contentment. Perhaps one reason is a cultural emphasis on family and friends, on social capital over financial capital — but then again, Mexicans sometimes slip into the United States, presumably in pursuit of both happiness and assets.

Cross-country comparisons of happiness are controversial and uncertain. But what does seem quite clear is that Costa Rica’s national decision to invest in education rather than arms has paid rich dividends. Maybe the lesson for the United States is that we should devote fewer resources to shoring up foreign armies and more to bolstering schools both at home and abroad.

In the meantime, I encourage you to conduct your own research in Costa Rica, exploring those magnificent beaches or admiring those slothful sloths. It’ll surely make you happy.

2009 A Look Back

2009-12-23T17:02:00.002-05:00

Ah its quickly approaching that time of the year again. The end of one year and in this case the beginning of not only a new year but a new decade as well. Maybe its the holiday season or just the passing of time but I always seem to get nostalgic at this time of the year.

2009 came in like a lion and thankfully is leaving like a lamb (in some respects). I touched down at Logan after a wonderful vacation with a very dear friend only to be thrown into the emotional roller coaster of my beloved Babcie being admitted to the hospital with a simple urinary track infection and the shock of her passing away a week later of a massive infection. While mouring her passing I dealt with the onslaught of the lies, deceit and manipulation of not only my ex (a man who I was deeply in love with and thought was going to be in my life for a very long time) but all of the crazy woman he had wronged in the past. During a time when I was devasted by the loss of my grandmother (who had become over the years one of my best friends and most dependable confidant) I was being tormented and abused by a string of psychos who contacted me thru myspace and revealed all the lies, cheating, and disgusting things that my ex had been doing behind my back. In one week I lost two important people from my life.

Over time life went on and the process of purging the bad and negative from my life began. I was no longer going to tolerate people in my life who brought me down, disrepected me and who didn't have something positive to contribute to the friendship. So I end the year with a few less friends than I began but its those friends who are still here that I cherish. You are not only my friends but my extended family as well. It takes some rough times in life to show you who you can truly rely on.

As I look forward to 2010 I finally feel a sense of security that has been missing for quite some time. I have friends and family that I can depend on. I am living in a home that has is a link to my pass and hopefully the promise of a future. My health is holding steady and my job for the time being is safe. What more could a person want??

With luck 2010 will bring with it good times, fond memories, trips to new places and most importantly lots of laughter with the people I love the most ....my friends and family.

Happy New Year to all of you!!!

The things we have in common.

2009-12-14T12:30:00.003-05:00

It's that time of the year again. The annual trip to NYC to see the city all lit up for the holidays. After a fantastic day we headed to Penn Station for the bus trip home. My friend Julie really, really wanted to sit at the cafe table on the bus. This way the three of us could sit as a group and chat. Perfect...until she got on the bus and noticed a girl sitting at the table. Oh no! Well Julie being Julie asked the girl if we could sit with her. Next thing you we are making new friends.

You might be wondering at this point why I am writing a blog about meeting a stranger on the bus ride from NYC to Boston. Well its because a funny thing happened.

As the bus headed uptown to the highway the chit chat began. Where are you from, what were doing in the city. Then Julie mentioned my upcoming trip to Costa Rica and everything changed. Our new friend had not only been there, but she lived in the area where I was going. After chatting for a while about the area where I will be visiting she mentioned Thailand. Bingo...another place I had also traveled to and we were able to chat about that for a bit too. After a while the chit chat turned to future trips and she mentioned that she was leaving for Kenya at the start of the new year. Really? Why? Because her boyfriend dumped her and she was "running away".

It was at that moment that my Ah-Ha moment happened. Here I am on a bus to Boston with a 26 year old, incredibly pretty and stylish stranger and I have just realized we have something major in common. It was just last year that I was jumping on a plane to Puerto Rico because I was finally realizing that my ex was never going to be mine again. The very thought of running into him on NY Eve was too much to handle so I got the hell out of dodge. At the time I thought I was the only one who did such irrational things like that. I this to my new friend and told her that I am still single and dating my passport. Well that was the ice breaker right there. Suddenly we were telling our breakup stories and talking about the places we have been and want to go. It was at that point that I realized that I am not crazy, just human.

It was somewhat comforting to know that at that moment I had something in common with this young, pretty person who in real life I would never have even spoken to. Its funny that we all feel the need to run away and lick our wounds when the person we love moves onto to someone else. Maybe thet travel sites need to tap into this new craze and offer deals for single women who just need to get away!

Ladies stand up for yourselves!

2009-11-20T10:07:00.002-05:00

In the past week there have been two news headlines have gotten the attention of women everywhere and have provoked discussions.

The first headline discussed how the government wants to change the guidelines on mammograms. The proposed new guidelines recommend starting regular screening mammograms at age 50, rather than at age 40 as current guidelines recommend. They recommend screening before age 50 only for women with a much-higher-than-average risk of breast cancer. The proposed new guidelines also call for mammograms to be done every other year instead of every year, as recommended by current guidelines.

Are they kidding? Everyday there are women around the world being diagnosed with various stages of breast cancer. And some of these women are a lot younger than 40!

The second headline was about changing the screening process for cervical cancer. This one hit very close to home. The guidelines from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists or ACOG now say women younger than 30 should undergo cervical cancer screening once every two years instead of an annual exam. And those age 30 and older can be screened once every three years. Some of you know, some don't so here is the story in a nutshell. My ex was a womanizer who slept around and lied about it. Because he told me we were monogamous we chose not to use condoms for the 3 years we were together. In April 2007 I got my first bad pad. I was horrified and scares and confused. Suddenly my Ob/GYN was telling me I had to have biospies, cancer screenings and all kinds of other invasive procedures. They wanted to start immediately. Thankfully I took it upon myself to demand a second opinion and that doctor recommended a specialist. It's been 2 years and 7 months and I am still going thru procedures. Over this time I have had a pap every 3 months. Out of all of those 2 came back clean and then all of a sudden they were abnormal again. I have 4 strains of HPV given to my by ex. They are the 4 cancer causing strains. Cervical cancer is a slow-growing cancer caused by exposure to certain strains of the human papillomavirus (HPV), a common sexually transmitted disease among women and men. HPV is the most common sexually transmitted disease in the world. About 20 million Americans currently are infected with HPV, according to the CDC. In September I had yet another invasive procedure done and more biospies were taken. They came back the same: abnormal cells, HPV present. I have an oncologist in Boston watching my case file and this time I get a reprieve. I have a 6 month break and in March I go back. If its abnormal again we start to discuss surgical options. I am lucky that my doctor is throrough. I complain and cry right before every appointment and stress out until the results come back. Thankfully we are not at the cancer stage yet. But what if I had a pap in 2006 and then waited til 2009 to get another one. This virus would have been growing in my body for 3 years undetected. Yes cervical cancer rates are low but that doesnt' mean women should be told not to screen for it.

Ladies, you are the boss of your own health and body. You pay for your insurance, you choose your doctor. If don't like the advice they are giving you then switch. Make sure your insurance company is covering your exams. Make sure your doctor is giving them to you. Don't let the government decide when you should get screened for cancer. It's your life...fight for it!

An Apology To My Readers

2009-11-18T15:32:00.002-05:00

Hi Everyone,
It apprears that someone got on the blog email and was using it to send out porn invites. I have gone thru the account, reset all the privacy settings, blocked/banned the offending readers and now every new member has to be invited by me to read the blog.

Hopefully this stops the incessant and disgusting emails we have all been getting. Sorry it took so long but I couldn't figure out how to adjust the settings. If you get anymore please let me know!

Gotta love the virtual world where anyone can hack and account abuse email readers everywhere!

Friday the 13th: Your Luck Is About to Change

2009-11-13T13:04:00.001-05:00

If Friday the 13th is unlucky, then 2009 has been an unusually unlucky year. But your luck is about to change. Today is the last of three Friday the 13ths you'll have to endure this year.
The other two were in February and March. Such a rare triple-threat occurs only once every 11 years.

The origin of the link between bad luck and Friday the 13th is murky. The whole thing might date to Biblical times (the 13th guest at the Last Supper betrayed Jesus). By the Middle Ages, both Friday and the number 13 were considered bearers of bad fortune. In modern times, the superstition permeates society.

Here are five of our favorite Friday-the-13th facts:

1. Fear of Friday the 13th - one of the most popular myths in science - is called paraskavedekatriaphobia as well as friggatriskaidekaphobia. Triskaidekaphobia is fear of the number 13.

2. Many hospitals have no room 13, while some tall buildings skip the 13th floor and some airline terminals omit Gate 13.

3. President Franklin D. Roosevelt would not travel on the 13th day of any month and would never host 13 guests at a meal. Napoleon and President Herbert Hoover were also triskaidekaphobic, with an abnormal fear of the number 13.

4. Mark Twain once was the 13th guest at a dinner party. A friend warned him not to go. "It was bad luck," Twain later told the friend. "They only had food for 12." Superstitious diners in Paris can hire a quatorzieme, or professional 14th guest.

5. The number 13 suffers from its position after 12, according to numerologists who consider the latter to be a complete number - 12 months in a year, 12 signs of the zodiac, 12 gods of Olympus, 12 labors of Hercules, 12 tribes of Israel, 12 apostles of Jesus, 12 days of Christmas and 12 eggs in a dozen.

Pythagorean legacy

Meanwhile the belief that numbers are connected to life and physical things - called numerology - has a long history.

"You can trace it all the way from the followers of Pythagoras, whose maxim to describe the universe was 'all is number,'" says Mario Livio, an astrophysicist and author of "The Equation That Couldn't Be Solved" (Simon & Schuster, 2005). Thinkers who studied under the famous Greek mathematician combined numbers in different ways to explain everything around them, Livio said.

In modern times, numerology has become a type of para-science, much like the meaningless predictions of astrology, scientists say.

"People are subconsciously drawn towards specific numbers, because they know that they need the experiences, attributes or lessons associated with them, that are contained within their potential," says professional numerologist Sonia Ducie. "Numerology can 'make sense' of an individual's life (health, career, relationships, situations and issues) by recognizing which number cycle they are in, and by giving them clarity."

However, mathematicians dismiss numerology, saying it lacks any scientific merit.
"I don't endorse this at all," Livio said, when asked to comment on the popularity of commercial numerology. Seemingly coincidental connections between numbers will always appear if you look hard enough, he said.

Veteran's Day

2009-11-11T10:32:00.000-05:00

Taken from the USA Today:

Maybe you've been to a sporting event where the announcer tells the crowd that veterans are present – and everyone rises to give them a standing ovation. Maybe you've heard someone quietly tell a vet, "thanks for your service," or done that yourself.

Americans might disagree strongly about whether the nation should be at war in Afghanistan or Iraq, but in a welcome departure from the hostility that greeted too many returning Vietnam vets in the 1960s and 1970s, it's routine today to honor the courage and sacrifice of those who served – and not just on Veterans Day, but year-round. So in that one sense at least, times have changed for the better, and the change could not be more timely.

With the demise of the draft, the burden of war is now borne by comparatively few. Eight grinding years of war in Afghanistan and more than five years in Iraq have forced volunteers to endure repeated combat tours that have frayed families and inflicted psychological damage on top of mortal risk.

The vast majority of us are untouched by this. We don't feel the everyday fear that's common for those with children, spouses or other relatives in war zones – or the grief of those whose loved ones don't make it home.

This Veterans Day finds U.S. troops deployed abroad in numbers that could grow by tens of thousands if President Obama accepts his commanders' recommendations to send more forces to Afghanistan.

The president underscored the gravity of that decision when he went to Dover Air Force Base late one night last month to be part of the "dignified transfer" of 18 Americans slain in Afghanistan. For years, the arrivals were off-limits to the press, which can now cover them if the families of the dead allow it. Last month one family did, and the photos of Obama saluting a flag-draped container in the early morning darkness were a sobering reminder to all Americans of the price paid by many of those who serve.

It should also serve as a reminder that those who come home alive are sometimes wounded physically or emotionally in ways that deserve care and attention they don't always get. Those who need extra help more than merit it, and for all veterans, especially on this day, a simple thank you is the least the rest of us can offer.

Another Tsunami

2009-10-01T12:17:00.006-04:00

It was reported yesterday that a Tsunami hit American Samoa and another earthquake struck Sumatra Indonesia. News reports also indicated that even though the Tsunami warning systems are in place, they are not always effective. The article below specifically discusses Patong Beach, Phuket, Thailand.

Some of you are probably wondering why I care about a Tsunami that happened on the other side of the world from me. Well because I have been to one of these place. I walked on Patong Beach one of the areas in Thailand that took a direct hit. Sumatra is just to the south.

Map of Southeast Asia (You can see Phuket and the olive area below it is the Sumarta region)

In 2004 the Tsunami struck killing hundreds of thousands and leaving those left behind to fend for themselves. In Thailand the government doesn't send in FEMA to clean up your house or rebuild it. You do. The locals refer to it as the "Big Wave" and they not very interested in talking about it or dwelling on it. They began rebuilding that very day and neighbor helped neighbor and life went on. On our trip to the Tropical forest we saw a navy ship sitting the middle of a farmers field about 10 miles inland from the ocean. It had been brought there and left there by the Tsunami.

Phuket is a very mountainous area. So with proper warning people (residents and thousands of tourists) could feasibly make it to higher ground. With techinology being as advanced as it is you would think that they could create reliable warning systems. As the article below states, that is not the case.

Here is a pic of Patong Beach (notice the mountains in the background)

This is what Patong Beach looked like when I visited:

This is the same beach in 2004 three years earlier. The locals indicated that the waves came over the tree tops which could have been as high as 33 ft.

When you hear reports about the Tsunamis or the Typhoons don't just dismiss it as something that is happening a world away. These are people like you and me who face a devastion you cannot imagine. Yes, Katrina was awful. But those people had warnings, they had time to flee and they escaped with their lives. This event completely blindsided the locals and tourists who had just finished celebrating Christmas. I have met some of these people, spoken with them, laughed with them and shared their home with them for 15 days. It's a beautiful place full of some of the kindess people you will ever meet. Let's just hope that if this happens to them again they have a chance to escape to higher ground.

Here is the article from Foxnews.com
The latest tsunami in South-east Asia raises again the real fear in this region of another horrific disaster. But will the warnings save lives if a killer wave again strikes? Any warning will help some people have time to escape to higher ground, but the reality is that lives are still in danger the current warning systems.

For example, The Pacific Tsunami Warning Center immediately sent out an e mail statement today when the earthquake happened off Sumatra, warning that "there is a possibility of a destructive regional tsunami in the Indian Ocean." That message goes immediately to emergency services and the media who can issue warnings. But it seems difficult to clear the beaches and coastal towns and villages in time.

Thailand, for instance, recently held a massive tsunami evacuation drill across six southern provinces. Yet many villagers failed to hear the alert from the 79 warning towers that have been installed along the coast since the tsunami struck in Christmas of 2004. Instead, local officials resorted to hand-operated sirens and even car horns to alert villagers to the danger.
Some people have warned this could be dangerous in the event of a real tsunami.

A series of tsunami detection buoys have also been installed across the region by the US Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. They are supposed to inform people about a tsunami before it hits shore.

In Thailand’s case, a buoy off the popular tourist destination of Phuket, which was hit hard by the 2004 tsunami, is not working properly. It was launched in December 2006 but stopped transmitting for a month in mid-June this year.

According to the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, the buoy is now operating on a back-up battery and will likely stop transmitting for good sometime next month. Thai authorities say they will replace it as soon as they can.

It's nevertheless frightening that at the moment, an area such as Phuket full of thousands of tourists is dependent on a faulty tsunami buoy for early warning about a potentially killer wave

When the memories come flooding back

2009-09-23T12:59:00.002-04:00

"In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.”

You never know when its going to happen. Maybe you simply open a box, flip through a photo album, go to a restaurant or simply pass someone on the street. It's that moment, that trigger that sends your thoughts spinning and before you know it you are reminiscing about that love that got away. We all do it. It's what we do with it that counts.

The world of social networking has made it so much easier to keep in touch with old friends and keep tabs on ex's. We have all done it....gone to the page of that one that got away. Admit it, it feels good when the pics of the ex show him alone, or heavier than the last time you saw him. There is a certain satisfaction that you derive when you see that life isn't quite going his way.

The downside is finding out his life is going better than expected. When you click on the page and notice those dreaded words...."In a relationship". By the time you are done reading the sentence you are already clicking on the pics tab and looking to see what your replacement looks like.

When you really, truly loved someone and the breakup wasn't your decision the process of letting go can be hard. It doesn't matter if you are in your twenties, thirties or even fifties and sixties. Sometimes it just sucks to be alone. And sometimes after a night out with friends after having a few beverages the mind wanders.

We have all fallen victim to the drunk dialing, texting and emailing. All of which can sometimes open pandora's box and unleash the ex back into our thoughts. Sure we convince ourselves that enough time has passed and we are ok with being friends. Never gonna happen. The ex is just that an ex. Regardless of how deep the friendship was, how solid the commitment appeared to be and perfect the sex was the fact remains that he is your ex and he is the ex for a reason.

At somepoint you just finally have to let it go. For some it could take a week to get back out there and move on. Others it takes longer and for some you never really get over that one true love that you lost. But for each of us there is a time when you just have to finally purge him. Take the # out of the cell phone, remove him from your chat lists and delete him from your friends list. Why? Because he is no longer your friend, he is your ex.

Lonely

2009-09-03T12:59:00.002-04:00

A while back I came across the Love Letter column in the Boston Globe. Every so often a topic grabs my eye and I click on it and read the letters, advice and subsequent comments posted by readers.

For some reason today's letter grabbed my attention. The letter write appears to have some issues (possibly depression, addiction to grief...) but the overall theme of the letter is really what hit a cord with me. Some of the comments alluded to the fact that this girl was addicted to her grief, depressed or just plan crazy. But as I was reading this letter I started thinking that there are probably hundreds of women of all ages out there who feel the same way...LONELY.

Yes we have our friends. We have our jobs, education, hobbies and god knows what else in our lives. But these things still don't fill the void that one feels when they walk into an empty house at the end of a day. Maybe I am reading too much into this. The letter and the writers response are below. Feel free to comment!

Dearest Meredith,

I’m attractive, fit, outgoing, fun, and independent. I’ve had boyfriends since I was 14 – never in a needy way, but it was easy to meet & date. When I was 26, I met a guy & thought, finally – this is ‘THE ONE.’ In my eyes he/we were perfect (I was wrong). After 5 years he broke up with me – it was devastating. I remember thinking, this will take a few months to get over, it’s going to suck – but I can do it. Fast forward 5 years. I bought a house, earned a masters degree. I put on a brave face, but my heart never healed. While I’m not (& never have been) suicidal – there were times I thought dying would be easier. I tried counseling. I remember the therapist said, “You will find love again.” I haven’t. I’ve dated, had one brief relationship, he was sweet, I got comfortable - but I didn’t love him so I ended it. I tried online dating w/ disastrous results, blind dates, I go to bars, sports/work events, I volunteer regularly – to keep busy & meet people. All while watching my friends get married, have babies, & buy big, beautiful homes in the ‘burbs.

I’m happy for them, but it’s a grim reminder of how alone I am.I’ve come a long way from the sad state I was in, but think of him often– it just happens. I’ve deleted emails/numbers, thrown away photos/gifts, but I can’t erase him from my memory. I feel like I won’t be 100% over him, till I find someone new – but won’t find someone new till I’m 100% over him. It’s a vicious cycle. I have more blessings than I can count – but I’m tired of being alone. Despite a tough few years – I’m in a better place & ready to meet someone – it seems nobody is left. during the 5 years I spent w/ the ex, 2 years in a funk, 3 years dating the wrong guys – BOOM, I’m 36 & I can’t find that spark, although I've met lots of nice guys. I’m NOT freaking out about marriage/babies, if it doesn't happen - ok. I don't think if give off that "desperate vibe" b/c I'm usually the one to end it. I’d just like to find a good guy, why is it so hard?

This is the advice I’ve gotten for 5 years: “Time heals,” “Good things happen to good people,” “Your turn will come”, “Stay positive”, “Focus on you”, “Living well is the best revenge,” “Hang out w/ your girlfriends / find a hobby / take a vacation”. If I get one more piece of crappy, cliché advice I’m gonna snap. I’ve heard it all – I’ve done it all. I’m still at ground zero – so now what?
– Miss M

A: Miss M,

anyone who says “your turn will come” deserves a stubbed toe.

Your turn probably will come, but that’s beside the point. No one knows when, and no one knows for sure.Your letter reminds me of this other letter. That letter writer was younger and in a different place, but the emotions are similar. I'll say it again -- sometimes getting over a real love takes years. Years and years and years and years and years. One thing to watch out for in your case is whether you’ve developed an addiction to grief. Sometimes the body and mind get used to feeling miserable. That misery becomes like a drug – destructive and comforting at the same time. You may need to train your brain to feel other emotions. It will take more therapy -- and some discussion with said therapist about whether this is a depression. It’s time to consider all options. And please find a new therapist – someone who doesn’t spout affirmations for no good reason.You should know (and explain this to your new therapist) that this isn’t just about your ex or your lack of a romantic partner. You’ve been through a lot – a degree, various moves, turning 35 (plus one) …and you’ve done it on your own. Don’t give your ex so much credit.

You’re overwhelmed and a bit lonely, but he’s only a part of the reason why.You ask, “Now what?” The answer is: you keep living. You do some more therapy and try to figure out some new ways to shake up your system. You make a list of the things that bring you pure joy and you seek those things out. You have a little faith that clichés get to be clichés because they’re often true.

You must also consider that you fell in love with your ex in your 20s, when it was easy to get to know someone without trying too hard. If you met your ex now -- at some singles event or by playing on a sports team -- I'm not so sure the spark would be instantaneous. In your 30s, you have to make more of an effort to get to know someone over time. It's a hassle and it feels forced, but it pays off.

Readers? Advice for the lonely? Therapy is key, for sure, but is this really about Miss M's ex? Is age a factor with this problem? – Meredith

Run Forrest Run!

2009-09-02T14:01:00.003-04:00

The trip to DC in May was sort of spur of the moment. Spending a weekend in DC with my sister and Alina was a trip I couldn't turn down. While there we walked the streets, did the tours and saw the sights. And part of those sites was watching the "locals" go about their days despite all the tourists. A common thread among the locals caught both me and Alina's eye. They all jog!

It seemed like everyone in DC was out jogging. It didn't matter what time of day, how humid or how rainy, everywhere we looked we saw joggers. Some were obviously experienced runners and run they did with long strides and even longer distances. Others were simply joggers, simply trying to raise their heart beat and get in some exercise during the day. It was something we not only noticed but commented on again and again during the trip.

Once home the task of working out came up again. Here it was summer. And in Boston summer is only about 3 months long and then you are back into chilly and eventually downright cold weather. A cold weather person I am not! So the debate on how to enjoy the weather after work and still get in a workout was suddenly front and center. From the DC trip to the end of May my routine of hitting the gym almost everyday after work became more and more frustrating. There is a reason and those closest to me know what it is. And they also know why I can't go into detail about it. Prying eyes and all! So now the trip to VA Beach arrives and again during the trip I notice people out everyday running the boardwalk. Truly frustrated at myself for not bringing sneakers I vowed to begin running when I got home.

The month of June brought 26 days of rain to Boston. Since its been a few years since I have suited up and run outside on pavement I dared not run in the rain. Having hurt my ankle in the past I wasn't about to take another misstep and prevent myself from taking up running again. So patiently I waited and hit the gym late at night to begin "treadmill" training for my runs. By July the weather was cooperating and the running began. Slowly but surely I ran carefully watching to see if the ankle would act up or the shin splints would reappear. They didn't and so far haven't.

Recently, Alina introduced me to something that has put a whole new focus on my running. Its the Nike+Ipod sports kit. Designed to be used with Nike sneakers its a "chip" that is inserted into the sneaker, syncs up with your Ipod and monitors your runs. You set your preferences and calibrate it and then you are ready to go. As you start your run you start your ipod and it tracks your distance, time, pace and the time and date of the run. Upload the info into itunes when you are done and the info is sent to the Nikeplus site. The fun part is that the Nike site stores your data, tracks your runs, allows you to set goals, join challenges and you can even be "friends" with your other running friends. So even though Alina and I are not in the same state we can still virtually run together everyday. Since the purchase I have increased my runs from a measly .5 km 4.0 km this week. My goal by Nov 1st is to hit 5km which should prove to be no problem.

Running is not my thing. I loved my gym workouts and when committed noticed my body toning and shaping from my cardio and strength training. Being able to jump on the elliptical or the rowing machine meant my ankles and foot were free from pain. But life is what it is and this is my workout now. At some point I have to find some time to get to the gym and incorporate some strength back into my routine. In the past few days I have noticed a tightness in my left heel and there are some mornings where I cannot even put weight on it. It's something to watch to see if it gets better or worse. Right now I am not letting this stop me. For the time being I am just enjoying the solitude of an early evening run and the sense of accomplish as my distance gets longer each week.

If you are interested in the Nike + iPod sport kit check it out here:
http://store.nike.com/index.jsp?sitesrc=uspl&country=US&lang_locale=en_US#l=shop,pdp,ctr-inline/cid-1/pid-118523

To follow my runs and see what challenges I complete check out my profile at:
http://my.nike.com/haraskie

Also here is a book I plan to read in the next few months:
What I talk about when I talk about running by Haruki Murakami

You can always come home

2009-08-18T13:25:00.008-04:00

It's been 9 months since she passed. Yet it seems like yesterday. Her passing took us by surprise as she had a simple urinary tract infection. Days of highs and lows began with her passing and we have had to clear several hurdles since then. The first holiday without her, the first birthday, the first of so many things. Then the settling of the estate and the will and selling the house.

Then the day came to pack up her house. Rifle through her belonging and distribute the material possessions that meant so much to her and toss what no one wanted. It's funny when you lose someone you love because suddenly the simplest object suddenly carries so much weight. For some it was pictures, mementos that will keep her close. Others it was furniture or trinkets. For me it was her voice. And knowing that the sound of her laughter is perserved on something as simple as her answering machine gives me comfort. Figuring out how to make it last forever is another task to be dealt with.

The hardest part after walking into her house after her death was walking into her house when it was empty. Suddenly it wasn't hers anymore. The memories were still there but different. The house looked the same structurely but it no longer felt like a home. The for sale sign went up. The useless real estate agent made promises to sell quickly, for the best price and all he did was waste our time. Finally after a few months we had a buyer. The shock of knowing the house would no longer be in the family was worse than I expected. But life goes on for those left behind and no one, including myself was in the position to keep the house. So a new family was buying it and we all made our peace with it. Ironically after everyone had sorted of accepted the latest phase of grief the new owners started to make unrealistic demands and finally it came down to money....as in they didn't have enough. So the house is off the market until the spring.

Timing is everything. A week before this all happened the decision was made to put my condo up for rent. Moving back in with my parents was going to allow me to pay down a major chunk of the principle. With luck in a year maybe two the condo will be sold and the next homeownership adventure will begin. Now that the house is off the market and the wait to sell has been extended until spring I will be given an opportunity to live there until new owners are found. It's borrowed time and I don't know if I will be in the position to buy it in the spring so I plan to enjoy the time I do get there.

The task of renting the townhouse has been well been a task. Trying to price it right but not price it too low is a game in and of itself. Not to mention the emotions that come into play when you suddenly realize someone else will be living in your home. A home that you bled, sweated and cried to get. A house that you carefully designed, decorated and made a home. It was the place where friends gathered, lovers lived and memories were formed. Now it will be someone elses to live in. If that someone can be found.

Walking into Bacie's house with the first batch of boxes was bittersweet. Why? Well to begin with it might only be temporary. If the condo doesn't rent or sell then there is no chance of coming up with the money to purchase the house and it will be sold and off I will go. On the other hand we as a family have a repreave. We get about 9 more months of knowing that the home my mom and aunt and uncle grew up in will ours for a bit longer. That I will have an opportunity to live there even if it is temporary. Even if it all changes in the spring.

Walking the empty house and trying to figure out where to put things has been bothering me. Part of me feels like I am disrepecting her and the life she lived there. After all, it was her house. But for the living life goes on and maybe as time goes on I can do some of the things she always talked about doing. All the while not getting attached in case I have to leave. Last weekend I made a pit stop on the way home from RI. A quick visit to her grave and a good cry and venting made me realize that for right now this is meant to be. The best thing to do is come up with a with a Plan A and a Plan B. Plan A- work my butt off, pay down bills, buy the house. Plan B- move away in the spring and start over someplace else. But for now I am just worrying about tomorrow!

Fire Survivor 'Sam' the Koala Dies in Surgery

2009-08-06T09:03:00.002-04:00

Back in February I posted a story about a little Koala who had survived the wildfires in Australia. Sadly she was put to sleep during surgery yesterday to remove cysts that were life threatening....

From the associated press:

ADELAIDE, Australia — Sam the koala, who gained worldwide fame and sympathy when she was rescued during Australia's devastating wildfires this year, died Thursday during an operation meant to save her from a life-threatening disease.

The 4-year-old koala had developed cysts associated with urogenital chlamydiosis, which affects up to 50 percent of Australia's koala population.

During surgery, the disease was found to be so advanced that it was inoperable and Sam was put to sleep, said Peita Elkhorne, spokeswoman for the lawyers that represent the shelter where the koala had lived since the February fires.

"It was so severe that there was no possible way to be able to manage her pain," Elkhorne said in a statement. "All of those who have been involved with Sam are devastated with this loss."
Even Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd commented on the animal's death, saying she had been a symbol of hope for Australia during the wildfires.

"It's tragic that Sam the koala is no longer with us," Rudd said.

As the fires burned in Victoria state, Sam was gingerly making her way on scorched paws past a fire patrol north of Melbourne when one of the firefighters spotted her. The firefighter was photographed holding a bottle of water to her lips, an image that resonated around the world.

She suffered second- and third-degree burns to her paws and had been recuperating at the Southern Ash Wildlife Shelter.

Record temperatures, high winds and forests dried by years of drought set off infernos that swept a vast area of Victoria state, killing more than 170 people.

Hitting the wall

2009-07-31T10:59:00.002-04:00

The tears won't stop. Sadness, defeat, loneliness and the overwhelming sense of failure is prompting them.

The heightened levls of anxiety, nervousness, stress and worry fill day after anxious day. Night after sleepless night.

Even the strongest of personalities, of people eventually get worn down. When the hilll you are climbing seems to keep rising. The summit becoming more and more out of reach.

Some days are easier than others. Those are the ones where you get a bill paid off. Or you lost a pound and were actually able to sneak into the gym and get in a great workout. Its the day where you meet up with friends for a nice, relaxing, fun filled night.

But then there are the days that send you over the edge. Days where the stress and anxiety compound and something as simple as stubbing your toe on the washing machine can render you hysterical on the floor of the washroom.

It's days like today when you watch the future you hoped for, planned for and used as the reason to get up everyday and tredge on, be sold to someone else. The finality of knowing the home you spent so many great times in, that you wished to keep in the family is now part of someone elses. Why? Because you just can't seem to catch a break. Everyday the god forsaken condo loses value. Again and again units are selling at a reduced price pluging you deeper into the hole of lost equity. It's walking in the front door of the very condo that is sucking up all of the money and slowly killing the optimism, pride adn sense of accomplishment. It's heading to the gm in the hope of working off the stress of a very long week, month, hell year...and seeing the ex's car there leaving you to leave and run outside. It's running in the heat and humidity and spending that run hating every decision you have made in the last 5 years. It's knowing that even though you run almost everyday, the scale is telling you that you are gaining and not losing. Futher enriching the hatred you have for the man who tossed you aside for what he thinks is better.

Trying to surive in this economy, carrying the entire weight of your house on just your shoulders wears on you. No relationship is perfet. But having someone to share the burden with, to vent to, to get a hug from would make the situation so much more bearable. Sometimes when the chips are down you realize that you can't bear to be single much longer.

So what to do? There are so many decisions to be made: rent or sell at a loss. Hell just walk away and take the foreclosure. The American dream only applies to illegal aliens and minorities. Do I find a new gym, give it up all together or just deal with the fact that my ex is there, he is a complete asshole and that I am just going to have to face him if I want to be able to work out. Friends come and go and as I travel thru this experience I realize I am losing what I had in common with some of them. Do I continue in friendships that are more draining than fun? Do I try to cultivate new ones? 36 was something I dreaded. Now that its here I realize why I did. My thirties have been nothing but a series of letdowns that just seem to continue.

It's time to break the cycle. But how?!

The end of the road

2009-07-29T15:46:00.002-04:00

When you lose someone that you truly love, letting go is a process. And the deeper that love the harder it is to let go. You don't realize all the things you lose when that person is gone.

Those close to me know the new year started with the death of my Bacie. She was a huge presence in my life and the days that have passed since have taken on a new life. One that is missing something. You never know how much of an effect a single person can have on you until they are gone. Reflecting on the time you spent together and the bond you had is an amazing way to self reflect. At some point there needs to be a blog about the bond she and I shared.

For the past several years we knew she was declining. We knew she couldn't live forever and though we tried to prepare ourselves for her passing it was still a shock when it happened.

Another shock came today. Her house sold. Thankfully to a young couple with children who will hopefully love the house and have years of wonderful memories like we did. As happy as I am that it went to someone who will love it and care for it, I can't help but sit here feeling defeated and sad. This not the plan. This is not how it was supposed to happen.

The plan was for me to sell the god forsaken financial money pit otherwise known as my condo (future blog coming on that subjet) and buy the house. Hopefully at a discount because my mom had a stake in the property. But times are tough, the condo market is deplorable and the units just keep decreasing in value. Trying to sell now is a joke and its this financial pit that kept me from freeing up the money I needed to buy the house.

So the future that was planned is now non existant. There will never be another family christmas in the house. No birthdays, celebrations or get togethers. Sad really. Since that house is what kept us together. Kept the family in contact and the traditions going. Sad because now there will be no more family events. We are already drifting and this will be the final straw that sends us all on our own separate paths.

That house is what kept me here even when I wanted to run as far away as I could. It was the hope that I would buy it, fix it up and continue the traditions that kept me here. Now there is no reason to stay. Once the money pit can be dumped it will be time to decide what direction I want my life to take. Because the road I was traveling on has suddenly come to an abrupt dead end.

Sail Boston 2009 -Tall Ships visit

2009-07-16T12:46:00.002-04:00

Where there is a fire boat there's...well a fire!

2009-07-16T12:19:00.005-04:00

Sail Boston 2009 arrived in the harbor on Wed July 8th complete with 40something tall ships. With the terrible New England weather we have been experiencing everyone was hoping that the sun would make appearance so the event would be a success. That Friday July 10th my parents invited me to join them on a harbor cruise to view the tall ships. The last time they came in I was lucky enough to view the parade of sails from a private yatch. This time we were doing the Spirit of Boston cruise around the harbor.

Before we boarded the ship we decided to take advantage of the perfect sunny day and have lunch on the roof deck of the Seaport Bar and Grill. It was a pleasant afternoon and at one point dad pointed out the Boston Fire dept fire boat. We thought nothing of it until another boat pulled up with its lights and siren going. Then we noticed fire trucks pulling into the lot along the restaurant. Ok something is up.

Yes there was. Apparently an ignorant smoker on the lower deck threw a lit cigarette off the side. Probably assuming it would land in the water. Nope. Instead it landed on the piling that was holding up the very building we were sitting on the roof of. Now we notice a lot of activity near the oposite side of the roof deck. Dad goes to investigate and finds out the pilings are on fire. Now one would think that everyone would sort of look for a way off the roof. Or even express concern that we are standing on a what right now is a small fire. As you know small fires often grow quickly into bigger ones. Yet no one seemed even remotely bothered and some of us (yes me!) even ran over to take pics. Within a 15-20 minutes the fire was out and our lunch finally arrived. My tall ships are on my facebook page! Here are some pics of the fire....

Here is the first boat arriving...we just think they are patroling the tall ship area...

The next boat arrives and we realize something is up....

Ok now with all these trucks we realize something is definitely on fire...yeah us!

Here they are spraying the fire...

View of the side of the building that was burning. We were up on the top near the umbrellas.

Farewell Farrah

2009-06-25T15:16:00.003-04:00

‘Charlie’s Angels’ star rocketed to stardom, and critical acclaim came later

COMMENTARY
By Michael Ventre
msnbc.com contributor

Just about everyone wants to be remembered long after they’re gone. There are no brochures spelling out what an afterlife is like, or for that matter, no certificates to guarantee that one is waiting. All that anyone can hope for is to leave a legacy.

Over the years, indelible impressions have been made, ranging from the beloved to the reviled. And those individuals are the special ones, at least from a purely historical standpoint. Most perish without having made any mark at all, or if so, often it is an obscure or inconsequential one.

That’s why establishing oneself as a cultural icon is no small feat. In that pantheon comprised of people who influenced other people, Farrah Fawcett’s likeness is right there at the entrance, to put smiles on faces.

The poster has received a bad rap over the years, as if there was something wrong with being adored by millions. It featured her posed provocatively in a one-piece bathing suit, her head tilted back pleasurably, the tousled golden locks spilling down her face like ribbons off a Christmas gift. Just as Betty Grable stopped a generation in its tracks with her perfect gams, so did Farrah with that one image.

It proved to be a sexy blessing and a career curse. It helped rocket her to stardom, as it coincided with her breakthrough on the television series “Charlie’s Angels.” But it cemented the impression that all she could really do was pose and look breathtaking.

In one television movie, however, the world became confused. “The Burning Bed” was based on a book by a Michigan housewife who had enough of domestic abuse and decided one day to light her husband on fire as he slept. It starred Fawcett, a curious bit of casting; today it would be like hiring Britney Spears to headline “The Queen.” The difference was that Farrah pulled it off magnificently, receiving her first Emmy nomination.

More than her famous hairNow her legacy wouldn’t be so clear. Suddenly she added up to more than the playful hair, the 1,000-watt smile and the dream figure. She was an actress, and by a lot more than the contractual definition.

She followed that 1984 effort by starring in the stage and movie versions of “Extremities.” Based on a play by William Mastrosimone, it was about a woman who gets revenge on the man who tries to rape her. Again, it took more attention away from the poster, more of the focus away from Jill Munroe.

Over the years, Farrah would alternate between airy blonde and weighty artist. It seemed that for every Playboy photo shoot, there was a collaboration with Robert Duvall (“The Apostle”) or Robert Altman (“Dr. T and the Women”).

In between the headlines involving her marriage to actor Lee Majors and then her long-standing romance with Ryan O’Neal, there were her three Emmy and five Golden Globe nominations.
Other female stars have gone back and forth between the domains of the sexy and the respected. But few have had such a career chasm to overcome. In show business, rarely does an actress begin from such a place of immense commercial popularity and go on to win over the critics.

But such journeys are never simply from point A to point B, and triumph. In recent years, Farrah Fawcett became known more for her stumbles. There was the infamous appearance on “Late Night With David Letterman” in the late ’90s, when she seemed incoherent. Some speculated she was drunk or on drugs. Others thought she had simply lost it, that a life in the fish bowl had finally caused her to shatter.

She had another such episode last year on a Comedy Central roast of William Shatner. For a new generation, Farrah Fawcett was becoming known as the subject of Internet video clips to send to friends for a good chuckle.

Leaves a complicated legacyWhen it was revealed in late 2006 that she had cancer, the jokes slowed to a trickle, then stopped altogether. Now she was an icon in danger of leaving the planet.
She represented a time of light-hearted enjoyment, a stunning beauty who along with Kate Jackson and Jaclyn Smith formed a trio of self-assured ladies who turned heads as they were solving crimes. As a television show, it couldn’t have been more frivolous. Yet there is a place for superficial entertainment. Anything that keeps audiences dazzled and eager for more is a treasure of guilty pleasures.

A case can be made that the best television is simply that which is good to look at. And Farrah Fawcett — at least during the 1970s and early ’80s — was the undisputed queen of that which is good to look at.

She died at 62, far too young. But as in the case of most celluloid heroes and their small-screen counterparts, age doesn’t matter. Farrah Fawcett fought cancer, enjoyed a period of victory, had to battle it again, and ultimately she fell short.

She’s lucky, in a way. She’ll always have the youthful radiance of that poster. She’ll always be the fantasy tacked up on a young man’s bedroom wall. She’ll always be a reminder that someone too burdened by the unfair side of fame can turn around perceptions with talent and hard work just as assuredly as they can be created with a wink and a smile.

Farrah Fawcett’s legacy is too complicated and far-reaching to be explained by one photo shoot.

Toast to female friends

2009-06-22T10:42:00.003-04:00

This is not my writing...I am copying this from today's Boston Globe simply because she says the exact thing I would say only a lot better!

By Bella English
June 22, 2009

When I graduated from college, the unemployment rate was about as high as it is now. I took the only job I was offered. The pay was a joke, and the newspaper was in a sleepy town. But I am grateful to this day for that job, because I met one of my best friends in the world there. Thirty years later, we remain close.

We’ve been together through bad boyfriends, bad jobs, good spouses, good jobs, moves, miscarriages, babies, health issues, kid issues, politics, funerals, you name it. Though we haven’t lived in the same city in years, we write, we call, we e-mail, we all but send carrier pigeons.
Girlfriends can make casseroles or margaritas when needed. They pass along maternity and baby clothes, along with bushels of advice. They’ll tell you if you’re being ridiculous, but they’ll also back you 100 percent when you need it. And they’ll tell you - nicely - that yes, those pants do make your butt look big.

You see this sisterhood in book groups, at spas, in restaurants and offices. They may be jogging in a pack or leaning their heads together over coffee. You can hear them giggling in a dressing room. In bars, they’re the ones having the most fun. In Europe, they walk arm-in-arm.

When I say I couldn’t live without my friends, I exaggerate. But not much. According to a UCLA study, friendships between women are not only good for our mental health, but they help us live longer. The science: When women are stressed, they release oxytocin, which helps us seek and maintain friendships with other women. Instead of the male “flight or fight’’ response to stress, women who have other women to rely on have a “tend and befriend’’ response.

Studies have shown that our friendships are good for our hearts, our blood pressure, even our cholesterol levels. Friendships may be the reason women live longer than men, whose testosterone reduces the effects of oxytocin.

In lay terms: You meet your friend for coffee and tell her about something really upsetting your kid has done. She listens, gives you advice, tells you about something really upsetting her kid has done. You relax. Your heartbeat and blood pressure return to normal. The two of you share a laugh.

Dr. Jacqueline Olds is a consulting psychiatrist at McLean Hospital who has written books on loneliness. Moreover, she’s seen patients for 32 years. Aside from genetics, she says, the two most important factors in longevity are exercise and a network of friends. “All of us on a regular basis lose our sense of proportion about things and fall into a valley of despair,’’ Olds says. “A good friend you can compare notes with can make all the difference in the world in pulling you up from that valley and giving you your sense of proportion back.’’

I think women get better at friendship with age. Maybe all those years together form layers warmer than any down comforter, or maybe we’re finally wise enough to realize that the hour we carve out for a friend has such a big payoff. Maybe we need friends more at a time when many of us are juggling both teenagers and elderly parents. Others of us have been freed up for friend time by the empty nest syndrome.

As she was battling cancer, one of my close friends remarked that in one sense the past year had been one of her best; she’d seen more of her friends than ever. Not long before she died this month, Sarah wrote in a website her friends had set up for her: “I probably had a better week this week than anyone! Picture having a Jan gourmet dinner and chocolate cake appear at your door . . . Imagine getting calls from two of your best friends in the world to see if you had time for tea or coffee . . . Visualize Suzanne hand-delivering ingredients and recipe for a wonderful meal Friday . . . Tomorrow: a mother/daughter party planned by Patty. It’s weeks like this that make me feel everyone should try cancer. At least for a week!’’

Her birthday came four days after she died. Instead of the party we had planned, her friends met at a pub. We set her framed photo at the head of the table, toasted her and told our favorite Sarah stories. I could just hear her saying: “OK, girlfriends. I’m still with you, and I always will be. Now, who wants dessert?’’

Vanity Cards

2009-06-18T14:46:00.002-04:00

How many of you know who Chuck Lorre is? Yup that is what I thought.

Let me jog your memory...
"Two and Half Men"
"The Big Bang Theory"
"Dharma and Greg"
"Cybill"
are a few of the situation comedies that he writes and produces

The waste of space aka my ex pointed out something to me one night as we watched tv. At the end of each episode of a Chuck Lorre show he has a Vanity Card at the very end of the captions. It's a black and white page where he posts his thoughts. It's sort of like a tv blog. I try to read them each week but its only the screen for seconds. The other night I actually caught a line or two of one them and it prompted me to look up his archives.

He is a very creative person...of course he is. He is the writer/producer of some of the funniest shows on tv! His vanity plates are whitty and creative and I find I can relate to quite a few of them.

Here is the link to his archives if you are interest in reading them....http://www.chucklorre.com/index.php

36 isn't just a number...

2009-06-18T14:22:00.002-04:00

It's official, I have entered my late 30's. Ugh. Sigh. Cry. Wince. Drink. Staying in bed for the rest of my life is not an option. If I was independantly wealthy it might be...but I am not! They say 40 is the new thirty but 36 is well...just 36. There were so many life goals that I set for myself when I was in my 20's and cruising my way thru college and most of them were to be accomplished by 35. I am now not only a year behind schedule on some of them but also no closer to achieving them than I was back then.

35 was one of those years that I wish I could forget but will never be able to. It didn't start out promising and quite frankly its ending just as pathetically. Here I am entering the second phase of my thirties and I am still alone. This never bothered me before. But a lot has changed in the past year. Honestly I had thought that by this point in my life I would have found that person who would want to be my companion. I am not looking for a husband, seriously I am 36 I think I can pretty much write that off. And kids...well over the years that have comprised my 30's I realize that I am far too selfish to want the responbility of bringing up another person. Coming home to an empty house day after day, spending weekends sitting home alone wishing there was someone to go out and do things with is seriously starting to get to me. Watching friends who have already been married and fucked it up move onto another guy really burns my butt. WTF...why are they getting the guys when they have already had a marriage. Hello...some of us single people might like to have a chance at meeting someone!!! It's funny how it was so important to me to have a house of my own with nice things in it, a nicer car and the money to travel. What I never counted on was not having someone around to enjoy doing those things with!

My ex is a constant reminder that although I think its a good idea, owning a gun is something I should never do. He just won't leave my life and insists on finding creative ways of keeping his presence in it. Why? I do not know. But waking up everyday and realizing that he has moved on and is happy with someone else has completely destroyed the little self confidence I had in myself. This is an overweight, blue collar, unemployed, uneducated, father of two, divorced, obnoxious, mentally ill loser and I wasn't even good enough for him. I am now another year older and why in gods name would I even begin to hope that there is someone out there for me. I am going to be one of those freaks who lives alone with a bunch of cats drinking myself to death! I say this because it appears that I have become invisible to the oposite sex. Hard to meet people when you have no social life!

There was so much loss this past year. Relatives, friends/friendships have passed on and will never be replaced. There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss the people who have left my lfe this past year. Most especially my Bacie. I will say this. NEVER take anyone for granted. Doesn't matter who they are, how old they are or what they are. Someday you will turn around and they will be gone. Some might die, some might move and others might have just overstayed their welcome. But once they are gone they are gone. You will never have a chance to talk to them again, laugh with them, hug them or tell them that you love them (even if it isn't reciprocated). I never realized how much my Bacie and I talked about, laughed about or how much time we really spent together until she left. At least once a week something will happen and I will think to myself "oh I will have to tell Bacie" only to realize she isn't here anymore. As you get older (as I am right now) you start to lose more and more people. Maybe its time to start enjoying those around us!

Time seems to pass faster every year. And the list of things I want to do before I die isn't getting any smaller. This might be the year that I throw caution to the wind and finally just say fuck it and start to have adventures on my own. Why keep denying the truth, I am alone and I cannot waste my life waiting for someone else to come along and do things with. Maybe its time to let go of the anger over things lost, things that didn't work out and things that I cannot change. And instead embrace the clean slate that is 36....

License to kill

2009-06-15T12:24:00.002-04:00

The Boston news headlines were filled over the weekend with news on the 4 year old little girl who was hit by an elderly driver on Saturday. Sadly she succumbed to her injuries on Sunday leaving a devasted family behind and many questioning why elderly drivers are not being retested at a certain age.

In the past month there have been 4 serious accidents in Massachusetts involving elderly drivers and now the witch hunt to revoke all their licenses has begun. But is this the best? Only? solution to this rising problem? Hey, hey...I too hate being behind an elderly driver and I do feel that after a certain age your reflexes dimish and you are no longer a safe driver. And I don't think limiting the times of the day or the streets they are allowed to drive on is the right solution. But to be fair lets really think about who should be retested.

Who's brillant idea was it to agree that 16 year olds should be driving? I find most of them to immature and irresponsible. And I thought this when I was 16. What is the big issue with upping the driving age to 18 or 20? Of course defendants of this will be the wacky parents who think their kid is perfect. Do the math. More teen drivers kill people every year than elderly do.

Now don't even get me started with the soccer moms in the SUV's with the coffee coolatta in one hand, cell phone in the other, dog on the lap and screaming kids in the back!

Mentally ill are mentally ill and should not drive. My crazy ass ex has a mental illness (BPD) and a factor of that is reckless driving. Many of our fights were about his driving! He now has a CDL license and wants a job driving box trucks. Are you freaking kidding. He got fired from his limo job last summer for reckless driving. When you have an illness that affects your driving the phsycian should be required by law to report you to the registry!!!!!!

Foreigners who cannot read english. A recent trip to the registry to get a new license pic educated me on this segment of the population. When you take your drivers license test you have a choice of english or spanish. Um...hello...um...aren't traffic signs in the United States of America in ENGLISH!!! If you can't read the damn test in english how the christ can you read a street sign? Dear god.

As for the elderly there are a lot of other issues associated with driving and age. Medical advances are allowing people to live a lot longer. No one has stopped to really figure out what new services are necessary to help our seniors live productive lives. It's easy to say hey take away their licenses they are deadly on the road. But so aren't repeat drunk drivers, drowsy drivers, inexperienced drivers and so on. Before you heard up all the elderly and banish them to a life without a car cities and towns should be evaluating what transportation should be provided so these people can go to the doctors, the market and even social events. Without their cars many of them would be homebound. And expecting a relative to drive them around is a natural thought however most relatives work. It's no different than a high school parent claiming that the 16 year old needs a car because the parents work and the kid needs to get around.

Perhaps insurance companies should be required to do more. Maybe regular testing of all drivers should be done. Who is to say that one segment is the most dangerous. Perhaps driving tests should be done in traffic and in bad weather to really test a drivers abilities. I took my test on a bright sunny day on a desserted street!

There is no easy solution to this. But before anyone rushes to judgement all the sides of this story and all the consequences should really be reviewed.

Insurance scam

2009-06-10T15:14:00.002-04:00

2008 ended with a bang. Literally. After some retarded NH driver smashed head on into me while I was out Christmas shopping.

Long story short: The jerk who turned into me totaled my car. This is all happening as I am trying to get into a new mortgage and because of my adjustable rate increase I literally could not afford a new car. God knows I probably couldn't even get a loan!

That said the battle and yes I do mean battle with Liberty Mutual my insurance provider began. Ok the ONLY reason I was using them was because of the very nice employee discount I was getting from EMC. Which 3 years after leaving there I was still getting!

December 23rd I get hit. The insurance adjuster (what a bunch of retards and yes I mean that in the most derogatory way possible, those people are. Hum my ex could do that job!) takes 9 days to go out and look at my car. And when he went it was covered in snow and he "forgot" to list a bunch of items that needed fixing (like the two airbags! um hello clearly noticeable that they went off!). Now move ahead to January 28th when I get a phone call from the car rental place. Liberty Mutual has shut off my rental because my 30 days are up.

Phone calls get made, emails exchanged and the car is extended for 9 days. Now at this point my auto body shop and the jerks at Liberty Mutual have been fighting for weeks over fixing my car. The insurance company is insisting it needs to be totalled and my guy is saying...wait a minute this car is salvageable! So why not fix it. If I hadn't fought to get it fixed I would have gotten $9k towards a new car. WTF. Other than a shit box like my ex drives what exactly did they think $9k was gonna buy me? And to get a car loan at this point when there was nothing wrong with my car prior to the accident was a moot point. With the mortgage situation it wasn't happening. So finally after a battle they agree to fix the car. I put down a credit card to cover the rest of the rental after being told to call the insurance company and deal with this myself.

Ok so I am paying almost $1k a year for insurance and I am being told to do the legwork on the claim myself. Well I do and the other agent told me to have my agent call him. So I assume I am all set.

March 4th the car is finally ready. The delay being the payment of the expenses to my guy for the parts. Can you blame him for not wanting to order $9k worth of parts without payment? After dealing with these retards for the last week I certainly don't blame him!

Ok so March 4th my receipts for the car rental and I am told I will be reimbursed. April 23rd I had to email my "helpful" agent to find out where my check was. April 28th another email since he never answered my first one. Excuse #1 at this point they have just sent the paperwork to the other agency. And they are waiting to hear back from the recovery unit and will get "right" back to me.

May 12th- um another hello where is my money email is sent. No reply

May 18th another one and still no reply

May 20th I email my agents boss. Suddenly they are working very hard on this and working on the reimbursement. And they are getting right back to me about it.

June 3rd another strongly worded email is sent! The reply is that an update will be given the next day.

June 5th I have to send ANOTHER email to them to find out where the hell my $1352.47 in out of pocket expenses are.

June 8th finally a reply! They got their payment for my repairs and the first 39 days of rental but never asked about my reimbursement.

Ok I am officially pissed!

June 8-10 a series of extremely hostile and unprofessional emails are exchanged between me and about 5 Liberty Mutual fuck ups. The claim isn't being paid because it took so long for the car to be repair. Excuse me? You are screwing me because your freaking company took forever to pay my guy? Are you freaking kidding me!!!

Ok so to say I flip out ....well yeah that is correct. Another 24 hours of threatening emails, sending the entire thread from the last 6 months to them (when dealing with anyone always use email...you cannot dispute the written word!) and a complaint to the Better Business Bureau I was finally able to negotiate getting 50% of my cost.

So I settled.

Why? Because I wasn't going to win. The fact that I got anything from them was a plus. As of Monday I will be a customer of Plymouth Rock Insurance and I saved $161 by switching. Same policy, better price, nicer people.

Since the lovely state of MA makes us insure our cars I will continue to play the insurance game. But what I have learned is that I pay $1k a year for nothing at all!!! Oh well no that isn't true. If you are a Liberty Mutual customer you are paying all that money to be lied to, talked down to, condescended and berated. I would have been better off to not have insurance and just taken the other driver to court. Which I still might do!

To all the graduates out there

2009-06-05T09:17:00.002-04:00

It's graduation time. Many of you will be graduating and many more of us will be in the audience suffering through those awe inspiring graduation speeches. As I was thinking about this I thought about a song that was popular not to long ago. The song was based on Mary Schmich's "Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young" was published in the Chicago Tribune as a column on June 1, 1997. In her introduction to the column, she described it as the commencement address she would give if she were asked to give one.

Here are the lyrics:
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you.

Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.

Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

Summer Trippin!

2009-06-04T13:20:00.003-04:00

Summer is here. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining and the weather is slowly getting warmer. We have been waiting all winter for this. Nothing gets you in mood like a day or weekend at the beach. So we headed south for the weekend. No not the south shore (please!) we are talking the one and only VA Beach. It is quickly becoming a rite of passage for us single ladies. Why not? Quick trip down (the only downside is having to connect and take a verrrry little plane half the time!) and if you plan right you can be on the beach by noon. Which we were!

Unlike New England, in VA Beach you have some pretty intense solar rays on the beach in late May early June. We are talking about getting completely sunburned while wearing SPF 50! This coming from someone who normally would be using Panama Jack sun oil with SPF 0 and paba free! 4 days in the sun and my tan is perfect and now just needs to be maintained.

Escaping from life for a weekend is the best form of therapy. How great is it to sleep in? Spend a day by the pool or on the beach reading a great book? What about having a tropical drink whenever the mood strikes? Even better a great meal followed by drinks near the fire pits at Catch 31? Lets not forget the harem of 20 something Marines/Navy guys who joined us on Saturday. Sound great? It sure was!!!!

The best part of traveling is that stress free atmosphere that follows you once you check into the hotel. The preferred hotel for this trip was the Hilton but then some economic tough times hit Janice and we swapped hotels and moved over to the Sheraton. Much more comfy for the travel budgets. Kudos to the Sheraton it exceeded expectations. The rooms were tastefully decorated and clean. The restaurants seemed nice although we didn't eat at them. And the pool was perfect. Easy access to the beach from the pool area gave us plenty of flexibility when it came to our sunbathing options. By mid day the undertow and high tide were strong enough that we scurried back to the pool for a relaxing dip.

Southerners are the most hospitable people in the world. When a southerner asks you how you are doing they really do want to hear your answer. Even by the pool people were very friendly and chatty. For that matter everyone we encountered was pleasant and fun to be around. Not saying much for us yankees! Y'all need a lesson in being nice :) Although seeing a confederate flag hanging from the back of a jacked up Ford pickup was a bit interesting!

Wine and dine we did. Of course the first stop was Angelo's. A family style italian and seafood place. It's a medium priced place with good food. Not nearly as upscale as Catch 31 but the service is good, you can dine outside and it's a quick walk from the Sheraton. Next stop Rockafella's. Cruisin down the strip in the rental car and our new outfits we weren't quite sure what to expect. (The whole point of lugging the GPS with us was to find this place and I left it in the room!) Everyone has been a victim of the whole "what it looks like on the internet is not always what you get" experience. Ok so we thought we would be dining on the deck. There was a private party upstairs that prevented us from doing so. However, the view from the floor to ceiling windows we were sitting next to was great. Bill the waiter, even better. He was quite the comedian and had us laughing for the better part of the dinner. So it didn't turn out to be an upscale place where we could show off our outfits. What is was was a local watering hole with a whole lot of personality and really good food.

Catch 31 speaks for itself if you have ever been there. The restaurant is pretty upscale and the patio bar outside is the best. The three fire pits add to the ambience and help to take the chill out of the ocean breeze. The crowd is a mix of the young and old, all seeming to blend together to create a unique scene. Civilians mix with the Military men or at least we did. What better way to spend the night than to be flirting with a bunch of twenty something Marines. No complaints here! There is nothing like the perfect frozen margarita and Catch 31 didn't disappoint. For that matter it would be nice to be there right now sipping one back. On weekend nights the pavillion across from the bar has local bands. When that party ends the DJ gets another one going til the wee hours of the morning.

Shopping. Well what is a vacation without shopping! Seriously :) The higher end stores at the Hilton mix with the local souvenir haunts that offer T shirts, towel and trinkets for a steal. It is probably safe to bet that not many of you have walked into a store and made it into a rave. While waiting to get our henna tatoos we mentioned that we love the Pitbull song that was playing. Before you knew it the staff and us were dancing around the store like it was our own private rave!

The most interesting thing about being that close to a base is the constant jet noise overhead. Throughout the day the fighter jets (I believe F 18's) fly over head on their way out for manuevers. As luck would have it a carrier came into port and we were able to watch it make its way across the ocean an into the channel. After a while you get used to the noise!

Time has a way of flying when you are on vacation. However this past weekend had a leisurely pace about it. Never once did we feel rushed and the days seemed to last forever. All except the last one. Before we knew it the car was being turned in and we were back at the airport. The best part of this vacation ending is that we can now start to plan next years! Remember even though its only early summer in NE its sunny and hot someplace else.

Good luck to all the sand soccer participants. We hit the beach early this year so we will miss the games!

You know you are a VA Beach tourist when....

2009-06-03T11:31:00.002-04:00

1. Virginia Beach is “Va Beach” unless you actually live there.
2. You go to the beach every day.
3. You want to go to the beach every day.
4. You don't know which beaches to avoid, unlike the locals.
5. Unlike the locals...you cannot say “Norfolk” while sounding neither obscene nor incorrect.
6. You don't know what a Food Lion is.
7. You didn't know that on-base purchases have no sales tax. (Further points if you can name four military installations in the area)
8. You have to be told that Newport News is not a catalog, it is a city.
9. That tt’s Hampton, not The Hamptons.
10. That it’s not a peninsula, it’s the Peninsula. With a capital P.
11. You need to be told that the Strip isn’t a nudie bar, it’s a tourist trap.
12. You haven't been to the 17th Street Surf Shop. The real one!
13. You mind the jet noise.
14. You slow down in the tunnel, because it’s a big deal. Stupid out-of-towners.
15. You don't know what Rita’s Italian Ice is.
16. You didn't know that Jimmy Buffet is a regular fixture at parties and social events.
17. A hermit crab is a legitimate pet.
18. You didn't know to drive at least 75 mph on the interstate: It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law. If you want to survive.
19. Base/shipyard traffic is one of the most dehumanizing experiences you can think of.
20. It’s Seven Five Seven, not Seven Fifty-Seven.
21. You laugh when you hear that an inch of snow closes everything down.
22. You laugh even harder when you hear that 3 inches is a blizzard.
23. You block the box.
24. You can see another 7-11 from the 7-11 you’re currently at.
25. You didn't know that Norfolk International Airport isn’t really an international airport.
26. You look up when you hear a jet.
27. You are shocked to see confederate flags hanging off trucks
28. You are the only one not saying y'all!
29. No, you’re not hallucinating. Those are mermaids.
30. You’ve attended the Neptune Festival without being pagan.

When boundaries are crossed

2009-05-21T15:46:00.007-04:00

Is it true that everyone is entitled to 3 feet of personal space? In a technical sense this would be physical space. So to the dude who insisted on pressing up against me on the T yesterday- you owe me dinner! Ah life on a crowded orange line train truly tests personal boundaries.

But what happens when the personal space being invaded isn't technically "physical"? What happens when its private time being invaded? Or it's a case of someone snooping on a social networking site. Or calling or texting for no reason at all other than to what...say hi? What happens when you cut off contact, when you don't call, text, accidently cross their path or ignore their stupid social sites and yet the same is not reciprocated? What happens when you feel you have to change your habits, your routine or even change a blog entry because someone that you don't want in your personal space insists on putting themselves in it?

The technical world that we live in has allowed to "grow" our personal space. Cell phones can not only send texts, they can send pictures and videos to. Suddenly everyone has the ability to instantly snap a pic of you and send it to their list of contacts. Sites like myspace, facebook. twitter and most of the online chat providers allow you to post a status or a pics of yourself for everyone on the web to see and keep updated on what you do. Sure if you want to remain "anonymous" you can make your stuff private but there are even ways around that.

Blogs on a myspace can have subscribers. Whether or not these subscribers have to be friends to subscribe remains to be seen. If someone is your friend and subscribes what happens when you remove them as a friend? Are they automatically taken off your blog list or are they permanently left on there to continue to snoop? Here's the thing. If you are going to read a blog and you have a comment, a viewpoint or an opinion then post the damn reply to the blog itself. Not to be funny but that is the point of a blog. Logging on to a myspace home page and seeing that a "friends" status that is possibly (ok 99% sure it was a slam against a blog of mine but one never knows) replying to a blog you wrote is annoying. Why make it your freaking status? Just post your damn opinion to the blog. Don't hide behind a status message. See the downside (or maybe its a positive I don't know) to the new home pages on myspace and facebook are that they show all the status updates of all your friends. So its inevitable that you are gonna notice what is being written.

Back to the personal space/boundary issue. If you are no longer a part of someones life because they have moved on to "someone better" do they still have a right to comment on anything you post on a social networking page? Is there any reason at all for them to even be looking? Seriously if the "relationship" didn't last and the "friendship" that we claimed we could keep forever has disintegrated...why in god's name would you remotely care what is happening in that persons life? Believe me life over here is boring and very uneventful. If someone didn't enjoy your life when they were a part of it why do they need to see what is happening in it now? When you finally say enough is enough and delete all of evidence of them from your phone, your webpages, you purge all the reminders in your house and you change your routine in an effort to avoid running into them doesn't that send a message? That message being...hey I get that you never liked me. I get that you have a new life with the person you love. Look I am doing my best to respect your privacy and personal space...so why, why can't the same be reciprocated?

Well now this means more changes are in order. The comments and banter with my friends on myspace will have to be sidelined and the blogs won't be posted on there anymore. Those of you who follow the blog have the link to the original hosting site. It will live on over there for now...until Facebook gets a blog feature going! To my friends...I guess I will see you on facebook. Too bad cuz I really enjoyed my myspace page :(

To the person who is checking out my site to what is being written...rest assured there is nothing left to say about you.

Washington DC trip

2009-05-14T12:50:00.001-04:00

When my sister was in law school down in Bristol, RI I practically lived with her. Most weekends were spent in Bristol or Newport hanging out and bonding. Then life got busy and we sort of both went off onto our own paths and other than family vacations we haven't had a girls weekend in way too long.

When she mentioned she was going to DC for a lawyers conference (yeah I choose to hang with the actual lawyers rather than the lowly paralegals!) and then mentioned possibly having me come down to meet with her it only took me a second to agree. Before we knew it my flight was booked and I was off to DC. To make the trip even more fun Alina was flying out that week and we would be able to spend Friday together.

Thursday afternoon my flight left for the long weekend and not only was the flight perfect but it arrived early. A very quick trip through the airport (always do carry on when you can!) and an even quicker cab ride to the hotel got me there in time to join my sister and the group for the dinner reception. Who could ask for more? Free dinner and a few drinks. Putting names that I heard a million times with the faces of the actual people. My sister had talked about these people so much that I felt like I already knew them! The night progressed and a group of us landed at Cafe Japone. A japenes Karaoke bar. Ok...before you comment...I did not sing. That would have been an incredibly cruel, cruel thing to do everyone in the bar. Remember Cameron Diaz in "My Best Friends Wedding?" yup that is me alright. But I was happy to sit back and watch the shenanigans of the others. My sis, me, three girls from the firm (Kate, Kelly and Candice) and two fellow lawyers from the conference (James and Greg) all converged on the bar and had a blast. We ended up meeting two kids, and I say kids since they were 23 yrs old from Lowell. Jeez the world is small! What are the odds right??? Well before we knew it it was 1:30 and we all had an early morning.

Friday morning came really, really quickly. Complete with a headache and dry mouth. Too many rum drinks will do that to you. Funny thing is none of us actually got drunk (well James did and he was worse for the wear on Friday) but we all felt less than stellar that morning. While sis was in sessions I was meeting Alina for a walking tour of Georgetown. It was a bit overcast and since I only brought flip flops and heels I prayed it wouldn't rain! After a heated discussion with Alina we agreed that I would walk up to Dupont Circle from my hotel on Penn Ave (JW Marriott. VEEERRYY nice!!!!). The conceirge kept telling me it was a "nice" walk up there. Apparently nice had nothing to do with the scenery and everything to do with the 4 mile distance. Christ by the time I met up with her I was ready for a nap! Once we meet up Alina announces that we have to meet the tour at Penn Ave and 28th. Ok we are Constitution and P street. Now we have to walk all the way back to where I came from to get the tour. Note to the two of us...plan better the next time. By the time we met the tour I had walked all over DC. The tour itself was marvelous. Having intensly studied design it really was fun to walk through the streets and observe all the architectural styles the town offered. It tapped the creative side me that was desperate to get out. (Maybe time to take some refresher courses!)

After catching the city bus back to the White House (um yeah flip flops are only comfy for so long) we met my sis back at the hotel and headed over to the Natural History Museum. The museum is the setting for the next installment of A night at the museum and really its one of those places you have to see. The exhibits are amazing and after spending the afternoon we headed out to explore some more attractions. Let me state that we were there during: cops week (thousands of cops in DC this week), Graduation weekend, and school trip week. So the lines at places like the National Archives were longer than time permitted. We spent a few hours just walking around and seeing some of the sights (see my pics on my facebook page!). By the time we got back to the hotel we all agreed that room service was about all we were up for. Early to bed as another day of sight seeing was in store for the next day.

Saturday morning we were up at the crack of dawn and out of the hotel by 8. It was overcast and drizzly. But that worked out. We were able to cover the mall and Arlington National Cemetary before it got too hot. This needs to be mentioned. If you are heading to DC anytime soon, make sure you check out the new WWII monument. Incredibly well done. And our trip to the Vietnam Wall was unreal. We learned that 5 more soldiers remains had just been found and identified and the names had just been added to the wall. There were flowers and pics and letters all placed along the bottom. I stood there shedding tears for men who died years before I was born. It's a truly amazing place. As the day progressed we did the Old Towne Trolley tour. This is a shuttle service that goes to all the major attractions and lets you on and off where ever you want. It's a great way to cover a lot of ground. We saw Union Station, The Capital, The Library of Congress, Shakespeare's Library, Botanical Gardens, Supreme Court, Dept of Education, White House, Lincoln Monument and tons of other stuff (again pics are on facebook!). The timing worked out so that we were able to hit the Museum of American History and see the first ladies exhibit (Michelle's dress is not there yet!) That night we had dinner in Dupont Circle and then went and met some of the others for drinks at the hotel bar.

The next morning we were up and out and at the airport by 8:00. The TSA agent checking my license kept insisting that I had been there several times that week. I was like um..yeah so this is my first time at this airport. She claims it was me or an exact twin. Dear god...is the world prepared for two of me. The only downside to the flight home was the fact that it was a very small plane. Like a leer jet of sorts. But it was a quiet and uneventful flight that once again got in early.

If you haven't been to DC or its been a while I highly recommend going. Not only is the place immersed in history but there are so many amazing things to do. Wear comfy shoes because there is a ton of walking and definitely do the trolley tour. With luck I will be able to get back there soon to do what I missed this time!

In hot car, ‘just a minute’ can be deadly for dogs

2009-05-13T15:46:00.001-04:00

As summer approaches I felt the need to share this with everyone....

Even at just 72 degrees, a car parked in direct sunlight can reach 116.
If you've ever left your dog in the car for "just five minutes" on a summer day, the officers of the Washington Humane Society want you to hear some cautionary tales.

"They all say the same thing: I never thought that this would happen," says Mitchell Battle, deputy director of humane law enforcement at the Washington Humane Society. "I was only going to be gone for two minutes."

But just running inside for a quick errand can be deadly to your pet — even if the weather isn't all that hot.

In one fatal incident Battle responded to, the temperature was only in the 70s. A woman stopped at home, parked in the shade and came out after what she said was 15 minutes. By the time officers got there, the shade had moved, turning the car into what officer Eve Russell calls "a solar powered Easy-Bake oven."

Everyone's opened a car door and been amazed by how much hotter it is than outside — but you may not realize exactly how hot a car can get. Check out the numbers at the Web site mydogiscool.com, a program of United Animal Nations. When it's 72 degrees, a car in direct sun can reach an internal temperature of 116. Even in the shade, a car can be 10 to 20 degrees hotter than outdoors, and cracking the window has almost no effect.

Veterinarian Cate Rinaldo, a volunteer with United Animal Nations, points out that dogs don't have sweat glands all over their bodies like humans do, so the main way they can cool off is by panting, which isn't very efficient.

Once a dog's body temperature gets over about 106 — normal temperature is around 101 — the result is "everything from nerve damage, heart problems, liver damage, systemic organ failure, and it happens fast, within a matter of minutes," she says.

Summer is also vacation season, and the Washington officers are often called to cases where people travelling with their dogs tried to use the car to extend their stay by a few hours.
"They check out of their hotel at noon and they still want to go to the zoo or a museum, and they leave Fluffy in the car," says officer Ann Russell.

Remember that one more museum isn't worth the risk to your pet's life — and that cars are not the only place where dogs can get overheated. Rinaldo says that before she was a vet and knew of the dangers, one of her dogs collapsed from heat exhaustion after playing off-leash on a 75 degree day.

That dog survived, but not all are so lucky. One 90 degree day in the San Bernadino mountains, Andy Hoodward of Orange, Calif., was flagged down by a couple carrying their dog in a backpack.
"The woman explained that they had set out hiking in the morning but a couple of miles in, the dog had become lethargic, unresponsive and would neither walk nor drink," says Hoodward.
The couple were also in bad shape, and Hoodward drove them to a ranger's station, but it was too late for the dog, which died on the trip.

The Daily Rant

2009-05-07T13:28:00.002-04:00

I thought I posted this...but then realized it posted to the wrong blog. Here 's a repost

Being the news and information junkie that I am, I took a few minutes during my lunch to browse the headlines. And one them made me stop in mid bite and gasp!

In today's Boston Herald the following headline just jumped out at me: Free cars for poor fuel road rage whaaattt???? Of course I had to read the article and it fueled my rage. There is nothing I hate more than lazy people. Especially lazy people who chose not to work and live off the system. This included the welfare and unemployment system. When I was unemployed I searched for a job. When I couldn't find one I was back in school full time getting yet another degree in an effort to be able to expand my job search. The knowledge I gained in that program (and I have an associates, bachelors and am almost done my masters) has proven itself in my new job. That experience also helped me make contacts that I still network with today. So I have absolutely no use for people who sit at home all day watching tv and playing in on the Internet. Get up, make some calls, find a way to support yourself. I lowered myself to folding shirts at Old Navy when I was laid off. When a job was offered to me I took it even though it was half of what I was previously making. Laziness is the undercurrent of American society.

So imagine the horror when I read the following: Gov. Deval Patrick's free wheels for welfare recipients program is revving up despite the stalled economy, as the keys to donated cars loaded with state-funded insurance, repairs and even AAA membership are handed out to get them to work. But the program - fueled by a funding boost despite the state’s fiscal crash - allows those who end up back on welfare to keep the cars anyway. The state pays for the car’s insurance, inspection, excise tax, title, registration, repairs and a AAA membership for one year at a total cost of roughly $6,000 per car.

Ok stop right there. On my way to the train everyday I drive through the projects in Lowell's Acre section. The cars over there are nicer and newer than mine. The people who live there are all living off welfare. The windows are open in the middle of winter and look inside these shit holes and all you see are huge flat panel tv's.

Every day I head off to work to a job that I love, that I put a lot of effort into and appreciate everyday. Everyday my commute averages 4 hours a day. And I took a pay cut when I took this job. But it is a much better fit and challenges me everyday. And every month I use my paycheck from my JOB to pay my bills.

When I totalled my car in December I spent three months fighting to get it fixed so I wouldn't incur payments and increased associated expenses. Why?? Because my budget didn't allow me to get a new car. Because I have to live within my means. Because Deval didn't offer me a "free ride". What I did get was a car that looks perfect now but has no safety systems anymore. I'm a goner if I have another accident. The insurance premium has gone up because some jack ass, redneck from the lovely state of NH (put up a fence and keep them all up there and off my streets) pulled into me. My excise tax bill came when the car was still sitting in a junk yard waiting for the ok to be fixed. I mailed the payment and it was received a day late. The lovely town of Dracut sent me a demand notice for $20 late payment fee. Fuck them. Come take the damn car and good luck finding it since it doesn't live in Lowell. Where was Deval then? Oh probably buying some gangbanger new titanium rims for his tricked out escalade so he can drive around Dorchester shooting people up.

Saturday I went for my inspection sticker. I only had to do safety this time. So I paid $29 for my mechanic to step on the brakes (of a parked car), turn on the lights and honk the horn. Um Deval, should I submit and expense report? My AAA expired because I didn't have the $75 to renew it and as we speak I am driving a car with no front brakes. No kidding. I have to allow ample room to brake when needed as the pads are worn and we have some metal on metal action going on. Hello Deval...can you get me new brakes.

Everyday my sister goes to work and works with honest and truly disabled people to get them their SSI benefits. These people range from children to elderly people whose lives are completely dictated by their disabilities. More often than not she has to fight tooth and nail to ensure the benefits are paid so these people can afford to live and pay their medical bills. But as she often states....there is always the drug addict or drunk who works the system to their advantage and gets the same benefits. In my world I have no place in my heart for lazy people with a sense of entitlement who claim they need help. Sorry the buck stops here.

Here is some advice for Deval that should with the fiscal crisis:
Eliminate welfare.

Better yet when you catch an illegal alien working under the table don't deport him or arrest him. Give him a social security #, tax him and put him into the subsidized housing. Take the lazy criminal living off welfare and deport him. If someone is working and contributing to the economy in a positive way then keep him and send away the dead beat.

Criminals are criminals. Period. There is no such thing as a good boy who made a bad decision when he decided to commit a rape, murder or god knows what else. Instead of overcrowding the jails and prisons with petty thief's, shoplifters, gang bangers and other thugs enlist them. You want to carry a gun so badly and be a hero? Great. Here is your GI uniform and your gun. Now get on this planeand go to a place called Iraq. Ok see that road right there? Go out there with your gun and walk up and down it til you find the anti personal landmines that were buried there. When it blows you up you will be sent home a hero and a real soldier will be spared his life.
In the event that you successfully get on welfare you should be sterilized. I have no children? Why because 1) I am unwed and was smart enough to realize I have no intention of being a single mother. 2) I cannot afford a baby because I am supporting the baby mommas and their bastard children throughout the state of MA. If you can't afford to take care of yourself and you need the state to support you then you have no right to bring a child into this world.

Prisoners sit in their cells all day and watch tv. Oh wait that isn't true. They go to the mess hall and get three meals a day (yeah my budget was short this week so no groceries for me). They get regular doctors visits (I dont' go cuz it would mean taking a day off from WORK!!!) . They have access to legal libraries, gyms and tvs. They cost money and waste space. How about this instead. They work. Um yeah...never killed anyone. With all the state cutbacks we could have them manning the tolls, or shoveling the sidewalks or cleaning the parks. If they act up or try to escape- shoot them. They are criminals!!!

I could go on and on about so many other segments of society like high school drop outs, homeless drunks and a plethora of other things. But chances are I have already offended most of the readers of this blog. Either way the point remains the same. The recently laid off workers and those of us waiting to be laid off are sick and tired of getting the shit end of the stick. Perhaps a little more should be done to keep jobs in the state and keep people working. Hell a tax break would help even more. And Deval...if you are going to do for one segment of your population you better be prepared to do for all . Or suffer the backlash.

Camaraderie of dog owners

2009-05-05T08:55:00.002-04:00

Any dog owner knows that there is a certain bond amongst all dog owners. Especially those of us who have no children. In a sense the dog becomes sort of like our child. We care for them and spoil them like new parents do to their human children.

Lately I have been trying to get Tyson (the wonder pug) to the park as often as I can during the week to get him some much needed exercise. The problem with having a pug is that they have a variety of respiratory ailments that sort of render them in need of climate control. So the spring is really their best friend since the weather and humidity seem to favor them. Come July and August he is in the house with AC pumping in an effort to control his breathing. So we try like hell to enjoy as many days outside as we can.

Late Sunday I realize that he is fully of energy and really needed to get outside for some fun. It was close to 7pm so I thought ok lets hit the park (his favorite place). At this time of the night on a Sunday there shouldn't be a lot of people there. And even better there will probably be no kids. Lately we have been trying to maneuver our way around the park at the same time that all the little league games are going. The problem is that most people don't realize that a dog is a living breathing creature and not a toy. And he is there to exercise and not be manhandled by a bunch of ADHD kids whose parents can't control them. So we figure its a safe bet to hit the park.

Bingo. We get there and the place is fairly deserted....the only people there are other dog owners. So off we go on our walk. We had just finished doing our first lap and were about a 1/4 way thru the second when another dog owner approaches. Of course we stop to chat and that is when the guy notices that Tyson's nose is bleeding. Now this silly dog loves to put his nose where it doesn't belong. Like in shrubs, near bees and prickly bushes. So I am not surprised he has nicked himself. I bend down and quickly wipe his nose with my hand and prepare to finish up the walk. Only when I look down the damn nose is not only still bleeding, its really bleeding. Sort of like a humans after taking a blow the nose. So here I am at the back of the park with no Kleenex or anything to try to stop the bleeding.

Panic no more. Within a few minutes several of the other dog owners have now surrounded me and Tyson and he is getting more attention and medical care than he probably needed! After some first aid we were able to get the bleeding to stop and he seemed fine. Of course this now led "war stories" from the other owners and my quick 1/2 hour trip to the park was now approaching an hour.

I couldn't help but chuckle on my way home. If that was child the same attention would have been given by the other mothers. If I was at the park surrounded by non dog owners, I am willing to bet not one of them would have come by to help. Yet every dog owner in the park that day somehow appeared when we needed then. Sometimes when you are out by yourself and feeling a bit alone its good to know that there are some groups who still readily accept you. And that is a good feeling. Even if it is just a bunch of other dog owners :)

Why are people so surprised?

2009-04-22T13:09:00.003-04:00

The Boston news headlines are filled with stories about the Craigslist Killer.

For those of you not from Boston or who are but live under a rock, there was a recent murder of a craiglist prostitute at the Copley Marriott last week. This murder was connected to several other incidents involving prostitutes (who advertised on Craigslist) who were held at gunpoint and robbed. The news heard round Boston is one of shock...the suspect is a 23 yr old Med Student from BU.

The headlines range from describing the suspect as:

Having a perfect life.
He had the hallmarks of a solid middle class existence
Small town boy who went to Med School
Engaged to be married in a fairy tale wedding this summer
No criminal record
He was a nice boy who wouldn't hurt a fly

Are people really shocked by this? Do people really think this guy isn't capable of this because he was young and a med student from a middle class family? Every newspaper and tv station is covering the story. They mention over and over again the fact that he was a med student who registered at Pottery Barn. Come on people. He is human and like so many of us he has some skeletons (in this case possibly literally) in his closet. He had secrets, he had a dark side and he was good at hiding it. The recent claims are that he had some serious gambling debt and took panties from the victims as tokens. Opinions seem to be split as to whether or not the fiance knew about his victims. Why because she loved him and lived with him?

Well let me tell you that I loved someone and lived with them and it wasn't until months after we broke up that I was exposed to the real him. And it shocked the shit out of me. Talk about a dark side and some pretty interesting side hobbies. Knowing what I know now and reading about the Craigslist killer have made me realize one thing. You never really know someone. It doesn't matter how long you have known them, where you met them, whether you live with them or not hell it doesn't even matter if you are intimate with them. If they don't want you to know what is going in their heads they are not going to tell you and they are certainly going to make sure you never find out.

Criminal behavior doesn't discriminate. The complexity of the crimes might vary based on age, religion, sex, income and social status. Any one is capable of committing a crime. Everyone. We all have our breaking points and we all to some extent have a conscience. But if the right set of circumstances lined up everyone is capable of snapping.

I am not defending this nut and if he did it he should serve his time (since this freaking state has no death penalty). But why do the newscasters need to add in the "nice boy from the right family angle". It doesn't change the fact that he is a killer.

On that note...calling a prostitute a masseuse who is an aspiring model is not going to change the fact that she is a hooker who sells her body for sex and money. I personally believe that prostitution should be legal for so many reasons. And that is another whole blog waiting to be written. But until that happens these masseuses or whatever these girls call themselves are at risk every time they put up an add on craiglist or where ever else they put them. Without the proper regulation women who find themselves in the situation to trade sex for money are vulnerable to possible violence.

Yes I can get on my soap box and preach away. And for the short time that this nut is in the papers the news will do special feature stories on the life of a prostitute yet nothing will change. Tomorrow a new crime will take its place and this story will be forgotten. That said it shouldn't matter whether he was a med student or not ...he took a woman's life and he needs to be punished just like any other criminal.

It's hard to say goodbye

2009-04-17T08:56:00.003-04:00

In some ways life is a routine. For the most part anyway. You get up Monday thru Friday and head to work come home and do it all over again week after week. Weekends vary but in some sense they still become routine. You pick up your cell and call your friend and they answer. Or you send an email and eventually you get a response. You walk in someones house and you see them sitting there. So what happens when the routine changes and suddenly a part of life is missing?

Last night was the first time I have been to my Bacie's house since she died. Actually the last time I was there was before the holidays and I stopped in to have dinner with her. That last time was a good night and she was happy just to be in her house with her family. Walking into the house felt the same. Here shoes and gloves were where she left them. Everything looked, smelled and felt the same. Until I walked into the kitchen and the other rooms and she never appeared. I have never been to her house when she wasn't there and it was a very strange feeling.

As I walked from room to room all these memories came flooding back. Glimpses of my grandfather, my relatives (some are still here and some are gone). Holidays, birthdays, dinners or just casual visits all came to mind. There was the familiar scent of her perfume, the knick knacks that have been there my whole life. The small kitchen where she taught me how to bake cookies and the kitchen table that we would sit around and spend hours just chatting. Outside the big rock still stands. My sister and I would spend hours out there playing. I have memories of sitting out there with my grandfather when we were little kids before he got sick. So many memories contained within these walls. And the saddest part is that I couldn't pull of a miracle and buy the house. Soon some other family will be living within these walls and it will harder to retain the memories.

We began to sort out her clothes and figure out what to donate and what to toss. We went closet by closet and bureau by bureau. We sort and folded all of her clothes, went thru her shoes and eventually everything was in bags. The entire time I just kept thinking, my god this is so weird. It's such a violation to be going thru her things and dispensing with them. It was like we were invading her privacy. We were purging her in some sense of the word.

It sounds weird but with each item that I put in a bag I couldn't help but think what exactly is it that makes us ...well us. Is it our personalities, our opinions, our hearts and souls. Or is it the things we acquire in life like houses, cars, and possessions. Is it our family and friends who define us. Or perhaps simply a combination of everything. Someday every one of us will pass on and those left behind will do what we did last night. Dispense with everything that was so "important" to us in life.

At first I thought that the tears would be flowing but this weird sense of calm settled over me when I was at the house. Once I got in my car they came in waves. Ironically as I was driving the song "Stairway to Heaven" came on the radio. It struck me how fitting it was at that moment. Once I got home and snuggled into bed I started to think. Really think about what is important and what isn't. And at the end of the day its not the posses ions you have but the people you surround yourself with.

Without friends and family there is no one to carry on your memories. No one to remember you, talk about you and miss you. They are what I think make us who we are. What good is having a life where you pass thru friendship circles without ever cementing your place. What good are fair weather friends. Building and nurturing life long friendships is what we should be doing because those are the people who will keep us going even when we are gone. When we buried Bacie last week her best friend Wannie was there. They were friends for over 60 years. Can you imagine a friendship lasting that long?

I am proud to say that I have people in my life who have been there for over 30 years. And there are some news ones too. This group I surround myself with isn't perfect. We have our good and bad times, we have our fights and our differences. But at the end of the day we have each other. These are the people who have been there for me in my happiest times and my worst times. They are the ones who will gather around me this weekend and let me talk about my Bacie and they will probably join me in a toast in her honor and let her live on thru us!

If at first you don't succeed, keep making phone calls!

2009-04-15T14:32:00.002-04:00

Tax day. To many it is a day of angst. A day of stress and worry because Mr. Tax man is demanding more of your hard earned money. For me its the exact opposite. It's the day the music died. The "hold" music that is.

You are probably wondering what the hell I am talking about. Well in life there are certain things you can count on. Death, taxes and being put on hold or transferred around when talking to customer service reps. And today was my lucky day because I happened upon that one bank rep who actually had a heart and was willing to help me.

The saga began three years ago. Time to re-fi out of my 2 yr interest only loan and into another one. A "friend" recommended a "friend" who was supposed to be the best mortgage guy in the world. Well a fucking used car salesman who had had a frontal lobotomy would have been a better mortgage rep. See said rep did tell me I was in a 3 yr interest only loan that would switch to principle and interest after the three years. Great, no problem. At the time the market was booming and the new loan helped get rid of some bills and allow some fun room to do some upgrades to the house. It was the small print that he didn't explain.

Flash forward to January of 2008. The market is starting to come down and the prices are falling. So by chance I happen to review the terms of my loan. What is this? An asterik next to the loan terms. This can't be good. And it wasn't. See the loan was interest only for 3 years but the rate was only fixed for 2. So in July of 2008 it would adjust. and continue to do so every 6 months for the rest of the loan....the next 30 years.

Long and stressful story shortened. My life for the past 14 months has been all about my mortgage. Can't buy that cuz I need the money for the mortgage. Sell stocks, deplete savings and borrow against the 401k because the mortgage spiked at the last adjustment. Get a car that was totaled fixed and put back on the road because I can't have any new loans right now. Try and try and try again and again to re-fi. What a joke. First the loan is an 80/20 and when it was sold by good old New Century it was sold to two different banks. Ok so we re-fi into one loan with a fixed rate and woo-hoo we are done. Until the appraisal came back. In the course of 1 year my townhouse lost $47,000 in equity and I now owe more than what the house is worth.

For the past 14 months my life and spending has been dictated by this silly mortgage dilema. Yes there were many, many nights that were spent crying myself to sleep. But for every down day there were 2 or 3 persistent days. At least 4-5 days a month for the past 14 have been spent researching loans. Talking to real estate agents and banks. Try and try again and you will eventually either succeed or give up. I finally succeeded.

I am proud to say I voted for Obama because being a single, thirty something, white middle class woman I needed hope. The 8 years that the republicans were office, me the single, white, female suffered. Now I am not saying Obama is the greatest president ever but I am saying that today he saved my house. How? Because of his housing bailout I was able to modify my adjustable rate mortgage.

Now, now. Before you republican readers flip out and get on your soap box (you know the whole, you shouldn't have bought a house you couldn't afford why should I bail you out box) I didn't profit from this in anyway. For that matter the new mortgage is going to cost me $200 more a month. All they did was freeze my rate permanently and add on the principle payment. The mortgage rate is still about twice as high as the market is dictating right now and my payments are hovering at just under $2k a month. But with some careful budgetting and planning I can do this. American Express might get screwed on a few payments but oh well. The important thing is that I am not going to be a foreclosure statistic.

My persistence was like a part time job. My life became all about getting a new mortgage. My friends probably grew sick of hearing me complain and rant and rave and cry. Now they can cheer with me and enjoy many more fun filled moments in my house. The house I fought to buy and fought even harder to keep. Yes it was a battle. It took persistence, careful note taking and a who lot of energy. But today I reached the finish line. And with my head held high I will go home tonigth knowing that I beat the odds and saved my house.

Thank you Mr. President for helping make this possible!!! ( Now can we discuss better healthcare for women?)

30 Days In The Life Of

2009-03-31T15:49:00.030-04:00

Wednesday April 1st: And so a new month begins. Spring is in the air, the flowers are blooming and the birds are chirping. Loudly. At 5 am every morning. Outside my window. Do you think they can mix it up and try a new tune every so often? Seriously. Winter can take a bow and exit stage left. It was a rough one for so many reasons and believe me I am never looking back on this one with a smile. But sunnier days are ahead (or at least that is what the forecast predicts!). Day 1 is just a typical Wednesday and the conficker virus has not rendered my PC useless and so the work day is underway!

Thursday April 2nd: April showers bring...sniffles. The never ending cold has flaired up again and the overcast skies make me wish I was home in my bed. But what good is a day in bed when you are all alone? So much more fun to be there with someone. And the love life is well...nonexistent. Condo ownership 101....if 4 condo board members can't agree on a simple screen door what hope do we have that 34 owners will like what we eventually pick. Methinks leaving the keys on the counter and just leaving dodge might just become a reality soon.

Friday April 3rd: Crash and burn! That is how this Jets fan feels. They passed on another seasoned QB and are sticking with the rookie. Time to jump off this sinking ship. A milestone has been reached. After sweating it out at the gym last night sudden inspiration struck and off to the park I went. It was only one lap around the larger of the two loops. But I did run it completely and the foot and ankle seemed to hold up. This is definitely progress. Now if mother nature would just co-operate!

Saturday April 4th: What is life without friends? Especially life long ones! Fortunately I have lots of them and sometimes just spending a day running errands, catching a movie and a bite to eat with one of them is the best way to spend the day. The difference between friends and significant other? Friends are mostly likely going to be there for the long haul. Can't always say that about the others.

Sunday April 5th: Living art. The closet artist that lives inside of me is always looking for creative ways to express myself. Whether its through a blog, designing a room or some other form of self expression, the need to create is always there. So the first step in the potential new venture has been taken. The prototype is being created and with luck I will have more details soon!

Monday April 6th: Mixed emotions. It's opening day for the Red Sox and the 2009 Baseball season. As a devoted member of Red Sox Nation its impossible not to be excited. However on the flip side of that coin we bury my Bacie today. The cemetery is the hardest part of the goodbye process. Perhaps because it is so very final. Saying goodbye is never easy no matter what the situation. But the finality of death makes me realize that we are never guaranteed a tomorrow.

Tuesday April 7th: One step forward....two steps back. Annual condo meeting was met with some progress (fire lane striping!) and some letdowns (screen doors still not decided on). Feeling a bit down today. Yesterday's cemetery ceremony left me feeling sad and incredibly lonely. 2008 and 2009 have presented so much loss that I can't help but wonder...is this finally the end? Or is there more loss and sadness to come?

Wednesday April 8th: Just another day. Honestly that is the only way to describe it. Nothing special, exciting or out of the ordinary happened today so maybe, just maybe that is a good thing!

Thursday April 9th: Finally the April showers have cleared and the sun is shining brilliantly! It's amazing how much this can effect ones mood. Waking up cranky over life's annoyances and then facing a trip to the dentist the day didn't look to promising. But then the sun came out, the invisaligns only have 6 more weeks and the day is cruising along at warp speed. Hopefully the "spring is in the air" feeling can last til it gets dark.

Friday April 10th: The most stable relationship in my life right now is the one I have with my Ob/Gyn. Back again for my every three month visit. Yet another pap. Now the nail biting begins. Good pap = yearly visits. Bad pap = back to biopsies and visits to Dana Farber. So lets keep our fingers crossed on this one! Cuz someone is gonna hear about it if it comes back bad.

Saturday April 11th: The rain is pounding down again and the grim day matches the grim mood that has come over me in the past day. Some days the loneliness just gets to you. And you can't help but think back to what you perceived were happy times. The shock is when you realize that maybe there never were any happy times. Maybe you just thought there were. Life goes on and eventually the loneliness will pass. Spring is about rebirth and renewal. Maybe a heart can heal and eventually open itself up to the hope that there is still a possibility that someone out there is waiting to meet me.

Sunday April 12th: Put on your Easter bonnet... and your fake smile and act like you are actually looking forward to yet another holiday where you are the single one. Thankfully our family has scaled down the holidays and its just immediate family so the single shame isn't as pronounced. The day was great but the loneliness still lingered. Note to self....plan a trip next year! I missed having my single comrade with me at this one. Bacie you may not have been here physically but you were in spirit. The first visit to the cemetery since the burial literally caused my knees to buckle. The grave hadn't been landscaped yet and when I arrived it was literally just a pile of dirt placed on her final resting place. The tears came in waves and even though its been months the emotion of grief is still raw. Time heals all wounds and eventually the visits will get calmer.

Monday April 13th: Some friendships are a matter of give and take. Others just take and take and take. Until you put down your foot and say enough. And for the first time ever that happened today. And it didn't even kill me. And said friend will find a way to get their stuff done without me and this will in turn sever another tie that binds. This might even be the last of them. One can only hope because once the ties are gone the friendship can learn to stand on its own legs. Friendships shouldn't be dependent on the ties that bind. They should be based on mutual interests and commonality and they should nurture themselves. Ok enough philosophy for one day!

Tuesday April 14th: Sometimes its good to look over your shoulder once in a while. That unsettled feeling that has swept in could be for a reason. Today will be a day to try to tie up lose ends and get organized! Life can be so productive when you are just left alone to get stuff done. It's inspiring me to get started on some spring cleaning in every area of my life.

Wednesday April 15th: Taxes day and for me it was the end of my mortgage marathon. Finally thanks to the affordable mortgage modification plan a new mortgage has been achieved. The terms are not the greatest and the payment went up (yes I am the only person I know who "re-fi's" and gets a higher payment) but the loan is no longer an adjustable rate. The monkey is off my back finally!!! What a great feeling.

Thursday April 16th: Grumpy. Not getting enough sleep is one thing. But to have a perfectly great sleep int erupted by the construction at the Hannafords behind my house is unforgivable. If this was a one time thing then there would be no complaints. But this is the third night this week alone. Today the bitchy neighbor hat might come out and result in a nasty phone call to the store manager!

Friday April 17th: Finally a nice day. The sun is shining and the temps are slowly creeping up. Maybe the spring that has been alluding us is making its appearance. It's a great day to crank up the toons and open the sunroof!

Saturday April 18th: The best laid plans never seem to work out. Nothing is more annoying than having one member of a group do everything for everyone else in the group and then not have it reciprocated. And even worse when one member of the group becomes the poison that causes the group to be infected. Said person is out as far as I am concerned. Perhaps its time to take a break and do individual activities now!!

Sunday April 19th: Shaking things up a bit and meeting up with an old friend. After the drama of the "girls" night out it was nice to spend some quiet time catching up and hanging out with an old friend. Kerry has been in Thailand and although we saw her at her welcome home party this was the first time it was just her and I hanging out. Even before she left we always hung out in a group. It was a truly great day and I realize how diverse my friends are and for that I am grateful. It was nice to have an adult day out!

Monday April 20th: With the marathon, Red Sox, Celtics and Bruins all playing today it was a perfect day to take a vacation day. A productive vacation day. After complaining and complaining about needing more shrubs on the boundary line and getting no where, Jen and I took matters into our own hands today! Planted new shrubs, added some color back there and did it economically!!! What a difference it made :)

Tuesday April 21st: Back to the grind today. Rainy and gloomy which doesn't help with motivation at all. Hoping to have a "quiet" day...lol know what I mean? But that didn't seem to happen at all. More and more every day I realize that the world is just not big enough

Wednesday April 22nd: There is nothing that pisses me off more than a person who wrongs you and turns it around on you. Everyone has a limit as to how much it takes and personally I have reached that limit. Gemini's are forgiving and we take a lot of shit but when we decide enough is enough we mean it. Now there is no going back and the person who this is meant for should understand that they chose to act they way did and when they need a friend they can pass this one by.

Thursday April 23rd: Happy 4th Bday to my niece!! God to be young again and know what I know now. Wow that would rock. Speaking of rocking...my world sort of got rocked a bit last night. On a whim I got a new haircut. For the past few years (more like several years!) I have had a flat ironed, long, parted in the middle cut. Boring. Yes. Comfortable. Yes. But last night I mixed it up and got layers and bangs. So far I am not sure what to think but the response has been positive!

Friday April 24th: TGIF! And Boston is awash in sunlight and warmer temps. Spring is in the air and the city was alive as I ran to grab my lunch. It's a great to be out and about in the city and be a part of the scenery. This weekend will present the chance to be outside as temps are going to be in the 70s! Jen's 40th B-day is today and with luck we will be able to secure some outdoor seating at the Lowell Beer works for a little dinner, drinking and celebrating. Now if I can only figure out how to style this silly haircut!

Saturday April 25th: The sky is clear and the weather is perfect. Actually its a bit hot for an April day in New England. No complaints as we headed into the North End for a girls night out to celebrate Jen's b-day. There is nothing more relaxing and fun than spending a nice night out having a few drinks, dinner and conversation with your friends. Even better is having something to celebrate. We can't avoid getting older so if we must do it we need to do it in style with our peeps by our side. The most pleasant part of the evening was the drama free, competition free, argument free atmosphere it presented!

Sunday April 26th: Some people need to learn their place. So what makes someone think that its ok to wreck someone else's day just because they feel like it. Well the bitch of a neighbor behind us decided to verbally assault me as I was cleaning her yard debris from my yard. It was being placed along the back boundary of our yard and apparently we are rude because now she has to look it. Well we have to look at her trash barrels, her kids toys, her kids fort (which is built in our flower bed) and her ugly mug. A nice neighbor would have moved the pile and shut her up. I waited til it was dark and dumped several more loads of branches back there just to show her how much I care about her view. It's time to move someplace down south!

Monday April 27th: Surprises come in many forms. The news that my Bacie's house is being put on the market today and being promoted as a quick sale didn't bode well with me. However a truly kind and overwhelming gesture by my aunt sort of took the blow out of that news. She gave me my Bacie's wedding portrait that has hung in her living room forever. Now I have a part of her in my home and though it's not what I ultimately wanted its a wonderful compromise.

Tuesday April 28th: Summer is here. At least for today. It's a beautiful summer day that should be better spent outside. Today my Bacie's house went up for sale and I can't afford to buy it. It's incredibly sad and more upsetting than I thought it would be. Time to get the credit cards paid off and start planning to move to someplace more affordable and warm. Life goes on and sometimes you have to just change direction!

Wednesday April 29th: Hump day and already its been a crazy week. And looking at the next several weeks its gonna just keep getting busier! But isn't busy good? Doesn't it just keep you moving forward instead of being stuck in a rut? My rut is clearing itself up and presenting some much needed peace and quiet. Funny how you just sort of get used to something not being around anymore. It has its moments of sadness but on the flip side it also has its joy in knowing that the past is finally where it belongs... in the past. Where it should have been a year ago.

Thurday April 30th: Well the thirty days are up. Can't say it was a super exciting month but it was productive. Got some stuff off my to do list. Cleaned out what needed to be cleaned out of my life. Moving forward to the merry month of May. As it looks now it should be a good one. Summer is right around the corner, vacation is coming and life goes on whether we like it or not. Hope you enjoyed the monthly recap of my life in April. More adventures to come so hopefully I will be posting again soon!

Trying something new...

2009-03-31T13:13:00.002-04:00

Freedom of speech! An urban legend when your blog is posted on myspace for the world to see. Suddenly everyone from friends to complete strangers feel they can have an opinion on your blog content.

Ok a note to those people. My blog (as in mine and mine only) is the story of my (there is that word again!) life. The events, places and people in it. So if you are a person in my life and you have done me wrong, expect to be written about. And if you don't like...well too bad. You should have played nicer in the sandbox. Now run along and find a new one to hang out in.

Due to criticism of my content lately, the blog has lost its personality. The postings have become generic and lack life. So the challenge has been how to fix the blog, add the personality back to it and still manage to not offend anyone. (P.S. if you don't like my blog or my opinions stop reading it!) Finally after a lot of boring posts and brainstorming ideas something hit me. Vanity Fair runs a monthly column, 30 days in the life of culture. This was insprining in the sense that April begins tomorrow and its a 30 day month. So why not do an off line blog on the 30 days in the life of me and post it next month.

If an interesting story or topic presents itself I will take the opportunity to sound off about it in separate posts. In any event, tomorrow begins the 30 days in the life of me!

A final goodbye

2009-03-27T15:10:00.003-04:00

Everyday we all get up and go to about our everyday lives. We have breakfast, we head to work and at the end of the day most of us can feel secure that we will arrive home safe and sound.

Well this week 4 brave men who were simply doing their job didn't come home. And four families are left without a husband, dad, son, brother and countless people are left without a friend.

They are a brotherhood. They willingly do a job that can result at any moment in their death. And yet they do it without a hestitation. They do it to protect our rights, our families our lives. Yet their actions are constantly scruitinized. The judgements they have to make within seconds get debated over and over again in the news and media. A decision they have to make in 30 seconds gets reviewed and dismattled in a court of law for the sole purpose of putting a criminal back on the street. These men and these women are police officers.

I am the very proud daughter of a recently retired police officer. My dad did his job with pride and fairness everyday and when he left for work he didn't know if he would come home. Yes there were proud moments when he saved a persons life but there also the days where he faced violence in the form of a domestic or a drug addict. I have been surrounded by police officers my entire life. The men my dad worked with were like surrogate dads and uncles. They are family. And if you lose one, everyone feels the loss.

This week Oakland lost 4 of their bravest to gunfire. Gunfire from an illegal handgun in the hands of a parolee who was in violation of his probation. An man who took 4 lives and who had nothing to show for himself. I don't want to hear the excuses that he had a messed up childhood, a broken home and issues. I don't want to hear the race issue, I don't want to hear he was a high school dropout or a drug addict. He was a criminal who never should have been out on our streets to begin with.

This is America the home of the free criminals. Its a place where children can't be left outside to play because the level 3 sex offender who lives next door can potentially harm them. It's the country where the criminals know and manipulate the law better the lawyers and the judges do. It's the place where the color of your skin, your drug use and your financial status can all be used as excuses for taking 4 lives. We do not have a country wide death penatly that would excute any 1st degree murders or sex offenders. These people can get off on a technicality yet Bernie Madoff will do 150 years for stealing from the obscenly rich.

Perhaps when more people become victims of crimes they will think when they vote people into office or on the ballot questions. And maybe someday parents will realize that allowing your kid to idiolize the gun totting Plaxico Burress is only festering the criminal mindset. Since when is it ok to celebritize gun weilding rap stars and sports players. When did the breakdown in family values and lack of respect for human life happen? This is a civilized nation yet look at our murder rates. The problem with this country is that a prison sentence is not something to fear. It's a 2-20 year guarentee that you get healthcare, a roof over your head, 3 meals a day and 23 hours of tv. The people paying for this are you and I. Oh and through our tax dollars we are also supporting the fat, uneducated wives, baby mommas and future criminal offspring of these people. Our country through our social services and discrimination laws have festered a sub segment of society that has no morales. My guess is that at least a 1/4 of the prison population are here illegally. Why don't we round up them and their families and deport them? What part of they are not a citizen our laws, public defenders and constitution do not apply.

I feel that the problem right now in society is that people are not afraid to get in trouble. Prison is a cake walk for these people. My suggestion...go back to cruel and unusual punishment. Public hangings, draw and quartering. And what ever other sick and twisted punishments we can come up. To hell with waterboarding the detainees in Guantanmo, I'd rather see it done to everyone sitting on death row today! I have no use for people in this country who abuse the system and do nothing to contribute to society.

Feel free to offer up your rebuttle. But unless you wear a bullet proof vest to work and risk your life to protect my freedom, your opinion doesn't mean shit to me.

Before you pass judgement on my blog take a look at these pictures. This is what a true brotherhood looks like. An the only gang insignia these men are wearing is the US Flag.

South Seas Smoker

2009-03-19T15:40:00.008-04:00

I had to share these amazing pics from the volcanic eruption near Tonga. These are pics of nature at it most amazing...

March 18: An a undersea volcano erupts off the coast of Tonga, tossing clouds of smoke, steam and ash thousands of feet (meters) into the sky above the South Pacific ocean. The eruption was at sea about 6 miles (10 kilometers) from the southwest coast off the main island of Tongatapu, an area where up to 36 undersea volcanoes are clustered.

March 18: Spectators watch as an undersea volcano erupts off the coast of Tonga, tossing clouds of smoke, steam and ash thousands of feet (meters) into the sky above the South Pacific ocean.

March 17: An undersea volcano erupts off the coast of Tonga, tossing clouds of smoke, steam and ash thousands of feet (meters) into the sky above the South Pacific ocean.

March 17: An undersea volcano erupts off the coast of Tonga, tossing clouds of smoke, steam and ash thousands of feet (meters) into the sky above the South Pacific ocean

March 18: An undersea volcano erupts off the coast of Tonga, tossing clouds of smoke, steam and ash thousands of feet (meters) into the sky above the South Pacific ocean

It can all end in an instant

2009-03-19T09:29:00.002-04:00

Blink. It took what a second if even? Imagine that in that amount of time your entire life can change.

The "to do" list. It's a list I created on New Years on the plane back from Puerto Rico. Learn to ski was like 4 out of the top 10. In my quest to find a solo hobby I thought this was the perfect solution. Once I got my tax return I was gonna take a personal day and hit Nashoba for a lesson. The only thing that concerned me was getting hurt. I have a ruptured eardrum and partial deafness in my left ear. This is constantly affecting my balance and coordination. So the thought of getting seriously injured has been in the back of mind.

February that tax return arrives and I tried to work up the nerve to go. Then my co-worker tells me that her daughter (a fitness instructor mind you!) fell while skiing and broke her collar bone. It required surgery to reset the bones and they had to attach a metal plate to it. Hum....maybe this isn't such a good idea. But what the heck, people fall everyday and are fine.

Then two weeks later the same woman came into work and said her son-in-law who is an instructor at Nashoba fell and broke his collar bone only his did not require surgery. Ok maybe this skiing thing is not all its cracked up to be. Especially for a person who has been diagnosed by a doctor as having insufficent motor reflexes and reationary skills.

Anyone who read the papers or heard the news today is aware of the tragic and shocking death of the actress Natasha Richardson. A beautiful, talent and seemingly full of life woman of 45 who died after a ski accident.

"Richardson suffered a head injury Monday while taking a beginners ski course in Canada and died Wednesday in a New York hospital." A beginners course! With an instructor! I have never, ever thought it was possible to get that seriously injured on a beginners course. The condition she suffered from is known as the "talk and die" syndrome. “What this implies is that someone hits their head and they are seemingly OK initially, but then they get a rapid collection of blood — usually called epidural hemorrhage — and that means bleeding between the skull and the brain.”

How many times have any of us hit our head and had no serious injuries. Just last Sunday I was at my moms house and as I was walking into the kitchen I tripped and hit my head on the corner of the kitchen cabinet. I actually saw stars and couldn't focus for about a minute. When I had my car accident the air bags deployed. When they did they struck me under the chin which forced and almost "whip lash" type of movement to my head. I have about a minute of time when the accident happened that I cannot remember.

So today a husband is without his wife and two young boys have no mom. And those of us who follow celebrity gossip are sitting thinking my god how awful. But the fact remains that death can happen to any of us. At any time. You can get up in the morning and not return home that night.

Life is not guarenteed. Some people like my Bacie live to be 92 and die of natural causes in their sleep after a long and plentiful life. Others, like this actress die in a freak accident within a day. Whenever something like this happens it makes me sad, not because I personally knew her but because I have loved ones. And at anytime you can lose them.

So as you go through life, take stock in what is important. It's our family, friends and people that we love and care for. Never assume that those people know how you feel about them. If you love your friends, tell them. If you cherish them, then spend time with them. Don't ever assume they will be there tomorrow. This woman was on a simple ski vacation and now her family is burying her. Don't life your life in such a way that you will someday have regrets. As the news today shows us....you never know when its your time.

Spring into a fresh start

2009-03-18T10:26:00.002-04:00

Hold on. Wait for it. Ah, we can practically taste it. Spring: a time for striving. Birds endeavor to attract mates by fluffing their plumage, bees bumble about pollinating flowers, and older divorcees throw cash at uninterested, pretty young things. There is something about the onset of spring that truly invigorates me. For no reason other than the fresh start everything in nature gets. The trees get new leaves, the flowers grow and bloom and babies are everywhere.

You bundled, layered, wrapped, and cocooned until you resembled the Michelin Man. Now its time to shed the winter coats, dispense with the hat, scarves and mittens. The air is fresh. The weather is warm. And you’re feeling like a spring chicken. New Years always used to be my "fresh start". An opportunity to get rid of the old, learn from the mistakes and take a new approach to a new year. Well this year couldn't have started off and it has systematically gone downhill since.

So with the first day of spring only a few days away it's time to think about having a fresh start. Maybe spring is more appropriate because it is a season of growing and renewing. And I more than anyone feel like I need, no want, to grow and renew. What better way to do this than to do a little spring cleaning. And no, this has nothing to do with my house! This spring I find myself very single. Well last year I was but the bastard just never clued me into the fact that he had checked out long before he actually did the breaking up. In an effort to avoid the I -am-single-bored-nothing-to-do situation that can often occur when the warm weekends creep up on you I am taking stock of the new things I want experience this season.

To put a little "spring" in my step I have embarked on a self imposed fitness challenge. And lately I have been struggling with a capital S. But the warm weather and new spring fashion trends are soon to be making an appearance and this season I plan to be thin and hip! The perfect motivating factor is the new wardrobe I am slowly but surely building up. Gone are the cheap Old Navy outfits that lose their form and color palette in one wash. Instead I am opting to spend the extra money and go a bit higher class in an effort to achieve a more polished, feminine and slightly sexy look. Losing the weight and toning my problem areas (and there are many!) has provided me with a bit of a weekend hobby I can do alone. See I no longer run into a store and grab the first XXL or XL that I see. Now I have to spend the time trying things on because those sizes are a thing of the past.

There is no better time than spring to take a step ahead. Instead of doing the same old thing this spring and summer I have decided to put my best flip flop forward and try new things. Why go to the local pub on a Saturday night when the North End is full of fabulous place to see and be seen. Grab a bite and hit a roof deck for drinks. What a great way to show off the new wardrobe.
Everyone has been to the Cape. The old been there and done that had us thinking it was time for a new beach and new scene. So we are jetting off to VA Beach to hit up the surf, sun and Catch 31. Truly fabulous bar right on the boardwalk! Those of us living near Boston must do as all Bostonians do: catch a game at Fenway! Of course Boston has lots to offer. Newbury Street, Fanuiel Hall, the outer Islands. And there is always Newport and Porthsmouth if we want to head to quaint beach towns. I may not have a love of my life by my side this spring or summer but I have my friends. And my friends know who they are. And they know that together we will make this the best summer that we can!

The Altima and I (A love hate relationship)

2009-03-11T13:35:00.004-04:00

I love my car, I really, really do. It's just that right now I am mad at it and want to drive it off a cliff. But the problem with that idea is that A) I don't know where there is a cliff and B) I need to have a car!

Suddenly the car that has never let me down and never caused any stress has become a replica of that car in the Steve King movie Christine. One event forever changed the car I once I knew and its in place is a shadow of its former self.

The day before Xmas eve started out simple enough. Head out to get an outfit to wear for the holidays. As I was leaving one mall and heading toward the other mall a complete and total jackass pulled right into me. Now the ground was wet as we had just had a snowstorm and everything was melting. And this ass was stopped with his directional on LOOKING RIGHT AT ME when he decided, what the fuck I think I will wreck someones car today. He waited until the last possible minute and pulled right into me. Like I didn't even have time to hit the brakes. I saw a flash of movement then heard that awful sound of two cars crunching. You know that sound...the one that goes cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching!

So after a few minutes I get my bearings and that was when I knew this was a bad accident. The air bags had deployed so I knew I wasn't driving this sled home. The poor car was totaled but honestly right now with my huge mortgage and my bills I knew I couldn't buy a brand spanking new car. And to go out and buy a used car, well I was buying someone elses problem. Now I had to do a tango with the insurance company.

In NH they don't give you a copy of the report or other persons insurance info at the scene. So off to Enterprise rental I go. The rental gets set up against my insurance plan and off I go. Well the jackass adjuster takes 2 weeks to even get out and see my car. Then he goes the day after it snows on New Years weekend when my auto body guy isn't even there. So when he does his report and settlement amount he doesn't have the cost of the airbags or the dashboard included. This turns into a week long fight. Then they want to total the car. Ok I have to admit I lost it when I heard this. WTF I can't buy a new car. I have an over priced house to pay for. Just fix the damn thing. So after another week of fighting they agree to fix mine. Ok yeah I could have gotten enough to put half down on a new car. But then I have a car payment, sales tax, insurance and excise tax increases. Now way can I swing this so fix the old one baby!

So the next drama with the whole process happens at the end of January. The insurance company has terminated my rental. Now the car rental place is calling me at work to tell me that they have no credit card on file for me and I am now driving a stolen car. At this point I was like whatever, do what you have to do I am at work. I cannot do a thing about this right now. Can I tell you that Enterprise is a pain in the ass. After that got straightened out I had to go there 2 more times before I finally had enough and gave them back the car. They are worse than telemarketers.

Last Friday I get the good news. The car is ready I can pick it up after 69 days. I was thrilled. It looked amazing. You cannot even tell its been in an accident. Here I am foolishly thinking life is back to normal. Until Saturday when Janice and I were out shopping. Here we are driving along and a kid passes us and yells to me to get an oil change. We were like huh? Yeah then we get to her daughters house and notice my car is smoking. So off we go to bring Janice home so I can get the car home. By the time I get back to Dracut I can just about get it to my parents. Now there is smoke everywhere and the car is bucking. Definitely a sign there is something wrong with the transmission.

So Monday back to the shop it goes and they realize it was a hose and fix it. Great. Now my baby is back again. Tuesday as I leave for the train I notice a puddle under the car. Jesus! So I make it to the train and back it in in case it dies. Lol best decision I made all day. So after work I get to the car and before I start it I check the fluids. Everything looks fine. Until I try to start it. It won't start. It's just clicking. A guy parked next to me offers to jump start me. Great. Until I realize my jumper cables are not in my car (we won't go there!). So thankfully the garage has a power pak they used to get me going.

So as of today the car is fixed again. It needed a new battery. I got 6 years out of a 4 year battery. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings...fire maybe!

Here are pics from the accident:

Here are pics of her now....

Today's Rant!

2009-03-05T10:06:00.002-05:00

Some days you just wake up in a mood. There is no explanation at all for days like this. Maybe its a great I can conquer the world mood or maybe it's a screw the world mood. Today I am in a screw the world mood.

My car is still not ready. Ok what part of "It will be ready Friday" is translating into "You will get it tomorrow". You know that crazy saying...tomorrow never gets here because when it does its today? Well I am starting to believe it. If the car is not in my possession by the time I got to bed tonight I am going to flip out. Completely and totally flip out. To the point where I might hunt down someone I hate and beat them about the head just because. Christ. It has been 69 days since my accident and still no car. Do you have any idea how truly annoying it is to drive a car that doesn't belong to you? The thing that is most annoying is figuring out the car itself. Where are the lights? The window switches? How the hell does the heat work. Never mind trying to adjust the seat and mirrors. That alone is the most annoying. That is probably why I loathe having other people drive my car. I hate having to readjust my seat and mirrors. For the past 2 days I have been driving my moms Mercedes. Yup talk about stress. The freaking car is worth more than I make in a year! So what are the odds something will happen to it?

The theory that patience is a virtue...well I have proven time and time again that I don't possess that virtue. I have no patience at all. For anything anymore. Waiting is my biggest patience tester. Whether its a red light (always, always get red lights and now I get impatient and blow through them when I can), or a slow moving person walking in front of me, or a line. Oh god...lines and waiting in them drive me out of my mind. I have noticed I am a foot tapper. The longer I wait the more the foot taps.

So having discussed my lack of patience can someone please try to explain to me the following. (We won't bring up the car!) If you park in a parking garage everyday and you have a pass that allows you access to that garage wouldn't you keep the pass at an arms reach? I do. I put mine in my center console where I can quickly grab it, swipe it and be on my way without holding up the 10 cars behind. So can someone please explain to my why the fuck the lady in front of me today had to dig through her purse to find the pass that she uses everyday. This was easily a 2-3 minute process. Then once inside the garage said nit whit had to back her stupid Volkswagen into the spot. This resulted in backing in and out oh easily 5-6 times before she had the car exactly where she needed it. Jesus Christ lady the train doesn't wait. This is the bullshit they need to teach you in drivers ed. Forget about parallel parking. Instead put people in real life driving situations and see how they do. Then flunk them.

The next situation that defies explanation is the weird people on the train. To begin with the train is a 50 minute ride. Most people sleep. Yet there are some who insist on the following: bringing a breakfast buffet with them that they spread out on the seats. The there are the ones who have to take off their coats, fold them, put them in the overhead racks and then get settled in their seat all while you are waiting to get around them so you can get to your seat. Me, I find a a seat and sit. Period. That is all there should be to it. The strangest lady got on the train comes to my seat and stands there staring at me while I read the paper. She apparently wants me to move my purse so she can sit. Clearly there are a ton of other seats yet she is insisting on sitting with me. So I move my bag get myself situated all over again only to have her get up and move. I am like WTF. So I put my bag down get the paper back out and begin to read again. 5 minutes later she is back. I look up and stare at her. She is insisting on sitting with me. So again I move my stuff and put away the paper. This psycho wiggles and fidgets the entire way.

Finally we arrive in Boston and honestly I am ready to kill someone. I am tired and still sick and I am just not in the mood for anything. The eternal wait for the oh so no efficient green lines leads me to the orange line. Keep in mind that I am 5 feet tall. So when we reach Haymarket and the local gang banger gets on I get pissy when he turns around and bashes me off the head with his backpack. So me miss can't mince words tells him to watch his shit. This results in a two station long stare off. Finally this lovely representative of America's future gets off at Downtown Crossing. Most likely has a busy day of shop lifting and crowd harassing in front of him.

Are manners completely dead in this country? Is it really going to kill anyone if they actually hold a door for someone else? I mean men in Boston would rather slam it in your face than actually hold it for a second so you can pass thru without getting hit. And what about saying you are sorry? I mean its bad enough to get almost knocked to the ground by a 400lb black lady but to then have her cuss me out because her fat ass occupied my side of the sidewalk....well I am all set with that. Miss Thing hit me and quite frankly an "I'm sorry" would have gone a long way. More and more everyday people show me that the respect and manner that our parents and grandparents had for one another is dying. America, the melting pot, has become a place where rudeness, insensitivity and ignorance is breeding faster than the illegal immigrants I work everyday to support are. It's amazing how quickly the decline in values is happening. And to think today is only Thursday. Another day of this tomorrrow!

It's all about the presentation

2009-03-04T13:24:00.002-05:00

Most of you know that I do a horrible commute into Boston everyday. 2 hours one way gives one plenty of time to people watch. Having college degrees and a background in fashion I feel comfortable critiquing what other people chose to go out in. There are a few women on the train and the T that I know of through other people and the outfits they wear to work amaze me. After all these women are paralegals. They work in high end law firms and they go to work looking completely ridiculous!

Now I am not a size 4 and wearing high end designer clothes everyday. But my boss does and hopefully soon will I! So I not going to be mean in this blog, hopefully just educational. Ok ladies read and learn....

The first thing I have noticed on these women is the over accessorizing. Ladies please...stop doing this. To begin with you need to know that the body is comprised of three accesorizing areas. Think of your body in three different sections: from head to neck, neck to waist, and waist to feet. When someone looks at you, these are the main portions that they see. Accessorizing each of these sections properly is extremely important when going for the wow factor.

Think about all of the accessories that could go in one section. From head to neck, there could be a hat, headband, earrings, sunglasses and necklace. From neck to waist: a necklace, bangles, belt and handbag. From waist to feet: a belt, anklet and shoes. Imagine you have all of these items on, and that they are big and bold. One of the biggest mistakes women make when accessorizing is wearing too many bold and large items in one section. Everyday this week there has been a woman who comes on the train wearing the following...Huge Jackie O sunglasses, big Hoop earrings and this big clip in her hair (we will get to hair later). Then she had on an armful of bangle bracelets, a bunch of big gawdy rings on her hands, a watch, big bulky necklace and a belt. We will stop there because I feel a nervous breakdown coming on!!!

Choose one significant piece that you would like to wear in each section. For example: a thick, bright headband; a large satchel purse; and yellow wedges with a straw heel. If you just got a fabulous print bag you want to show off then minimize all the other accessories and the outfit in an effort to maximize the bag. This is not brain surgery ladies its fashion.

Make all of the other accessories in each section count, but downplay them. Instead of bold earrings, try simple hoops or studs. Leave out the bulky belt. Stick to one or two thin bangles. Wear only a thin anklet with your wedges. Each of these pieces accents the bolder pieces without competing with them. Everyone should have a signature piece of jewelry that can be worn with anything. If you have a choice between buying a whole bunch of large, bold, over the top fashion jewelry pieces or being able to purchase one very elegant and functional expensive piece then go for the expensive.

Now ladies...lets address the outfits. I could go on and on about the women I see every day who match everything from their shoes, to the coat to the cell phone but the blog would never end.

Here are some simple things to remember:
Sizes Mean Nothing - Like shoes, numbers differ from manufacturer to manufacturer. If you don’t fit into something, either go up or down - no one knows what’s on the tag, but you. Stop jamming yourself into clothes that are too tight. You do not look good or sexy. You look like someone who needs to get clothes that fit.

Clothes Can Be Tailored - You find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, but the length is too long. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t buy the pants - just take them to the tailor! Tailored clothes are customized to your fit, so you’ll look good in clothes that are properly altered.

Choose Flattering Styles - Determine your body type and what looks best on it, and stick to those kinds of clothes and fabric.

Accentuate The Positive - If you have an impressive asset, such as fabulous legs, wear clothes that draw attention to them instead of something negative, like a bulging midsection.

Examine Every Angle - Look in a three-way mirror. Bend over. Sit Down. Twirl. Lift your arms. Check out an outfit from every angle possible to see if it flatters. You don’t want a shirt that will bare your entire midsection when you go to put something on a shelf, or pants that show your butt crack every time you bend down. At the end of every season do a closet purge.

And finally, hair styles and makeup. Hairstyles are a lot like an outfit. They have to fit you. Your hair should be in synch with your age, the calendar year (all you Farah Fawcetts out there - get a new do!) and the trends. The color and style should flatter you not overwhelm you. Take the less is more approach. Talk to your stylish often they know what will and won't work with your hair type. Put a little trust in the person styling your hair. Makeup doesn't need to be plastered on to be pretty. Some of the prettiest women I see in the city have such a natural look about them that its hard to tell if they are wearing any makeup. Use colors that compliment your natural tones (purple doesn't look good on anyone under the age of 60) and play up your best features. If you love your eyes then put the attention there and tone down what you do to your lips and cheeks. Again if you aren't sure what to do then hit up your local department store and get a make over. They are there to help you best use the products you buy.

Ladies ...invest in yourself. If you don't who will!!!

Common interest

2009-03-01T09:24:00.001-05:00

Life is sometimes ironic. The most ironic situations often occur between things that shouldn’t have anything in common.

Confessions of a Shopaholic is not only a successful series of chick lit books but now also a blockbuster movie. As is the case with most chit lit novels there is a heroine, a lesson to be learned and a series of ironic and comical events that lead to a triumphant ending.

Having recently finished the books it only made sense that my sister and I would take in the movie. It was at the end of the movie that the main character narrates about the likeness between her love life and her credit situation. The words echoed in my ears on the ride home because I realized that my own life reflected the views of the character.

It is with some humor and a whole lot of irony that I write this blog. It is no secret to those who know me that I am very single at the moment and very much stressing about my debt. As a self confessed shopaholic (the high I get off of shopping is unreal!) I often find myself playing a vicious game of Russian Roulette every time I hit the mall.

Here’s how the shopping game goes:
1) Hit the mall
2) Scope out the newest trends and items being promoted
3) Find the perfect outfit or accessory
4) Approach the possible purchase.
5) Get to know it…. Does it fit? Is the style really what I want? What about the color? The designer and most of all can I afford it?
6) If said purchase meets the criteria its time to hopefully close the deal. The most stressful part of the sale is the moments between the swiping of the credit card and the sound of the approved sales slip printing.
7) The outcome….in outcome A. the purchase is approved and before you know it you are heading home with an armful of bags and the anticipation of premiering your purchases to the world. In outcome B. your card is declined. Then the next card is decline and no you can’t write a check because then the mortgage will bounce. So you sheepishly apologize and exit the store with your head hanging low, your pride wrecked and the horror of knowing you have to try again next weekend filling your gut.

In dating it’s the same game:
1) Hit the local social scene. For each person its different.
2) Scope out the scene and see what it has to offer.
3) Find and approachable guy.
4) Approach the guy.
5) Attempt to make eye contact. If successful hope that the eye contact leads to small talk. Hope the small talk is creative enough to catch the attention of the guy and that it leads to a conversation.
6) Close the deal. Thank him for the drink. Laugh at his jokes. Make mention that you are single. Let him know you had fun and hope to bump into him again.
7) The outcome… in outcome A. he liked you and asks for your number. Tells you he wants to see you again. You exchange numbers, say your goodbyes and head home and have dreams of what your first date will be like. Maybe just maybe he is the one. Outcome B. he tells you to have a good night and makes his way over to the hot blond standing next to you. You leave the scene with your head hanging you’re your pride wrecked and the horror of knowing you have to try again next weekend filling your gut.

In some respects my love life is mimicking my credit life. There are many ways to shop be it visa, mastercard, online dating or the social scenes right in your local area. As you head out for an evening of shopping you think you have your bets covered, the best interest at hand and the confidence of protection in your bag. (protection my friends not only comes in the form of a condom, but credit card protection in the event of job loss, theft or fraud! No self respecting gal leaves home without them). None of us head out shopping ever thinking that today is the day that we might find the most irresistible sale. That perfect item we have been searching and searching for only to find out as we try to close the deal that our credit limit has been reached, our “purchase” has been declined and we need to head home to find creative ways to extend our credit and negotiate our interest rate. It's the same situation when dating. We meet what we think is a great guy and we hope our credit limit and interest rate measure up to the 6 foot tall blond supermodel standing at the end of the bar. All too often I have discovered that the supermodels have what I don't. The black Amex- the card that never gets declined.

For once, just once I want a situation where my card has no limit, my purchase will be approved and whatever interest I might pay for the happiness I get will be worth every penny. Because honestly, happiness has no set price because it’s simply priceless! This applies for shopping and dating!!!!

My fitness challenge

2009-02-27T10:16:00.002-05:00

Throughout my life I have struggled with my weight. I can easily, very easily put weight on but I struggle to take it off. When my sister announced her engagement I went into panick mode. At that point in my life 2002-2003 I was at my heaviest and feeling awful about myself. I refused to buy "women's" size clothes so the largest pair of jeans I had at that time was a misses size 18. And for a long time I couldn't even get those on. So my life because a fashion statement of elastic waist pants and oversize shirts. Then in 2002 my sister gave me a copy of the points plan by weight watchers and by her wedding I had take off about 30 pounds. I could now fit back into my jeans albeit they were tight.

Since then I have been slowly, and I mean slowly taking off more weight. There are periods where I will take off a few pounds and then put them back on. But I have never regained any of the weight I lost on weight watchers. Most recently, this past July to be exact I promised my doctor I would lose 10 pounds by my next visit which was in October. Without really trying to diet but by upping my exercise I was down 8 lbs by October. It wasn't the full 10 but 8 pounds in 3 months is a lot of weight for me. From October to the New Year I hit a plateau. This happends to me all the time. I lose some weight then hit a wall. So one of my New Years resolution was to learn to eat better and try to get in shape. So from January to February 14th I had lost about 4 1/2 pounds. Then a friend told me about a site...www.http://www.myfitnesspal.com. This has changed everything.

After signing up and entering my goals the site helped me figure out what my daily calories and exercise activities should be. It's helping me understand the calories in different foods and what a portion size should be compared to what I usually eat. The first week I lost 3lbs. This week I feel like I am struggling even though I haven't gone above my 1200 calories a day. We will know on Sunday when I weigh in.

A huge part of the success of this fitness challenge is that my friends are doing it also. So we have all become fitness friends and are helping to keep each other motivated. The support your workout buddies give you is so helpful. For me it guilts me into sticking with it. This is the first challenge I have put myself through that also involves monitoring my eating. So this is much more challenging for me because I am such a bad eater. I really don't like meat which affects the amount of protein I am getting and I tend to lean towards carbs and fried foods. And I hate trying new foods. So a major obstacle for me is to try new foods and introduce more protein into my daily routine. And I opted to be more careful in my weekly expectations. My goal is to lose 1 1/2 pounds a week. To do more than that is setting myself up for failure. I know my body, it gains weight as quickly as it can but its stubborn about losing it!

This weekend I am hoping to get some pics of myself so I can "watch" my progress. Hopefully I keep losing on a regular basis. As I hit a milestone I will post a blog entry about it.

Here is the link again in case you want to check out the site yourself!

http://www.myfitnesspal.com

Making a clean break

2009-02-26T08:56:00.002-05:00

I have myself becoming a regular reader of the Scene and the City column in Thursday's Lowell Sun. Every so often the Lowellita hits on something I think we can all relate to. And my blogs have been sort of generic because some readers felt they were redundant and went on and on about the topic and person over and over again. So I have chosen to self censor for a while until there are new topics or adventures to write about.

So here is another Lowellita column. At some point in our lives we have all been about to relate to this!

You got the message loud and clear. It can come in many different ways. Directly in a quick and dirty discussion face to face. Passive aggressively through a Facebook status update. Via Youtube. Through a text message. Or by the infamous Post-It note.

Whatever the case, the outcome is the same -- you just got dumped whaddya gonna do now?
You're definitely not going to Disney World. I am sure you have had enough of Goofy, though it would be nice to find that Prince Charming.

It's amusing, by the time you reach your late-20s you would think getting dumped or performing the dumping should get easier. Wine gets better with age, so does cheese, Scotch and sex -- at least my 30-something friend says it does. As the same wise woman puts it, "I'd rather get waxed by a beauty school drop out in a kitchen than have to tell someone to their face it's over."

O.K. Tell us how you really feel about initiating the split?

My favorites are the ones that claim they are just on a "break" prolonging the inevitable -- which may I add is called a "break" up. Come on, it's like pulling a Band-Aid off inch by inch. Having someone tear it in one swoop while you least expect it only stings for a few seconds. I was always a fan of this method. It's like when you were a kid and got hit in the ear with a snowball unexpectedly. You wince in pain for a minute before jumping on the perpetrator and white washing them in the face. All is resolved and you walk away feeling vindicated.

Same goes for the blind-sided break up. Once the sting wears off, you realize it is them and not you, like they said in the first place. Maybe if you listened to them more things would have worked out ... nah. Only now this is not a childhood snowball fight. A night out with his best bud will suffice. You'll never feel that good wearing yesterday's makeup on the walk of shame ever again.

The Common Dog

2009-02-24T10:01:00.004-05:00

For once the commute was without incident. No traffic getting to the train station. The monthly passes for March were finally in and I am all set for next month. The 7:18 actually left at 7:18 and by the grace of god someone sat with me before chatty Ellen could. So the ride was quiet. The green line was running without delays and I was going to not only be on time for work, I was actually going to be early.

The worst part of the commute is the walk from the green line to my building. On a day like today its awful because the wind whips around and you freeze. I was dreading this as I climbed the stairs of the green line up onto Berkeley Street.

As I approached the street level I noticed this small white bus coming toward me and it stopped right where I was standing. Out of curoisty I look over thinking its a shuttle bus for one of the local companies. What I saw made me burst out laughing.

There in front of me was a shuttle bus for the Common Dog a Back Bay dog sitting service. I am not sure what I thought was funnier....the fact that there are people out (myself included) who will pay good money for doggie day care. Or that there was a shuttle service to pick them up and take them. The bus was funny enough. But as it passed I noticed it was full of passengers. A few Labs, St. Bernard and a bunch of other dogs were all piled into this silly bus. All sitting quietly in their seats and looking out the window. They were better behaved than the kids I see on the buses in my own neighborhood. It's just another one of those sites that you can only see in the city that make the commute so very unique!

Condo life

2009-02-19T18:32:00.006-05:00

If I knew then what I know now my house purchasing decision would have been drastically different. Most of 2003 and 2004 were spent trying to find a house. More than anything on earth I wanted a home of my own. Unfortunately I had a few things working against me. First, housing prices were on the rise and even starter homes were grossly overpriced. Second, I had no down payment. Third, most of the homes I could afford needed tens of thousands of dollars in work before they would be livable.

So I did something I never thought I would do, I began looking at condos and townhouses. At first it seemed like everything was falling into place. There was a complex on the Lowell/Dracut line that was under construction. The contractors were not only schoolmates of mine but one of them is related through distant family tree branches. After searching I found a wonderful mortgage broker who took me under her wing and worked a miracle to get me into my first loan. Once I was pre-approved I was thrilled to find out that the unit I wanted was in fact available and I was able to pick out the finishing items myself. Woo-hoo well on my way to being a home owner. This was August of 2004 and when I signed the purchase and sale the house was framed and sided and only had studs inside. It was completely brand new!

Then the bumps in the road started to occur. The closing date went from Sept 28th to Oct 15th. Then to Oct 31st and again changed to Nov 15th, 19th and finally we closed on Nov 23rd. Moving in day was finally here on Thanksgiving day. Something to truly be thankful for. My original neighbors were the best. The couple who moved in next door to me on the same day turned out to be truly wonderful people who began even better friends. The first few years were ones of friendships, community and excitement as the other buildings near completion and full occupancy finally occurred. Eventually the entire personality of the complex changed because units started to turn over at lower prices and well with lower prices comes a lower quality of owners.

In the past two years the complex has started to teeter towards being less than stellar. We have a few renters who have completely impeded the quality of life of everyone else. There is the Harley Guy who thinks nothing of rolling in and out of the complex dozen of times during the week nights without any regards for the owners who have to be up at the crack of dawn. I have no personal issues with Harley riders. I do with straight pipes! Then along came what is to believed to be the illegal immigrants. These freaks spent the summer parking their and their visitors cars all over the common space lawn. Most recently he has brought home his company van which is not only a piece of shit but had dozens of ladders strapped to the roof. How is that for promoting house breaks. Not to mention their children that wander around unsupervised at all times of the day. It only takes a minute to snatch a child. Most parents wouldn't let them out of their site.

We have the girls in the unit 2 down from me. They are lucky. They have a garage spot and two spots directly outside it. Yet they insist on having their visitors park in the fire lane which inhibits my ability to get in and out of my driveway. This has been an ongoing battle that has gone on for two years. At one point a verbal dispute occurred and I was threatened by another board member for harassing them. What the fuck?! Blocking access to my home on a daily basis isn't harassing?

The unthinkable happened two years ago this April. Candy and Jay my next door neighbors and very dear friends moved. In their place is the bitch. From the moment that she moved in life has been beyond annoying. She is a chronic noise maker. Door slamming that has knocked pictures off my wall. Cabinet slamming, storming up and down the stairs and banging things off the wall have become a part of daily life. The one time I wrote her a note to address the noise issue only made it that much worse.

On the other side of the wall is the lovely family with 2 small toddlers. These condos are great and somewhat spacious however they really aren't built to house a family of four. Let alone a family with kids who never stop screaming and never stop jumping on the couch which is up against our shared wall. It's also always fun to come home after a long day and have to sit in your car waiting for them to move all the kids toys out of my garage spot because apparently my space is their space.

The major downside to condo living is that its a community. Not a private residence. So you can't put up a screen door without permission. Your yard is public space so any outdoor entertaining you do is confined to your deck. If you drive to fast or make too much noise someone will complain. It's ok for the people who are blocking your garage access to do that but god forbid you forget to watch your speed or pick up your dog shit. On that topic I am anal (no pun intended) about picking up mine. What is truly annoying is the owners who don't and the shit is right outside my backdoor. It's fun to come home and have someones car blocking the mailboxes. Or have snowbanks everywhere because no one moves their cars when the plows come.

When you owe more than the current value of the condo you can't help but feel like you are condemned to live there. My plan was two years, three years max in the condo. Then I would get a small house with a yard where I can have more freedom. Now because I have lost $47k in value I can't help but hate that I am stuck here. But right now I am focusing on the postitives. The things I do love about my house. The interior design that I put my heart and soul into. The warm and inviting space I have created from a blank space. The small yard behind my unit and the privacy I have from the foliage along the border. Until today. Today the tree trimmers came to take a few branches down. Apparently my version of removing a few branches is much different than theirs. Mine means the few branches hanging over the end units roof. Theirs is to take every fucking branch off the tree.

Now their is no privacy. Now there is a clear view of the neighbors pool, deck, yard and bathroom window. Hello have they ever heard of blinds? Now when I sit on my deck there will be no sense of privacy from them and their guests. And lets not get started on the lack of sound barrier we now have. These are people with 3 unruly children who hit the pool at the wee hour of 7am every Saturday and Sunday. Just what a single girl who can sleep all day every weekend looks forward to as summer approaches. Most of my summer nights are spent sitting out on the deck enjoying a book, a cocktail and in the past a cigarette. This summer I can look forward to doing all these things under the watchful eye of the newly exposed neighbor.

So I did the only thing I could do. Complained to the management company. I have a better chance of hitting the lottery than I do getting them to address my complaint. The fun part about paying condo fees is that lovely feeling you get every month when you pay the fee. That you are paying for nothing but a whole lot of excuses.

Being single and not having to worry about snow removal and landscaping has its perks. But I really don't think townhouse or condo living is for everyone. If you are like and like your privacy you should think twice about a community setting. After all you might have a neighbor who is reporting your every move back to her girlfriend who might know one of your visitors. Or you might not appreciate the drunken neighbor who comes home at 2am and has a brawl with his buddies in the parking lot. Maybe fighting with the management company every time you need to have permission do something will work on your nerves once in a while. Think carefully when making a huge purchase like a home. Do your research and be an educated consumer. Remember that the place you choose to buy will be your home for a long time!

Here are some pics of the place!

It's ok to be single!

2009-02-17T14:50:00.003-05:00

Having survived another Valentine's Day I found myself reflecting on my current state of singlehood. This internal debate sprung up as to whether or not it's good or bad to be single.

Being single (and without kids) gives you a freedom that married, engaged or single moms don't have. You have no one to answer to, no one to rush home to, no one to consider when making plans. Literally the world is at your feet. Sounds great right? Yes sometimes it and there are definitely days where coming home to that empty house is great. You can eat in peace and watch whatever you want on TV or even go to be early. But the reality is that you eat alone a lot. You don't always have anyone to watch with or cuddle in bed with.

Being single means your time is your time. Your weekends belong to you. Great right? Once in a while I find myself hitting a museum or a movie or a mall alone. And sometimes the single girl needs to do that. Being able to see the movie that you want to see, or spending hours trying on clothes you probably won't buy are definite advantages to having your weekends free. But other times its just a reminder that you are alone. Seriously, who really wants to vacation alone, eat alone, watch a movie alone and day trip alone????

The holidays always present a special challenge. Whether to rejoice in the fact that we are alone or cry because we are. The ease of not having to figure out whose family to spend time with is often over shadowed by knowing you will be the single one at the table. Not having to find that special gift for that special someone can relieve a lot of holiday stress. Yet at the same time it can make visiting your family more stressful because its another year of explaining why you are single.

But there are advantages to being single. It forces us to do things alone and forces us to push the limits of what we will and won't do. Owning my own home and not having a man in my life has forced me to learn how to deal with contractors, repair men and mechanics. Power tools are no longer intimidating. When I need to I can change a flat, a light bulb and kill the biggest of bugs. Late at night when a loud noise fills my house it's me who is brave enough to go and check it out. Through the years I have learned how to not only express my opinion but also to make sure I am heard. Entering a room alone no longer bothers me. Neither does the "the right man will find you someday comment". What the hell makes people think I want, let alone need a man in my life to be happier than I am now.

A major positive of being single is having other single girlfriends. No one can identify more with what your life is like than another single woman. Single girlfriends provide a loyalty, sense of trust, suport and companionship that I have yet to find in a relationship. A single friend will never forget your birthday, they will call you and give you a pep talk on an interview day, accompany you to the ob/gyn when you need support, cry with you when you are sad and celebrate with you when something good happens.

Single friends understand the loneliness of being single. Which is why we will trek out for girls night even when the weather is bad or we really just feel like staying home. It's why we make a point to meet up for girls night out once a month. Why we understand how even the strongest of women can get a little sad on a day like Valentine's day.

What I have realized is that all single women need other single women to hang with. And if we all had that one really great guy friend to bounce things off life would complete. And then if we did find Mr. Right he would be the flower on a already fabulously decorated cake!

Scorched Koala Rescued From Australia's Wildfire Wasteland

2009-02-12T11:19:00.003-05:00

Being the Animal lover that I am I had to share this story...

HEALESVILLE, Australia — The koala moved gingerly on scorched paws, crossing the blackened landscape as the fire patrol passed.
Clearly in pain, the animal stopped when it saw firefighter David Tree following behind.
"It was amazing, he turned around, sat on his bum and sort of looked at me with (a look) like, put me out of my misery," Tree told The Associated Press on Tuesday. "I yelled out for a bottle of water. I unscrewed the bottle, tipped it up on his lips and he just took it naturally. He kept reaching for the bottle, almost like a baby."

The team called animal welfare officers as it resumed its patrols on Sunday, the day after deadly firestorms swept southern Victoria state.

"I love nature, and I've handled koalas before. They're not the friendliest things, but I wanted to help him," Tree said.

Tree says he's spoken to wildlife officials, and the koala, nicknamed Sam, is doing fine. And he, it turns out, is a she.

The rescue was one small bright moment in Australia's wildfire tragedy. Thousands of acres have been burned out, almost 1,000 homes destroyed and more than 180 people killed.
Countless animals were killed in the disaster, which hit farming and forest regions to the north and east of the Victoria state capital of Melbourne, and many more fled in panic.

The Royal Society for the Protection of Animals said it was establishing shelters to care for thousands of pets and livestock affected by the disaster.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,490566,00.html

My faux Valentine

2009-02-12T08:43:00.002-05:00

Disclaimer- I did not pen this blog. It's an article from the Lowellita's column in today's Lowell Sun...All the credit or complaints go to her!

Romance is dead. Cupid shot his last arrow and it pierced Prince Charming's heart, striking him unresponsive to the touch of any lovely lady.

What did you expect?

A fluffy column filled with stories about love at first sight, romantic wedding proposals by candlelight and first kisses underneath shooting stars? What do you think this is? If you want a fauxmance watch a contrived episode of The Bachelorette. Lowellita is not for the faint of heart, my dad, Republican aunt or those who believe in the existence of a soul mate. Happily ever after is a Disney-created fantasy and Valentine's Day is more tacky than a contestant on VH1's Rock of Love Bus. That is just this humble hometown gal's opinion.

To prove my amour assumption I did not have to look farther than the bible of all babes -- Cosmopolitan. In the February issue, the rag asked men in this country: "What will you be getting your sweetheart for Valentine's Day?"

A whopping 79 percent of our beaus and bros answered nothing. Nothing. No card, no candy, no flowers, no cheesy stuffed-bear with a heart sewn to its paws. Somewhere between grammar school, when we gingerly cut out cardboard hearts for our crush, and adulthood our love for Valentine's Day fizzled like Chris Brown's career. I wonder what he is planning on getting Rihanna to make up for their lovers' quarrel? Any guesses?

Some blame Hallmark, the company that shoves the most commercial of holidays down our throats as we peruse the aisles.

We go for a card for your significant other and lip balm, but end up buying Rolaids after reading a number of "roses are red" type of drivel which summons your gag reflex to act up. Clean up on aisle 14!

Others point their naked ring finger at flower shops that charge $95 for a dozen roses. That is $7.90 per bud, more than an imported beer in Boston.

I plead guilty myself for contributing to the extinction of romantic men. In a post-Sex and the City fantasy, women in their 20s and early 30s have become cynical, jaded and bitter towards any chivalrous act. We call it sarcastic, independent and empowered -- the modern girl's spin.

What am I trying to say?

Sometimes you just can't blame the guy.

IN HONOR OF POLICE OFFICERS

2009-02-09T12:30:00.025-05:00

If you are anti law enforcement then you have no business being on this page or reading this blog!

OUR HERO POLICE OFFICERS RISK THEIR LIVES EVERY DAY TO PROTECT AND SERVE US. AND THEY ARE SUBJECTED TO STRESSES, PRESSURES, AND DANGERS THAT FEW OF US COULD EVEN IMAGINE.

"THEY ARE FATHERS, BROTHERS, SON'S, UNCLES.....

THEY ARE MOTHERS, SISTERS, DAUGHTER'S, AUNT'S.....

YOU GO TO WORK IN A SUIT AND TIE AND CARRY A BRIEF CASE.....

THEY GO TO WORK WITH A BULLET PROOF VEST , PEPPER SPRAY, AND GLOCKS STRAPPED TO THEIR WAIST.....

YOU WORK AT A DESK WITH A NICE COMFORTABLE CHAIR WITH A CORNER WINDOW ON THE 5TH FLOOR....THEIR OFFICE HAS 4 WHEELS,4 DOORS, LIGHTS AND SIRENS....

POLICE OFFICERS ARE HUMAN JUST LIKE THE REST OF US...THEY HAVE FAMILIES THEY COME HOME TO AND CHILDREN WAITING FOR THEM AT THE DOOR....

WHEN THE WEATHER IS AWFUL AND YOU STAY IN S ID E DRINKING COFFEE OR HOT COCCO....THEY ARE OUT THERE PROTECTING OTHERS LIVES AND HELPING WHOMEVER IS IN NEED...PUTTING THEIR OWN SAFETY AT RISK.....IN THE RAIN.....

OR THE SNOW....

EVEN HURRICANES...THEY ARE THERE...

THEY ARE THERE TO COMFORT YOU WHEN TRAGEDY STRIKES.....

THEY ARE THERE TO COMFORT A LITTLE GIRL WHO'S MOTHER WAS JUST ARRESTED FOR SELLING HERSELF ON A STREET CORNER, JUST SO SHE CAN PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE....

THEY ARE THE ONES WHO MAKE SURE YOU'RE SAFE ON YOUR WAY TO YOUR VACATION IN CANCUN .....

YET SOME OFFICERS MAKE THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE....THEY RISK IT ALL TO SAVE ANOTHER....OR A FELLOW BROTHER....

"OFFICER DOWN, OFFICER NEEDS HELP" ARE WORDS THAT CAN CHANGE LIVES FOREVER.WORDS THAT REMAIN EVER PRESENT AND IRREMOVABLE IN THE MINDS AND HEARTS OF THE POLICE FAMILY.

WE WILL FOREVER BE THANKFUL FOR ALL THEY HAVE DONE....

WE SALUTE YOU....

The truth hurts but it also sets you free

2009-02-07T13:54:00.002-05:00

Limbo. My life has been in a state of limbo for the past 9 months. Lies, deceit, manipulation and in some respects greed and mixed signals fueled this limbo. Over the past 6 weeks all the lies, deceits and manipulations have unraveled and they continue to reveil themselves constantly.

When someone builds friendships, relationships and a life upon lies do they honestly expect that they will never get caught and that people will get hurt. When you let someone think one thing when you are knowingly feeling another that is a lie. When you romance several women at once and you do it knowing that they all have feelings for you that is deceit. When you have secrets and hobbies that can ultimately affect another persons health and you don't protect them when you are with them you are being manipulative. Life is not about having your cake and eating it too. Life is about appreciating the people who are willing to share it with you.

Some people are forgiving and they have their reasons for that. Others cannot get past betrayal and they refuse to forgive, instead they move on. Some of us view a friendship as a commitment and we fight to keep those commitments. We value the relationship and the people involved. But when do you draw the line and realize that sometimes you just have to adapt a friendship to a situation? When you finally hear the truth.

Foolishly I had hoped and recently believed that my ex would come back. That things would work themselves out. Even as the revelation of the new girlfiend happened I couldn't help but think...it won't work. Give it a week or a few and he will be back.

Until yesterday. Yesterday the truth came out. In the form of a slap of reality in my face. He is into this GF. He admitted that he is "in a relationship". He wants a future with her. He wants to live near her. He is planning to have his parents meet her. She is becoming his world, his love, his future, his best friend and partner. All the things I wanted to be and never will be. It was cold and bitter in Boston yesterday and as I walked through Boston Common after ending my phone conversation with him I realized that I finally had the truth that I had hoped I would never hear. The truth that he is gone. In all senses of the word, gone. He will never be that guy in my life and this friendship officially has an expiration date because I am not capable of being his friend as she becomes more important in his life. I am no longer capable of ignoring the hurt, the embarassment, the devastion and the tears. What he has done hurt and honestly what kind of friend does what he did to me. I am not capable of putting up the wall and switching instantly from his lover to his best friend. I am not capable of liking her because I hate every fiber of her being because she is who she is. And I do not give a fuck that I don't know her I am choosing to pass judgment anyway.

Now that the truth is out I have to figure out what to do with it. My choices are to let it destroy me and my sense of self. Or I can choose to accept it, deal with it and move on from it. I have chosen to move on. The basis of a friendship is there and it always will be. And if once in a while we touch base to make sure the other is ok then that is fine. But I no longer am living with the fantasy that we will hang out, chat for hours on the phone or be huge parts of each others lives. He didn't want me. I wasn't her. When asked yesterday why her, the reply because its just her. Who she is. That stab in my heart hurt but it also made me think. It made me stop and realize that I am a good person. I am loyal, I am honest, trustworthy, funny, intelligent, strong, confident, and better than this situation is making me.

He didn't want me. And I finally realized last night that it wasn't because I wasn't good enough. It was because he wasn't. He could never love me because he has this woman on a pedestal. He worships her and he will have his life with her and good luck to them. He could never truly appreciate the unconditional love, friendship and support I gave him. He will never understand the loyalty that was there. He will never now what a life with me would have been like because he never wanted to try. When you overlap your girlfriends with one another and you consistently lie you never truly give them a chance. So its his loss. Hopefully she is his gain because he can never go back. Perhaps he has learned from this but I am willing to bet he hasn't. After all you can't let go and move on with your new GF if all your old onesare still in your contact list, your picture albums and you still contact them daily. We are your ex's. We shouldn't be your friends.

So where does this leave me? Well today slightly hungover, exhausted and happier and more content than I have felt in a very long time. It's done. It's over. My life is mine again. No more waiting for someone else to decide if I am good enough to have around. I control my life and who is in it and in what capacity they are in it. If days or weeks go by and there is no contact I will survive. My life will go on as will his and perhaps maybe we will both be better off with some space.

As I re-emerge into what was my life I do so with a much different attitude. It's my life and I chose to live it my way. My friends are my friends and last night I realized that as long as I have them in my life I will be ok. They are more than just my friends they are my family. And this is where my ex and I differ. I value friendships and relationships and I work hard at them. Because they do require commitment and work. It is my right to pick my friends and I will never feel the need to justify a friendship to anyone. If someone takes offense to the people that I choose to surround myself with they are cordially invited to get the hell out of my life and hope that the door doesn't hit them in the ass as they leave.

Right now my life does not involve a special someone but that is ok. And maybe it won't for a long time and that is even better. Because right now is my time to live, dance, laugh, travel and just sit back and enjoy time as it flies by. Life is about enjoying the moment and starting right now with this moment that is exactly what I am going to do. Living life means taking steps in a forward direction. It's up to you if choose to keep looking back at your past as you try to build a future. I am choosing to put on my blinders and focus only on the future and make no excuses for how I feel or for writing about those feelings.

One moment can change everything

2009-01-24T17:30:00.004-05:00

Heaven. Hell. Limbo. No-one even knows where we're going. Or what's waiting for us when we get there. But the one thing we can say, with absolute certainty, is that there are moments that take us to another place. Moments of Heaven on Earth. And maybe for now, that's all we need to know.

A moment. That one blimp in time that sometimes mean nothing and at other times it can mean everything. Sometimes one moment, one decision can change everything. It can be as simple as someone pulling out in front of you at the wrong moment and the heaven of a great day becomes the hell of a major accident. Other times it can be in the form of a lie told by a friend that snowballs and that one lie becomes another and another. Finally there is no way to tell where the truth ended and the lies began. The heaven that was the comradrie of a friendship becomes the hell of figuring out who the stranger on the other end of the phone really is.

All of us go thru life hoping to have a slice of heaven. To some its in the form of a strong career, material posessions, and wealth. To others its health, family and friends. People who have that slice of heaven have achieved a balance between the two. What happens when the heaven that you thought you had is in reality hell? What happens when the bad starts to outweigh the good? When outside forces barge into your "heaven" and make your reality a living hell? What happens when the actions of one person alter everything you had believed in? When you are exposed in ways you never thought you would be?

You fight back. You stand up for yourself. You pick yourself up, wipe yourself off and decide that enough is enough. You close your eyes, you take a deep breathe and you make the conscious decision to stand up for yourself. And that is exactly what is going to happen from now on.

Life gives you back what you put into it. And the past week to 10 days have been a true test of patience, the willlingness to forgive and the ability to move on. Can you really forgive and forget? Absolutely not. Sometimes all it takes is the sound of a voice on the phone to remind you of the lies, the omissions, and the way your feelings were ignored. Every time you hear that voice you wonder how will it hurt you today. So little by little you build up your walls. You forever alter the comradrie that existed. No longer is the bond strong, dependable or comfortable. Now its foreign, delicate and it will be forever tested. The choices made by one can forever alter the relationship with another. And when the choices were made for purely selfish reasons...well that makes it even harder to forget.

The true test is what happens to that relationship as it gets rebuilt. Will the lies be replaced with honesty? Will you no longer be a secret? Will you be important enough that you will be defended when the outside forces decide to come around for another attack or will you once again be thrown to the wolves? Or will the new entity in the equation quickly become the center of the universe only to leave you standing there alone? At this point in the game of life....does it really even matter.

I guess it doesn't matter. It has taken me a really long time to open up my eyes and see the forest thru the trees. For the first time in a very long time I am not afraid to wake up and be alone. I am no longer afraid to admit that life goes on and often times the people you shared your life with let you down. People come and go in our lives and as painful it is to say goodbye we always seem to survive. You can't make someone love you but you at least hope they liked you. But at the end of the day, if they didn't does that have to effect the happiness that you will find as life goes on? No because its the moments where the truth is actually told that take us to the place where we are now. Even if the truth cuts you to the core.

The place I stand now is one of hope. Of anticipation. Of defiance. Of confidence.Of strength. When you finally realize that its time to just let go and move on, the sense of freedom that you experience is overwhelming. The future I had hoped for was a fantasy spun on lies and in its place is one that has no plan, no boundaries. It's a blank slate on which this artist can create a whole new existence. So what will this future include? Only time will tell but maybe just maybe it will be my own slice of heaven.

In the meantime, I am learning to stand my ground and I am trying to figure out what it is that is going to make me happy. Continuing on with the drama of the past few months isn't going to make me happy. And if there comes a day where that friendship comes to an end...its ok. Because life will not end. It will continue on and I will continue with it.

There is a new song out...Broken by Lifehouse. A verse in the song is so totally appropriate to the journey that I now find myself on.

"I'm hanging on another day

Just to see what, you will throw my way.

And I'm hanging on, to the words you say

You said that I will, will be okay

The broken light on the freeway

Left me here alone

I may have lost my way now

But I haven't forgotten my way home"

No I have not forgotten my way home and as I put one foot in front of the other and find my way back to that place, one thing keeps going thru my mind.

Yes I will be okay.

Making Decisions

2009-01-16T08:33:00.002-05:00

"In life we're taught that there are seven deadly sins. We all know the big ones... gluttony, pride, lust. But the thing you don't hear much about is anger. Maybe it's because we think anger is not that dangerous, that you can control it. My point is, maybe we don't give anger enough credit. Maybe it can be a lot more dangerous than we think. After all, when it comes to destructive behavior, it did make the top seven."

Anger and destructive behavior pretty much go hand in hand, wouldn't you agree? Without destructive behavior there would be no reason to get angry. Defining destructive behavior is hard because the concept is so subjective. Everyone has a different opinion, concept or guage for what constitues bad or destructive behavior.

Life has shown me many examples of this. An ex that I was with for 3 turbulent years was incredibly destructive. And he chose to display his destructive actions thru acts of violence. Violence that can be defined as starting bar fights and beating up innocent people. Assaulting a loved one (me) and those closest to me (my parents). Taking a chain saw to furniture, smashing momentos, destroying a house. Trying to run down a police officer and ending up in an over night stand off with the New England Swat team. These actions were easy to see, hard to watch and definitely destructive.

There have been instances where the destructive behavior has been a little harder to see but eventually you catch on. An example would be watching someone who has a health problem (such as a heart condition) be told to watch the diet, exercise and avoid stress. Only to ignore that advice and revert back to the same bad habits that caused the heart problem in the first place.

But in my world I have recently encountered a much more destructive form of bad behavior and this has caused an anger inside of me that kept me up most of the night. The form of bad behavior I am referring to might surprise you. Because it is so simple. The behavior is simply having lack or respect for other people and lying. And the more the lying went on and the more the lack of respect became prevalent the angrier I got.

Is it so hard to be honest and tell the truth even if it means hurting someone for a split second or maybe a bit longer? Instead the choice was to lie and hope that no one was ever smart enough to figure out and put all the lies together. Well guess what. People are smarter than they are given credit for. Everyone has a breaking point where the tolerance for the bullshit ends and the anger sets in. And even the worst of enemies can find common ground if they have both been scorned by the same situation.

What angers me the most is that people, living, breathing, feeling people got hurt in all of this. Were we all innocent victims? No, not at all. Because I know that I personally figured out that there were lies, I confronted and chose not to get angry but to forgive. Time and time again. And now that forgiveness, that trust I had in a friendship may turn out to more harmful to me than I ever thought possible. The anger is being fueled by the fact that some many people had their feelings hurt simply because one of us could not simply tell the truth. Why? Because we might get mad or hurt and what, walk out the door never to come back? Well I think that might be the reality for some of the people involved in this. Sometimes forgiveness comes quickly, sometimes it takes a while and sometimes it never comes at all.

The anger inside of me continues to grow because all of this drama, this bullshit is happening at a time in my life when I am emotionally and mentally spent. At a time when I need my friends more than I ever did before. And now I am not even sure what friendship means anymore. This is a time a where I should be grieving the loss of two loved ones. Not fighting with a friend and trying to figure out if there ever was a friendship. Or if I was a pawn in a much larger game. And is there any way to find a way around the anger (and I am sure this anger is shared between everyone involved. I am not an innocent bystander here) and try to reform a different kind of friendship.

What exactly is the right decision when you have to decide: should stay angry and walk away from someone who was so very important in your life and completely close them out of yours, or do you find a way to work thru the anger, put it in its place and try to salvage something that was so important but is now so broken? Do you struggle to rebuild the trust, the comradrie that once was your friendship or do you just throw in the towel and say its time to move on. There is no easy decision to be made.

The decision doesn't just rest on my shoulders. Maybe I am willing to walk away or make it work but the other person involved in this might not be feeling the same way. The past year has been exhausting and today I feel mentally, physically and emotionally drained. I want a conclusion to this situation and I want it to be a conclusion that me and the person involved in this can life with.

The damnedest part of making a decision is living with the outcome. Only time will tell what the outcome of this situation will be.

Good Bye Drama, Hello I Don't Give a Shit!

2009-01-13T14:04:00.004-05:00

A very dear friend recently shared her favorite quote with me...."Put on your big girl panties and deal with it."

Over the past few days I have been talking about and thinking about the past a lot. By the past I mean even the recent past, the last few months of this year. All this centered around our final good bye to my Bacie. A woman who had over 150 people come to her wake on a truly awful snowy day and the everyone had the same thing to say about her. She lived her life to its fullest. Last night I chose to bail out on my workout and decided instead to just crash. To sit and think and try to wrap my brain around the fact that a major part of my life was now gone.

As I was sitting there thinking I realized that I had become submissive. I had become a victim of my own choices. That I was not dealing with it. I was choosing not to put on my big girl panties, choosing to buy into the drama and choosing not to fight for myself. I was not and am not living my life to its fullest. Well that was sort of my Ah-Ha moment. You know those moments. Its the moment where all of a sudden you have clarity. You realize what is wrong and what it takes to fix it. And fix it is what I am going to do. After doing a review of the past year I realized that the drama in my life has gotten to epic proportions. And its just not healthy.

Unless you have lived my life in the past year to 18 months there is no real way to truly understand what it has been like. The highs and lows of emotions that I have battled have amazed even me. And I am person who just sort of takes things as they come and always have a Plan B waiting in case things really don't go as planned. But how do you make a Plan B when you don't even know how to make a Plan A.

My Bacie had been in declining health for awhile but it seemed to really start progressing this past fall.The stress associated with watching a loved one deteroriate is not something I would wish on anyone. In addition to that, I have two parents with their own health issues to worry about. Family became the center of my life. The love/hate relationship associated with this is so complex and so hard to explain I won't even try. Eventually caring for Bacie became a full time job for every member of this family and we all slowly began to put our own lives on hold to allow her to live hers. And I don't think any of us have any regrets about that.

Even though Bacie took up a lot of our personal time, life still went on. Jobs still needed to be done and I am so very lucky to be in the job I am in. I have a truly wonderful boss and some of the most supportive co-workers that a person could ask for. Even the group of ladies I sit with on the train lent a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen with. They made me go out and have fun even when that was the last thing I wanted to do.

My finances and health caused so much grief this year. My condo has and adjustable rate mortgage and not a day has gone by in the last year that I haven't thought about, worried about or stressed about how to pay that mortgage. I have been extremely creative and pretty much depleted every liquid assest that I can deplete but it was worth it as I still have my house. And this year I will continue do that. Hopefully I can get into a more comfy loan and start paying down some bills. For almost two years I have been living with the aggrivation and stress of constant doctors appts. One test came back bad and hell broke loose. All of a sudden its repeat visits to her every three months. Talks of cancer and biopsys and treatment plans and what if's were common discussions. In October I got a tentative "things look better" prognosis and now the visits are 6 months apart. There is nothing I can do to control the test outcomes or the amount of visits I have to have. So instead of getting upset and worrying constantly, its time to just deal with it. Its a fact of my life now and I just have to accept it until it changes in one direction or another.

While all of these other things were happening there was the breakup. (Resolution #10001! no more talking about the breakup). That statement leads to the reevaluation of friendships. Trials such as illness, stress, break ups, deaths and whatever else life can throw at you are really what test friendships. And god as my witness, my friendships have been tested over and over again. On so many different levels. Until recently they were all strong and moving along well. Until a poison entered the friendship circle and it threatened to unravel the friendships one by one. The sickest part of this is that the poison was some nutcase from cyberspace who felt it was her obligation in life to make me feel like shit every day of my life since October. And it was another friend who exposed me to her in the first place. What the hell is wrong with some people? Are you that insecure in your own life that the only way to make yourself feel good is to make other people feel bad. People like you die alone and are forgotten quickly. There is nothing that I hate more than mean girls. Mean girls with no self esteem that think that by opening their legs on a daily basis will help them keep their man. If he was that into you sweetheart you wouldn't have to worry about those of us who are better than you. See some of us know that hiding behind a keyboard and writing unintelligent, profanity based comments on a social networking site is eventually going to get him pissed off. So where did it get you? Was it worth it? How's it going to feel when the next one comes along and makes you her target? Me I am sitting back and watching the show. Cuz sweetie I know you think I mean nothing to him. But I was here before you and I am willing to bet you I will be here after you.

What I have learned as a result of this? I have learned that even your closest, most dependable friends have limits. Even they realize that they cannot tolerate or support a friendship that exposes you like this one did. They cannot stand by and watch you subject yourself to endless emotional abuse by the psycho and the common friend between us. The last three months I have been emotionally battered for no reason. I never did anything to her. I never encroched on her space or tried to steal what she thought was hers. The more the psycho dug in her heels the harder I tried to end the friendship with the common friend. The culmination of this drama unfolded during the last week of my Bacies life. The unnecessary stress that that woman put on my during a time of grief is unforgivable and I pray to god it comes back at her.

I know deep down that my friends were thinking- why the hell is she putting up with this. Why doesn't she just say enough is enough and walk away? That said I realize its time for me to stand up for myself and start demanding respect in my friendships and my relationships. The lack of respect that I have been shown lately has picked away at the foundation that was a solid and reliable friendship. One that may or may not survive this year. There is a strain between us that never existed before and I just don't know what can be done to fix it. I have finally realized that to get respect you have to demand respect. I am not a doormat. I am not stupid and I am going to tolerate lies anymore. No friendship is worth the stress of fighting, the sleepless nights and the tears. The only tears that friendships should produce are the ones that result from laughing too hard.

So today is the first day of my drama free life. I don't have the patience for it anymore. If someone creates drama they are going to hear about it. And you might not like what I have to say. If you don't like what I have to say you are free to leave the friendship circle. I am tired of trying to please everyone else. At the end of the day I only have myself to answer too. No longer am I going to be afraid to make changes in my life if it means it will lead to happiness. Life is too short to not enjoy it. And the only way to do that is to say goodbye to drama. And when or if I chose to walk away I will never look back.

Here is to the new year. To the good times we will have, the laughter we will share, the memories we will create and the drama we will leave behind!

My Beloved Bacie

2009-01-09T10:45:00.003-05:00

Last night we lost my Bacie. Words can not accurately describe her or the emotions that I am dealing with right now. But here is her story....

I cannot pinpoint what the earliest memory I have of my Bacie is. As far back as my memory serves me there has always been one constant and that constant was her presence in my life. I am fortunate enough to have had a unique bond with my Bacie. Maybe it’s because I was the first grandchild, but I think it’s because my Bacie and I, although generations apart, had a lot of commonality between us. But before I get to that, I need to start at the beginning.
Tootsie….that was what those closest to her called her. That was what her vanity plate said and that is pretty much the only thing I ever heard her called. Bacie is the polish word for grandmother and all of us grandchildren called her Bacie Tootsie. And let me tell you, Bacie Tootsie was one of a kind!

At a time when woman were at home and taking care of the homestead and children, she was working at her store. She ran a household, held a career and still managed to keep her social life more full than I can ever remember mine being. She was active in the PAV (Polish American Veterans club group), a member of the Lady of Chenstahowa’s, back in the day a bowling league, the sewing circle group, senior citizens in Dracut and at Holy Trinity and Saturday nights at Bingo. She attended the country fairs and made perogis at the PAV. On top of that there were trips. Trips to Atlantic City, Las Vegas, the cruise to the Caribbean, countless trips to Foxwoods, and anywhere else she could take herself. The seniors were known for jumping on a bus and just heading off for whatever adventure awaited them.

Personally I have an amazing amount of memories of her. We only lived a mile from her house and being that close allowed for plenty of family moments. I remember back when my grandfather was alive we took a trip to Salisbury Beach. One distinct memory I have was a day spent on the beach. We went with Bacie to the restrooms and came back to realize we couldn’t find my grandfather. We stood scanning the beach and all she kept saying was “Where the hell is he”. Suddenly a very familiar voice said “I am right behind you!”. God she was mad at him for moving but my sister and I thought it was hysterical. The best part of going to the beach with her was the ice cream we stopped for on the way back. Now that I think about. Most trips that involved the car and a nice spring or summer day, ended at the ice cream stand. She definitely loved ice cream, apricot brandy, chips and dip and some many of life’s other pleasures.

There were the weekends out at the camp. I have so many memories of the wonderful summer weekends that the entire extended family would have out there. The trips to aerobics with her during school break. Picture a room of 60 year olds in leotards working out to the best of the 80’s. When we were young we would often go to Dunkin Donuts with her and the church ladies after mass and get chocolate covered donuts and chocolate milk. She was the one who used to bring us the bagels from Prices bakery and gingerbread men from the yum, yum shop. She taught my sister and I how to bake chocolate chip cookies from scratch. And when I burnt myself on her oven she made me go right back over there to put them in again. There were the birthday cakes at her house on our birthdays. I remember her sister Sophie coming sometimes and we always got a specially made dress from the Belvedere shop. The sleepovers where we would fold out her couch and get all excited about being able to stay up and watch Cheers or Dallas. She took me to get my first perm.!I remember the trips to the country store at the PAV and the ill fated day LeeAnn came home with the cat. My Bacie thought that was hysterical!

I remember the lazy Sunday afternoons at mom’s pool where we would discuss the latest celebrity gossip and the Red Sox. She loved the Red Sox and could tell you the batting lineup better than I could. There was the cruise to the Virgin Islands where me and my sister shared a room with Bacie. We thought we were so cool because we could legally drink and we were afraid we were going to have our style cramped by having her in the same room. That is until the first night when she came home as the sun was coming up, rested for a few hours and was up and out again before we had even woken up. Every morning at some ungodly hour the phone would ring and Bertha’s voice would boom out…”Is Tootsie up yet”. I remember the seniors coming and grabbing my sister every afternoon of that trip and taking her to Bingo. It was an amazing trip and I think of it often. How ironic that so many people of different ages could have so much fun together.

The Christmases at her house always meant a few special things to me. Her tree covered in the delicate ornaments that she had had forever. It was so dainty and beautiful. I remember the red light bulbs she would put in the lights over her mantle. The bell she hung in the doorway of her kitchen that played Christmas carols. The smell of the food cooking, the dinners we shared and the love bows that we fought over. I remember the wrapping paper fights where we would roll up the used paper and throw it at each other. The break down that my cousin Kristine had one year because Uncle Fred had more gifts in his pile than everyone else. Easters were another holiday that we spent with her. My sister and would go to her house on Good Friday and color the Easter eggs. Then the whole family would share Easter dinner together at her. Usually at the end of the day all the cousin and extended family would end up there for dessert and drinks.

Her house was always an adventure for my sister and I. We knew where the flute was hidden in the entry porch. We spent hours playing school and god knows what else down in the basement. We would spend hours playing on the big rock in her backyard or in the field between her and Louise or up at the horses at Uncle Eddies. Once we were old enough to venture out on your won we would jump on our bikes and head over to her house to visit with her.

About 10 or more years ago I started to spend Tuesday nights with her. I was anxious to learn how to crochet and I thought this would be a bonding experience. A typical night would consist of heading out to dinner, maybe run some errands and then head back to her house for a night of crocheting and talking. The conversations we had spanned everything from current events, social issues, sex, dating, single life, and it was through these conversations that we realized how much our lives had in common. We were both single. We were both trying to survive financially. We were the oddball in the groups of married friends. We shared the same views on so many things and after a while we stopped being Bacie and granddaughter and started being friends. I would even say best friends. We were never at a loss for words around each other. She understood me in ways no one else has ever been able to. We were living the same life at the same time and it cemented a bond that can never be replaced. We were friends and confidants, co-conspirators. I remember the Christmas shopping trips, the dinners we shared and the countless laughs shared between us. There were nights where we would sit and look through her photo albums and she would tell me stories about the people in the pictures. I remember her teaching me how to make and drink a highball!

Not everyone can say that their Bacie lived their life as fully as she did. I remember distinctly that a year ago this month I took a personal day from work so that I could escort her and her friends on what would be the last trip she took to Foxwoods for Bingo. She got up everyday and put everything she had into living that day to its fullest. She taught us that to enjoy life, you had to participate in life. You didn’t sit home and wait for life to come to you, you went out and found it. And if there wasn’t a party, you pulled one together. She loved her family, she loved her friends, she loved having her adventures. She was always dressed to the tens and every Saturday she was having her hair done at the crack of dawn.

My bacie taught us all a lot. She showed us that life is worth living. After all she survived my grandfather for almost 30 years. Here she was in her sixties learning to be single all over again. She taught us perseverance, she taught us strength, to fight for ourselves and what we believe in. To stand up for ourselves and to enjoy each others company. Proud. That is one of the best ways I can think to describe her. She was proud of the life she had built and lived. She was proud of her children and grandchildren for their accomplishments. She was proud to be the matriarch of this family. Towards the end it was apparent that the body that she had relied on all her life was starting to let her down. She walked a little slower, didn’t seem to move as easily and little by little she started to forget things. I am sure the aches and the pains got worse with each passing day and the frustration of not knowing why you can’t remember the simplest things must have gotten to her after a while. But every time I saw her over the past year I would say to her…”Bacie, how are you doing?” And she would look at you with a small smile and say….”I am doing ok. It’s a grand life if you don’t give up the fight.”

In my heart I know she did not give up that fight willingly. If her body hadn’t failed her she would have lived forever given the choice. She loved her friends, her children, her grandchildren, and most especially her great grandchildren. When Samantha and Alexandra would come up to visit her face would light up. I truly believe that they are what kept her going. The new lives that they represented, the experiences they have yet to have, the future that they have to look forward to that she fought to be a part of. Her heart was huge and it had a place in it for everyone she knew. She loved you all to the end and I know we all loved her. As we say our goodbyes and face a future of memories without her let me end by saying this….It’s a grand life because she was a part of it. Love you always Bacie!

And so the journey ends

2009-01-05T15:23:00.003-05:00

Thursday arrived way too quickly. The trip had flown by and now it was time to head home. We were smart and got up fairly early so we could hit breakfast and have some time for one last trip to the beach. Silly us. When we got up it was a bit cloudy and rain looked possible. So we threw on jeans and head out.

We figured we would take a quick trip up the beach, take some pics and a short walk and come back. Silly us. We get there and start walking and go a lot farther than we thought. Which was fine on the way out. But on the way back it was hot as hell. I can't say we were over animated on the walk. I think we both lost in our own private thoughts. I know I was thinking about what the new year would bring and would it be good or bad. Would new people come into my life and old friends leave?

Finally we ended the walk and headed back to check out. We got the airport, checked in and grabbed some lunch. And true to US Airways way of doing things we got our gate changed. Only this time we paid attention and we didn't have to sprint to the gate. Once again I was traveling first class and I was grateful. You should have seen the freaks and geeks that boarded the plane. I am sure Renee has comments to add about the return trip!

The flight home seemed to take forever even though I slept through most of it. I was dreading returning to my life and realized I should have just stayed in PR. We left 85 degree weather with partly cloudy skies and arrived home to bitter cold winds and frozen snow everywhere.

Upon arrival I found out that my Bacie had been hospitalize with what turned out to be a really bad kidney infection and congestive heart disease. Talk about reality hitting you in the face.

Then the next day dawned and things kept getting better. After having a great workout I got the dreaded call. The auto adjuster. He totalled my car. The same car that I cannot afford to replace. So I trying to work out a deal to get mine fixed. Then I had a fight with a really good friend who insists on lying to me every chance they get. If I ask you a question I am expecting an answer and not a lie. I don't care what the rationale is behind it. This fight later spilled into the next day where things really got heated. We have sort of truced but I doubt that the bond that we had will ever be the same. Sometimes when trust gets broken its very hard to repair. The hard part about fighting with this person is that I realized yesterday that I am not even sure who that person is anymore. The personality changes that I have seen the past few months are not attractive and I blame the new people in his life. Outside influences on him have made some changes in him that I cannot stand. And if this personality disorder keeps up it will eventually ruin the fragile friendship that is existing between us. Every choice has a consequence and he continually chooses them. One of these days it just might get to a point where its just not worth it.

It was wonderful to come back to the organized chaos of work. Where your personal life takes a break and you can get through the day with out drama. I never thought I would say its great to be back at work!

Our lazy day!

2009-01-05T15:05:00.002-05:00

On Wednesday we awoke and prayed- God let there be sun! And thankfully there was. At first it was a little cloudy but by 10am there was not a cloud in the sky.

As we had every other day we headed down to breakfast. Then off to the pool. Stupid me actually had hope that the damn room key would work. So why was I surprised yet again to see that it didn't. And don't ask me what made me think that if I tried it repeatedly that it suddenly would. So it became a repeat of the day before. Tredge through the indoor jungle over to the reception desk where super bitch would be waiting. She really should be in movies cuz she acted like she would help us. And she claimed that she fixed the card. Off to the pool we go and can you believe that the f'ing card doesn't work. I thought Renee was going to pee herself laughing because I furiously trying it, its not working, I am pissed and swearing at the key, at the hotel, at the unhelpful Puerto Rican girl. Thankfully some guy was leaving the pool and let us in.

So now that we were prisoners of the pool area for the day we quickly settled in our chairs. And just as I am about to get comfy who mentions getting her picture taken again near the damn waterfall. For a moment it was like groundhog day! So in the pool Renee goes so she can swim over to the G.D. waterfall and get action shots of her swimming near it. I still can't figure out how she could claim that the pool was 75 degrees. Renee darling...it was freezing!

By mid morning the clouds had burned off and we had a picture perfect day. As the hours passed it got hotter. And at one point I actually threw on some SPF. I NEVER wear sunscreen. I am a sun worshipper and within hours I am dark as hell. Maybe it was because I don't go tanning anymore or maybe the sun was just really strong but we both got crispy that day.

By 10:30 we had cocktails in hand, after all it was New Years Eve day and we were all set to say Good Bye to 2008. By mid afternoon it was just too hot to chill poolside. Renee was braver and jumped right into the pool. Me I have to slowly get in inch by inch. I hate water that is below 80 degrees. I like my pool water to feel like a bath tub. And someday when I have my own house with a yard my pool will be boiling. We eventually struck up conversations with some of the other guests by the pool and spent the afternoon talking about traveling and the cities we each came from. All in all it was really a great day.

By late afternoon we decided to go get ready for the night and figure out what the hell we were going to do. Back at the room we have a message. The missing coins have been found and can be picked up at the Holiday Inn. So we take a stroll, pick up the coins that I had heard about all night and day, grabbed a bite and headed back to get ready. We were slightly relieved to find out that the hotel bar was having a party at it and we didn't have to go trekking back down to Old San Juan. We wanted fun and easy.

After having some free drinks at the managers reception we hit up the casino where Renee won. I hate gambling because I suck at it and opted to keep my money and spend it on better things like a beer. Which at the hotel bar on New Years was $13. For a bud light of all things. Eventually we joined the party and because everything was in spanish we played our version of name that tune. The band was playing popular American songs only in spanish. And the dancing was out of control. At midnight this woman sitting next to me at the bar suddenly grabbed me and started to hug and kiss me then she passed me off to her hubby while she grabbed Renee. Lol it was crazy. The band was playing and the place was in party mode. Me I was thrilled 2008 was over. At least I was until I got home!

Barcardi and Old San Juan tour day

2009-01-04T18:27:00.002-05:00

We were up bright and early on Tuesday. After praying to the weather gods we hesitently open the drapes and...its sunny! Woo-hoo. At this point we plan to have a full day. Hit the pool then do the tours. So we grab our compimentary breakfast and head to the pool. The pool is at the back of the hotel and the reception area is (yes you guessed it) at the front. But to get from one to the other you sort of have to walk thru this little maze of walkways and bridges. So we get to the pool, insert the room key and try to open the door. Why in gods name did I actually think it would work. So I try again because I love to irrate myself and it still doesn't work. So back thru the valley of bridges and foliage to the front desk.

The major drawback to Puerto Rico that I found is that no one is nice. Most of the waitstaff, hotel staff, store clerks, taxi drivers were all incredibly rude. Tourism is not the major industry of PR so they really aren't dependant on our American dollars for survival. So the attitude is F u and your money too! Most of the islands that I have traveled to need the tourism so they basically kiss your ass. So there were parts of the trip that made me think I was vacationing in Lawrence!

Sorry I digress! So we hit up the front desk and tell the clerk that the key isn't working at the pool. She looks at us like we have ten heads and says of course it doens't you have to have us set it. This left me mind boggled. The beach was a 2 1/2 block walk away and there were no public restrooms or food stands. So why would they think that we wouldn't a least try the pool which has super clean b-rooms and a pretty good pool bar with a grill. Now keep in mind that I told her we wanted access til Thursday. So off we go back thru the interior jungle and finally settled ourselves by the pool.

Renee I love you dearly. So please take this with a bit of humor. Once we hit the pool area Renee notices a waterfall. She instantly decides that she needs a series of pics of her near the waterfall, next to the waterfall, in front of the waterfall...you see where I am going with this! So after doing an impromptu phone shoot we chill out, soak up the sun and hang out til its time to get ready for the tour. At one point about an hour into the day I look over and notice that Renee is looking a bit pink. I am really lucky in that I have skin that tans up pretty quickly so burning usually isn't an issue. I think I mentioned to her about a half dozen times that she might want to consider putting on lotion. Nope she says...let me burn I am going home with a tan. And let me tell you ...she burned. She burned bad. She was crispy by the time we showered and dressed for the tour.

(sorry to digress again but I could hear this funny beeping noise and noticed that the dog is standing on my phone and it was dialing. Sorry if I just hung up on any of you!)

We head up to the Holiday Inn to check in for the tour and discover we have time to waste. So we decide to head up the beach to check it out. Took us about 10 minutes to get up there and the place was gorgeous. The water was that amazing turquoise that you only see in tropical places. The downside was that a major storm was just blowing out to sea the surf was full of kelp. Me and seaweed just don't like each other. I hate the way it feels when it touches you. So we spent some time taking pics and walking the beach before heading to meet the tour.

The bus arrives and we have this pretty cool driver names Papa Leon (Papa Lion in English). He was animated, knowledgeable and seemed to have a major dislike for stop signs. I gathered this because he never stopped for any. I noticed after taking several cabs and the tour bus that there are not a lot of traffic lights in San Juan. Its basically a situation where you approach an intersection, slow down (but not stop) and just go and hope you don't get hit. I think I hit my invisible brake about 20 times from the hotel to Bacardi!

We arrived at Bacardi and we totally luck out. They give us 3 free drink tickets. Yeah! I am a rum girl. I usually go for Parrot Cay but who would turn down a free Bacardi drink. Renee is not a drinker and was not sure what to do with her tickets. I think I sort of peer pressured her by stating that she was at the BACARDI distillery and she couldn't leave without at least trying one drink. I'll drink it if you don't like it, I offered. Well give the girl some coconut rum and pineapple and she is all set. Honestly I am glad we found a little spirit that should could enjoy. The overall tour was really cool. Similiar to the ones you take in Napa Valley. The funny part was when we hit the souvenier shop. They told us about this 12 year old rum that you serve as a sipping rum, straight up in a cognac glass. I figured what the hell I'll grab a bottle. Yeah right. The liter bottle was $85 and miss I have to now live according to a budget couldn't justify it. Maybe that will be my excuse to go back!

So back onto the bus we go for another nail biting trip to Old San Juan. The first stop is the San Cristobel Fort. Visually its quite the sight. Historically its fascinating. The only downside to the tour was the lack of artifacts. Until recently the US used the fort as an active military site. So the cannons and other battle type weapons were gone. The rooms were stripped bare so it was sort of hard to picture what the place looked like in its day. The view of San Juan from the top of the fort was amazing.

All was going good until it was time to make our way out. We enter this semi lit tunnel and head toward the exit. I am clastrophobic and I hate the dark. So we are almost to the end of the tunnel when our driver tells us to enter this room. Turns out it was the holding cell for prisoners who were about to executed. They were able to preserve some wall drawings that the prisoners made. The scary part for me was what happened once we were all in the room. Papa Leon closed the gate and shut off the light so we could "experience" the conditions that the prisoners lived in. I was nearly ready to climb out of my skin. It took me about half an hour to lower my blood pressure after that.

During the tour Renee bought these souvineir coins. Renee the person who always has a big bag with her decides to take a smaller purse with her on the trip. So when we board the bus again she puts the coins on the seat. We pass by a bunch of local sights and end up on Cristo street where the factory stores are. We hit up coach (and I restrained myself and didn't buy the bag I fell in love with!) and then hit a few more stores. We get back on the bus for the ride home. Papa Leon got a little pissed because another couple was late. And now its well past the time that the tour was supposed to end so he is anxious to get us back. Finally they arrive and we go tearing down this really narrow side street. Remember in the last blog I mentioned how the mirrors on the cars hang over onto the sidewalks? Well some poor chinese guy almost lost his head to our mirror. I seriously think it actually grazed his head. We approach and intersection and as was typical of the day, we blow through the stop sign and hit some delivery in the back with the mirror. All of a sudden the two tourists walking up the street see this and literally plaster themselves against the wall to avoid becoming the next victims. Word of advice. When walking in Old San Juan, hug the wall!

We arrive back at the hotel and Renee notices a Pizza Hut. Seeing that we were on a limited budget and didn't want to cab to another restaurant we decide to just eat there and save some money. Well in the chaos of trying to decide if this is where we want to eat, Renee leaves the bag with the coins in it on the bus. We got the coins back the next day. But I must have heard about those GD coins a hundred times over the next 24 hours. Note to Renee...next time bring a tote bag! And I suggest you put those damn coins in a vault!

All in all it was a great day. The weather cleared. We had some free drinks. Experienced the history of Old San Juan and survived another day in a car without incident :)

Off to San Juan!

2009-01-04T17:52:00.001-05:00

Thanks to my Hilton Honors points and frequent flyer miles from US Air, me and Renee were off to San Juan for New Years. It was a trip to get away and relax and leave life behind us for awhile. (Now that I am back I am wishing I had never come home).

We arrive at the airport in plenty of time to make our flight. We check in and head to the gate. As the boarding time gets closer we start to wonder why the flight crew hasn't arrived and why aren't we getting ready to board. After all its 8:15 and we leave at 8:45. So we find the departure board and find out that they moved the flight to gate B19. We are at B6. Thankfully we were traveling light and only had purses. Because instead of being really early we are now sprinting thru the airport trying to make the flight. As we are running a US Airways comes up and asks us if we are going to San Juan. We were like ah yeah! He said we are sorry, they never made an announcement. We finally get there and make the flight. So the trip got off to an interesting start.

Poor Renee. She was in the ghetto section better known as coach. Me I got to live it up in first. The benefit of traveling a lot and having a US Airways credit card is that your status with the airline increases. I am currently a silver status meaning I fly first class. I get the automatic upgrade. Once you have traveled in the lap of luxury you never want to go back!

The flight was quiet and because San Juan is an hour ahead it was shorter than expected. We arrive and my heart stops. Its pouring. My first thought was you are freaking kidding me right? I left the crappy weather back home please don't do this too us. But at this point there is nothing we can do. So we head to the hotel. Fiasco # 2 occurs as we check in. We booked a two room suite with double beds. They only have a king bed suite left. But rest assured there is a pull out sofa in the living room. It was fine with us and we finally get checked in. And its still raining.

So after a short discussion we grab a cab for the 30 minute ride to Old San Juan. There was a Hard Rock Cafe and we both thought it sounded good for dinner. I have gotten into this habit of hitting up the Hard Rocks whenever I am on vacation. It started in St. Martin and I have glasses from a bunch of different locations. So this is the plan. Eat, hope the rain stops and do some souvenier shopping.

The cabs in San Juan are crazy. I mean they don't stop at stop signs. They change lanes without looking. They slam on the brakes at the last minute. Now mind you I had just had a front end collision in my car just about a week before this trip. My knees are still bruised and hurting and my nerves are shot. I think I yelped at least three times on the ride. So finally we arrive in Old San Juan and by the grace of god it stops raining. So plans worked out. We ate, we did some sightseeing and we hit up just about every shop in the city.

The major downside to the area is that the sidewalks are super narrow and you have a city full of cruise ship passengers. I have now discovered where the white trash vacations. I have traveled a lot. I have hit major cities, foreign countries and more tropical islands than I can name and I have never encountered so many rude, rude, rude people before. They will shove you out of the way on the sidewalks. We saw them break trinkets in a store and walk away. They will hover as you are looking at trinkets and forget getting a picture of something without some stranger walking right thru the shot.

Eventually it started to rain again and we ducked under an awning down by the pier. After waiting it out for about a half hour we decided to call it a day and head back to the hotel and get settled. Of course this means that we have to take another cab ride! Thankfully it was dark and we couldn't really tell how much danger our lives were in as he was driving. Overall despite the gate change sprint, the room mix up and the rain it turned out to be a really great first day!

Me and my best friend

2009-01-03T08:46:00.002-05:00

Unless you live under a rock, you have heard about the new movie Marley and Me. It's also a best selling book. Basically its the story of a couple who adopt a puppy that turns out to be completely unruly and creates and life of havoc for everyone around him. But the main theme of the book is the relationship between a dog and its owner.

About 6 1/2 years ago I adopted Tyson from a friend of mine. Since then we have been pretty much inseparable. It wasn't until I had a really bad day yesterday that I realized how much I love my pug. Its funny. The past year has been turbulent and I had such high hopes that 2009 would be totally different. Until the plane landed in Boston on New Years Day I still believed this.

Upon arrival I found out that my Bacie (grandmother) was very sick and in the hospital. She is 92 years old and as of yesterday all we knew was that she had fluid in her lungs and possibly congenative heart disease. For a frail woman of 92 this could possibly be a death sentence. That night as I climbed into bed upset and concern I had the comfort of feeling the pug at the end of the bed in his "spot".

He is a pretty smart dog. He understands a ton of word commands and sometimes its a little freaky how well he responds to the simplest phrase. Maybe I am just lucky to have a really good dog. Often I forget that is just that. A dog. And as a dog there are somethings he will never be able to do for himself. Such as open a door and let himself out. So the next day dawned at 5 am when he was crying to go out. It was freezing and by the time I was able to find my coat and shoes and get him out he had already had an accident on the kitchen floor.
Of course I was overtired from not sleeping well and I lashed out at him calling him a bad dog and not letting him back into my bed when we cleaned everything up and tried to get some sleep.

After another few restless hours of trying to sleep I gave up and headed to the gym. It was going to be a good day. Or so I thought. On my way home the insurance adjuster called to tell me that he totalled my car and would get back to me with a payout amount. My entire day crumbled. Not only was I upset that the car that I loved now a totalled heap in the auto body lot, but my budget has no room for groceries let alone a new car. As I came into the house in hysterical tears, there was my pug. Waiting at the top of the stairs with his baby in his mouth and his tail wagging like crazy. As I tried to make calls to the insurance agent and the auto body he just kept jumping on me and wanting me to play with him. At this point I didn't find him cute or funny and I clearly remember yelling at him to go lay down or I would send him to the pound.

As the day went on it didn't get any better. I started to try to figure out how to get the money for a car. As I was doing this I contacted a friend of mine. Someone who I thought was a great friend and who I thought respected me. As the conversation went on we got into a conversation that revealed that once again I had been lied to about another person in that persons life. I think something in me snapped. There is nothing I hate more than being lied to. Especially by a friend. If you did something that you think will upset me when you tell me then just be honest, get it out and hope that all is forgiven. Because finding out about the lie through other sources whether its another person, an email, a myspace comment or any other source is sometimes unforgivable. The point of having good friends is to have honesty and trust amongst them.

Friendship is so very interesting. Unlike a dog where you pick them. Your friends come along and for whatever reason you are attracted to one another and eventually a bond is formed. With your dog its almost instanteous. I have learned through the past year that friendship is complex. Your friends will be there for you in the bad times and the good times. They will give you a shoulder to cry on when you need it, a kick the ass when you need a reality check. They will spend hours socializing with you at the local pub and be there on holidays and birthdays. They will be a source of humor, laughter, tears and comfort. They will secretly judge you but will never tell you that they do. They will surprise you but at times they will disappoint you. They will grow with you and sometime apart from you and its the truly solid friendships that find their way back to one another after an absence. Its the friends that you can call when crisis hits, the chips are down or you have something really exciting to share that really matter.

But then there are the times when the friendship just stops working. When the lack of respect, the lies, the deciet and the hurt just run too deep to be repaired. And those are often the friendships that end and cannot be resurrected. Unlike friendships with humans the friendship with your pet is so much easier. Its a companionship. My dog has never let me down. When I got home on Thursday after my vacation my dog was so excited to see me he was literally shaking. He brought me babies, he gave me kisses. He couldn't get up on my lap fast enough. For the first few hours I was home he was never more than an inch from me. Annoying when trying to unpack and I finally left the unpacking in midstream and ended up on the floor playing tug of war with him. There is something so unconditional about the love that you get from your pet. After a sleepless night last night I finally got up and started the day. And I can admit I started it with the dreaded feeling of -what the hell is going to go wrong today. Will it be bad news about Bacie? Will I find that new cars a really unaffordable? Will another friendship test the boundaries? As I was sitting on the couch thinking, I looked down and saw the bug eyes of Tyson. Just sitting there staring at me with curiosity in those huge brown eyes. It was then that I noticed the thickening of the gray hair around his muzzle and I noticed new gray around his eyes. He just turned 9 in November and suddenly he is looking a little like an old man. I noticed today out in the cold that he gets stiffer faster and that the stairs can be a challenge when he is having a hard day. I sat here for a bit thinking about his longevity and what I would do if I were to loose that constant companion. I realize how much a part of my everyday that he has become. I have never been married and never had children and with 36 coming in 6 months I am banking on the fact that neither will prove true for me. And that is ok. Tyson has in some way become that child I never had. He is guy who loves me for me, he doesn't judge, he doesn't argue or hurt my feelings. He is always glad to see me, always has time for me, he gives me kisses when I need them and lets me vent when the need arises. As I sit here listening to him snore like crazy I realize that he just might be the most successful male relationship I have ever had. And maybe its ok that there is no man in my life anymore. I still have my trust pug to greet me when I get home, to sleep at the end of hte bed and snore like most men do and I will have the comfort of knowing that Tyson will not only always be here and never leave me for someone else, but in his eyes I will always be worth it.

So if you have a dog, take the time to hug him today and tell him how good he is. If you don't and you have the time to dedicate and the love to give and you are feeling a bit lonely then consider getting one. Its really the only unconditional love that I have managed to find. And for my dog, I am always greatful.

Happy New Years

2008-12-28T14:25:00.001-05:00

I am getting ready to leave for a short trip to Puerto Rico for the New Year and I wanted to take a minute to wish all of you a very Happy and Safe New Years.

I am truly glad that 2008 is over. Right up until the end it was a stressful and frustrating year and I am anxious to start the new one. I always look at New Years as a clean slate, a chance to redeem oneself, a chance to right the wrongs of the previous year and set new goals for the new one. I feel like I can finally take a deep breathe, relax and look forward to the upcoming year. It's time to make some changes.

To all of you...I hope you have a safe and Happy New Years eve. May 2009 bring you happiness, health and prosperity. Since I won't be here to party with my peeps, I would like to propose a toast:

Here's a toast to the future, A toast to the past, And a toast to our friends, far and near. May the future be pleasant; The past a bright dream; May our friends remain faithful and dear.

Today's Rant

2008-12-12T10:34:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had one of those days? You know the one. The one where everything that could go wrong does and it usually happens before you even get to work? Well I am having one. And it got me thinking and I realized that writing a daily rant might be therapeutic.

The backstory here is that I was sick of a really long car commute to my old job at EMC. The drive roundtrip was 120 miles and honestly the job was very high stress. And I say that because I was just an executive admin to the VP of Software Dev and the days just kept longer and longer and the group kept getting bigger and bigger. There was no room for growth and although I found the hi-tech world interesting it just didn't suit my background or personality.

A former friend of mine told me about an opening at her company in Back Bay. Assistant to one of the Presidents at Pearson Education one of the largest textbook publishers out there. The pro's outweighed the cons. A solid company. A creative group (exactly what I wanted). The money was the same as were the bennies. And I could take the train to Boston then either walk (30 minutes) or T over to the building. So I could now sleep on my commute and the wear and tear on my poor Altima would be greatly reduced! So when the job was offered I jumped at it and was all excited.

Fast forward to today. 2+ years later. The job still rocks and I love, love, love my boss. It's the best job I have had in a really long time. But the major downside is the commute. Not so glamorous. To drive in means leaving at 6:30-7:00 am to be here by 9am. The wear and tear on the car would increase and the parking can range from $260 a month to over $400 depending where you park. In theory the train should be reliable and only costs $268 for parking and the monthly train and T pass. Reliable is a very subjective word and as the fare increases the reliablity decreases. Substantially.

Today I woke up to the sound of something outside exploding at 4am. It turns out it was the power transformer and we have no power. This sucks because I have no time off left so I have to be at work. At this point I hadn't really slept well because of a nagging stomach bug I have had and now I am stressed about possibly oversleeping and not hearing the cell alarm. By 5:45 no power and I couldn't sleep so I figured what the hell. I will just go in early. In theory a good plan. After showering and getting ready by candlelight I managed to get dressed and make my way through the townhouse in the dark without killing myself. For some odd reason I bought new batteries for all my flashlights last night and now I am convinced it was a premonition!

Now the fun part begins. Getting the car out of the garage. Thankfully I could reach the emergency cord on the garage opener and pulled it open with no hassle. This is where the fun begins!

The ride to the train station is a little over 2 miles and its 6:35 am. You wouldn't think there would be many people out. Wrong. Every maniac in Lowell was out. And yes driving right along with me. Everyday this week I have thought the same thing while driving in the rain- I need new wipers. Have I gotten them yet? Nope! Got to the train station and the train is there. But delayed 15 minutes. The 6:56 is now both the 6:56 and the 7:18. But we leave at 7:10 go figure. As we are leaving they annouce that we can't go faster than a crawl due to signal problems. Lovely because I want to nod off but Ellen (one of the train ladies who has been doing this for 18 years) is sitting with me and she proceeds to talk the entire ride. So no sleep and the ride takes forever. Finally at 8:25 we arrive in Boston and I jump onto the first Green line that pulls up.

Normally the green line can take between 10-20 minutes to get me to my stop depending on the traffic. Today we blow through to Haymarket and I am thinking, this is great I will still be on time. Yeah right. We pull out of Haymarket and the train stops. And stays stopped for 40 minutes! Here I am sitting backwards with an upset stomach on a ridiculously crowded train and I am clastrophobic. It took everything I had in me not to flip out! We made it to Government Center where we had to switch to a different crowded train and I finally got to work at 9:25! So much for beating the system today. Monday I research affordable parking passes!

Surin Elephant Festival

2008-12-11T11:30:00.000-05:00

Most of you know that my friend Kerry is in Thailand with the Peace Corps until March. She sends us stories all the time and I thought this one was really fun and wanted to share it!

Hello Everyone!

Last month I joined 14 other volunteers in Surin province for the annual elephant festival. In Thailand elephants are revered and seen everwhere. The first day we went to the elephant buffet. This is an elephant parade where vegtables and fruits are set up along the road for the elephants to eat. you can also ride the elephants up and down the street for a small fee. There were floats made entirely of vegtables. It was amazing to see so many elephants and be able to just walk up and touch them. You will notice in the pictures how people are in the road with the elephants. Somehow I just don't see that happening in America. There were times we almost got "smooshed" between two elephants and we had to watcdh our backs becasue they came from all directions. The first picture you will see is where we slept. Yes all 15 of us ...IN ONE ROOM! That was the closest I have ever come to a college dorm. The second day was the show. First there was some traditional dancing and then over 300 elephants came out. There were some tricks and one elephant even painted a picture (sort of). After that there was a reenactment of an old battle. I hope you enjoy these pictures and get a taste of Thai culture.
Happy Holidays! Kerry

Time to give thanks!

2008-11-17T14:56:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

My family members live close to one another and we see each other all the time. It's not uncommon in the summer to see each other once a week since my parents have the pool and pool house and everyone goes there to hang out. Because of this Thanksgiving has never been a big deal in our family. Yes we do gather and have dinner together but it feels like any other day.

But unlike past years, this year I feel like I have a lot to be thankful for. As a family we only lost one member this year and he lived his 94 years to the fullest. He is in a better place now having battled dementia and alzheimers for years, both of which robbed him of his memories and his ability to recognize even the closest of relatives. On that note, there is a very good chance that this will be the last holiday season with my maternal grandmother - Bacie Tootsie. (Bacie is grandmother in polish.) I have a very close knit relationship with my Bacie. We are more friends than grandmother and granddaughter. It's a strong bond and closeness that none of the other grandchildren have. Bacie is 92 and has alzhimer's and dememtia. I feel like every elderly person I know is suffering from this. The most painful part of this disease is watching it take the independence, memories, coordination, personality, pride and memories from someone you love. In the beginning it was little things, like loosing her keys. Now it's not uncommon for her to have the same conversation over and over again and not remember it. She falls more easily and moves much slower. Often she doesn't even know who we are. She is at a point of requiring 24 x 7 care. I try to spend as much time as possible with her. But sometimes it really takes an emotional and mental toll on me. I remember the days where we would sit and chat for hours. For 8 years I met her for dinner every Tuesday night and we woudl sit and chat, have a bite, do some shopping and just hang out. Most of the time now she has no idea who I am. I am grateful that we get these holidays with her.

I still have a roof over my head. And believe me I am grateful for that. Unfortunately I am in an adjustable rate mortgage. It has adjusted once and thankfully I had planned for it and built up a nest egg. It adjusts again in January and I am praying I can keep floating it until the market comes back. My house is not only a source of pride, but am accomplishment that took my blood, sweat and tears to get. Prior to buying it I was living with a man who betrayed my trust, and abused me physically, mentally and emotionally. The relationship ended with police involvement, restraining orders and court dates. To this day I still look over my shoulder when I hear footsteps behind me. I still find myself flinching if someone moves to quickly near me and I am constantly apologizing because that is what I did for 3 years. Funny how some habits never go away. As all this was coming to an end we were in the process of buying a house together. Something he did without me. I made a promise to myself on the final day of court that I would put a roof over my head, by myself. Because I needed to prove to myself and everyone that I could take care of myself. So come hell or high water I will keep this house!

My health issue finally resolved itself. Back in May of 2007 I had a pap come back bad and instantly all the flags went up. The terms biospy, cancer, surgery all kept coming up over and over again. Specialists got involved locally and at Dana Farber and finally after 18 months, countless tears and many sleepless nights I finally got a clean bill of health last month. Having your doctor look at you and suggest you might have cancer is probably one of the worst experiences I have had in a very long time. I remember driving home from one of the visits after another test came back bad and thinking about what it would be like to have a biopsy. Or worst yet, cervical cancer. What would the chemo and surgeries be like. But thank god that is a reality that never happened.

My self esteem is finally on the mend. Or at least I feel like it is. Those of you famliar with this blog know that my love life hit the crapper 6 months ago and emotionally things have been a mess. But in the last few months I have started to loose weight and have been trying to self improve. I am hoping that the new year will bring with it new love or at the least the possibility of it. The reality is - "he" is not coming back. "He" has moved on and like it or not, maybe, just maybe I need to do the same. It's time to face that fact that I wasn't good enough for him and his search for that someone who is has already started. Maybe its time to find that someone that I am good enough for and leave the past right where it belongs- in the past.

My friendships have never been stronger. Through the hurt and tears of my breakup I have leaned on my friends more in the past 6 months than I ever have before. And I have realized how wonderful they really are. They have listened to me, cried with me, and kicked me in the ass when I needed it most. And I pray that these friendships carry on into the new year. Maybe with some luck, new friendships will emerge and unhealthy ones will phase themselves out of my life in 2009.

To all of my friends... I love you dearly. You are an extension of my family and I wish you all a very happy and healthy holiday season!!!!!!!!!!!